Birthmother's Day

In 1990, a group of birthmothers designated the Saturday before Mother's Day to be Birthmother's Day. Adoptive forums seem to be mixed on whether this day should be recognized seperately or just recognized on Mother's Day, as birthmothers are mothers too.

We choose to celebrate it in the week between the two.

Next Wed. on our way to Austin, Vivianna and I will be having lunch with her birthmom. It will be nice to not have the distraction of other kids as Megan's kids will be in school and Isaac will be staying with Billy. This is the little gift we will be giving her. The monogram is an iced cookie and the felt flower's leaf says "hope" which is Vivi's middle name.

The inside of the card says "If I could pick you some sunshine, I would."

This is an ongoing sentiment between us as "Sunshine" was Vivi's nickname, given to her by the nurses in the newborn ward. That was the name we had to say to be able to go back and see her.

This little cookie bag is what I sent to the adoption agency to give to her birthmother on Vivi's first birthday. It will be fun to see how I can incorporate "sunshine" into my gift giving as the years go by! For the first year we gave her a gift at Mother's day, the day we finalized in court, Christmas, and Vivi's 1st birthday. This year we have given her a gift at our agency's Gala, and now Mother's Day. I think I will continue to average about twice a year, not to be too overwhelming.

Here is a video of her talking to Megan for the first time on the phone.

It was sweet. Sorry for the darkness. It is hard to get good lighting in our living room at dusk.

Megan said that she wanted to cry because her voice sounds so sweet and she could really make out what she was saying.

Awana Award Night

Tonight was award night for Awana at our church.

Here is Isaac with his class and below you can see the video we took of the night.

He did really well on stage. Vivi sat through the whole ceremony, she climbed on us but she didn't fuss or try to run off. Afterwards there was a cookie reception. Daddy enjoyed that part!

A big thank you to Aunt Vicki for sewing on all his patches this year! I even mailed the vest to her in Florida at one point and she mailed it back before his next meeting!

I will be bringing it to you for the final patches he received!

Make a Smilebox slideshow

You may need to click on the arrows. There are 3 video clips.

Icecream Shop

It has been raining a lot here lately.

So we are amusing ourselves playing icecream shop.

They enjoyed serving up their customers.

Infertility Grief

I have tried literally for months to compose this post, and even saved it as a draft- later to delete all of it. There never seemed to be a good time. Today Billy said "the great thing about you, is you put yourself out there. You take the hits." The truth is more like I put "out there" what I am okay with. Alot I tuck deep inside. Well, I remembered this post waiting for me to complete, and maybe now I could do it. I thought this would be about loss associated with barrenness, then I wasn't sure how I even felt about that. Wasn't sure I had the courage to write about that. SO I'll just write and see what comes of it.


For 5 years, this month I have been barren. Do you know this was always my greatest fear growing up? I shamelessly admit I played with baby dolls way too late into childhood and used to stuff my shirt with a pillow and look at myself in the mirror. It wasn't just something I wanted to be one day, it was THE thing I wanted to be one day. Well, that and of course a mother. I used to lie awake at night as a teenager and think "God will you allow me to be pregnant?" This was a strange thought as I never knew anyone who couldn't get pregnant. But somehow I wondered about myself.

I knew when we pursued adoption that our children would not replace the children we couldn't have. I also knew they would feel and be my real children, just like any I gave birth to- because ultimately it doesn't matter how you become a mother or how a child comes into the world. What matters is that you are. And this all came true for me.

What I didn't expect was the feeling of grief and loss to stay with me for so long. At times the sadness threatens to choke me. Over the years I have dabbled in counseling and anti-depressants, never really achieving long term success with either. I recently made a call to a women's hospital that does weekly group counseling for Depression. They said one group was for general depression and the other for grief and loss. I said I'm not sure which one I would be in. She said "well the grief and loss one is right now women who have recently lossed a baby." I said, well that's not me. But I'm not so sure. Is it? I mean am I "generally depressed"...like with everyday happenings. No, not really. But often times I feel gloomy, my mind wanders, I feel stuck.I feel like I've lost something.

I haven't followed up with the clinic.

You see the thing is, I don't have a desire to have a biological child. Doesn't mean much to me now. But I am also not so sure I want to go my whole life without knowing what it feels like to have a life inside of me. To bring life into the world. I know it's not an easy road. My dear friend has had the worst pregnancy EVER! But in the end she still can say this child came from her. I think this may just be the stage I'm in now. Everyone continues to be pregnant. In 10 more years, my peers will have all had their children and we will all just be Moms. Most days I understand this is my calling, that I wouldn't have my son and daughter any other way. Some days, it doesn't feel as much like a calling as it does a curse, one that I do not understand.


I have asked the "why me" question over and over and recently I began to hear a gentle whisper of "why not me?" Why should I not suffer? Why should I not be afflicted? Everyone you meet has a heartache of some kind. And this just happens to be mine. I fear it will always be with me in some way. Pregnancy mystifies and perplexes me. It feels foreign. The Bible says that the Lord closed Hannah's womb. And He has chosen to close mine. Not because of anything I did or didn't do, but because He is sovereign over ALL creation.


Today at church, we looked over the verses in 2 Corinthians 1:3-9 where it says that the Lord "comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God." It goes on to say "but this happened so that we may not rely on ourselves but God." To humble us. It also says to bring about "patient endurance". Endurance in ALL suffering. The many blessings that have come of my infertility have been first and foremost my children. But also, the ability to mourn deeply for others. For those who have lost a child, or lost the ability to have a child. I don't want to hide from grief, in myself or others. I want to turn to it, to embrace it. To drink deeply of it. For I know that where there is grief, there is the Lord's comfort. And this is the place that the people of God should be. And maybe there someday, I too, will find healing for the broken pieces of my heart.

Playmate!

Vivi had her friend Gracie come to play with us today.

The girls are just 4 days apart in age.

Have you ever seen anything so adorable?!!

In the video, Gracie tells Vivi to eat the grapes one at a time! :)

A girl's best friend

Oscar likes to lay in the clean clothes basket.
Vivi decided to join him for a little adventure.
He actually gets in this every time she drags it out!

Snoozing with Isabel.

Where's Oscar?

Pre-K Registration!

I am super blog poster today! Billy has the day off and so I have had more time to myself and I just have so much to say! Today I took Isaac to register for public Pre-K. I cannot believe he will be in school 5 days a week next year! I requested the noon to 3:00 time slot and a specific teacher. The secretary said I am likely to get both requests, so let's hope! Instead of going to school 3 days a week for 5 hours like this year, he will go 5 days a week for 3 hours. Creates a little better transition to kindergarten that way, which here is now full days. For those of you that missed my big school dilemma post, Isaac is eligible for public school Pre-K since he was a foster child. We weighed our options on whether to put him in preschool at a church. I even applied and interviewed there. We decided that this would be the best option. We don't have to pay for tuition and he will have a very multicultural classroom experience. We went to the Open House there a couple months ago and both Pre-k classes may have had 2-3 Caucasian children. The teacher I requested was so nice and seemed to have a good raport with her parents. Her classroom had SO much stuff, all well kept up. She said they are very lucky with their school funding to have everything they need and want. Today, I received the school supply list. Whoa!! That thing is lengthy, looks exactly like a Kindergarten list. Glad to know they have a lot of activity going on! I also thought I'd get online at P.ottery Barn K.ids and check to see if the lunch box that matches Isaac's backpack I bought him last year is on sale, and it is!! The orange one, is the one that his backpack is in. It was too expensive last year and now it is on sale with free shipping, but looking at our budget we are going to have to wait until next month to buy it...I just hope it doesn't sell out! I like having his name on things so it can be easily recognized among the dozens of other ones at school. When he goes to school at noon, he will be dropped off at the cafeteria first thing, for lunch.
I can't believe I am thinking about school in April! But I have tried to order stuff online before in August and everything goes on backorder. So it will be nice to get atleast something out of the way before summer hits. Then I can relax and focus on enjoying our last 3 months together everyday before my boy goes off to Pre-K!!

***On a side note, I also have to wait until next month to sign him up and pay for swim lessons. Please pray I get the time slot I want; second two weeks in June, 8 am to 8:30! ****

Earth Day

Vivi's shirt says "happy earth day" across the bottom.

Our biggest contribution to earth day and every day is that I use reusable bags when I grocery shop. I actually like them better . They have a wide bottom and can hold a lot, making less trips from the car to the kitchen when I get home.

Today Billy and I were asking each other if there was mail, we had each checked it and no mail. Isaac chimes in "maybe the mail doesn't come on earth day!"

That had us in stiches because we didn't even know he knew it was Earth day, and the irony of there always being so much junk mail in need of recycling would make earth day the perfect day for no mail!

I do plan on talking about God's acts of creation before Awana tonight.

Why wouldn't you feed your kids well?

To piggy back on my post about the wheat pasta O's- I thought I would do a post on the topic of fruits and vegetables. I have been doing a lot of picture posts, and thought ya'll might be missing my LONG rantings. :)

For my new readers, you must know one of my passions is feeding my children, and I talk about it ALOT. :) I have always liked food, a little too much at times! I have always known that despite my children's genetics, I wanted the obesity epidemic to not affect them. Both of my children's birth families have a history of obesity and diabetes. It is actually not difficult to avoid many of these health concerns, but more and more families seem to ignore this problem and the expanding waistlines of their children. I have to wonder why? Deep rooted habits? Convenience? Not wanting to listen to them fuss?

I write this post now because I have recently witnessed some insane parenting when it comes to feeding. I will tell you those stories in a minute. My charge to every parent is this...you have 3-6 opportunities a day to feed your child. They are not the ones buying the food, preparing it, and presenting it. You are. So why are parents so intent on wanting their children to be smarter in academics by the time they are school age, but not smarter in food choices- when this is something that will affect their health for their entire lifetime. Do not shirk your responsibility because you think one day they will wake up, after having spent years eating junk, and ask for a piece of celery. It ain't gonna happen. The following three books have been paramount in helping me replace old habits with new when it comes to food choices. You can begin any time to make better food choices for your family. Your children's taste buds WILL adjust.

Ya'll know I like Dr. Sears, and am a huge consumer of his children's vitamins! These books are the best of the best, in my opinion. The libraries in my area carry all of them-so check their first. You don't really need to own them. Once you know better, you can do better.

Knowing Better

My first story is from this past weekend. We took the kids to McDonalds by the zoo on our way to Zoobilee. They enjoyed their chicken, apples, and water. Then they trotted off to play. In the play area Billy said to me "what is that baby eating?" I discreetly turned around and noticed a woman feeding her infant a cheeseburger and french fries. "Oh my gosh!!" I mouthed to Billy and a few minutes later politely asked the lady how old her baby was. "8 months." What!!!??? She had actually ordered her baby his own happy meal and was tearing of tiny bites and shoveling them in his mouth. His older brothers were chubby so I am led to believe they were fed this diet as infants too.

At the Dr's office awhile back, a woman who brought her very large 2 year old child out of the office and into the waiting room. He had red spit-up all over his shirt and she was passing him a sippy cup to suck on. She laughed, "Sometimes he just throws up his Kool-Aid! I don't get it."

I do!!

Then there was a family at the park. The entire family was obese- Mom, Dad, two very young boys and an infant girl. The baby was so huge, the mom was struggling to carry her around on her hip. The boys were snacking on very large bags of cheetos, and sipping Big Gulps. Every once in awhile someone stuffed a piece in the baby's mouth.

I had a friend say to me once, "Laurie, you are rubbing off on me. I've started to feed my kids salad!" I said "great! what do they eat on it?" She said "Oh just iceberg lettuce and a lot of ranch dressing." Hmmmm.....

Now I would like to compare some of these stories to my own four year old boy, who might I add likes to eat ALOT. He rarely says he is hungry, though so we are able to avoid the all too common habit of all day snacking that plagues lots of young children. I have shared the mall playground story before- where the kids eating Mrs. Bairds creme pies pooped out of running and said they were tired and Isaac said "come on guys, lets go!!!"

The b-day party situation this past week is a perfect example. Isaac ate too much and paid for it with a terrible stomach ache the rest of the day, choosing to pass on the treats at the second party, and the dessert at our event that night, AND passed up some candy offered to him! Dr. Sears says that a plus in feeding your kids right is that their bodies will tell them the difference between junk food and healthy food. Boy did his!! This early training means when they are school age, they will know that the junk cafeteria choices make them tired and sick feeling later in the day. They may choose the "fun foods" every once in awhile, but they will atleast know the difference. Kids who are raised on white bread, sugar laden, and high fat foods don't have the same reaction. Their bodies are accustomed to this onslaught and adjusts accordingly. They may never know what this food is doing to them, until they are pre-teens and suffer from stomach aches, head aches, and extra weight around their bellies.

At the school Isaac went to, they would do Jason's Deli lunches once a month or so for a whole week. This would consist of white bread, chips, a cookie, and a juice box. None of these things would I regularly feed Isaac, let alone every day for a week. So on hot dog day I would pack him a turkey dog on a wheat bun in his thermos, with fruit and graham cookies- milk box to drink. Was he happy about this? No. But I explained to him my reason and the teachers said at lunch time he was just as happy as everyone else. I would splurge and let him join in on pizza day though- I just made sure I packed him fruit!

If you don't know what foods to feed your kids- read the above books, before your next shopping trip!

Now, you may be saying "Laurie, you are just lucky that your kids like healthy foods. My kids would throw a fit if they didn't get their mac n cheese or happy meal fries and sprites!". My response to this is no my kids don't necessarily "like" healthy foods- but they don't like going to the dentist either. We can't base everything on whether a child likes it or not. The point is at this age, I choose what to prepare or order and they choose whether they will eat it. If I don't order fries, they can't eat them- right? At restaurants I tell Isaac the few choices he has to choose from. I omit the junk as an option. Often times I will let him get a less healthy main course i.e. cheeseburger but his side has to be fruit or vegetables. No exception. And mashed potatoes do not count as a vegetable.

All kids go through a phase where they reject healthy foods- usually between the first and third birthday. The trick is making sure you do not cave in and stop serving the foods. The temptation is to stop giving it to them to avoid the fight and avoid wasting foods. Don't go there. This is a habit that will endure throughout their childhood if you give in now. Better to go ahead and fight this battle- your child's health is at stake.

We have had times with all the children where we have to serve their vegetables as the main course, before anything else. Once they eat them- we serve up the meat and bread or pasta. If they don't eat them- meal time is over. No fight, no fuss. We ask them to leave the table and come back when they are ready to eat nice. It has worked with every single one of the kids I have had or nannied for- as young as 18 months old. May not work the first time, but believe me after about the 4th time- your child will comply.

You may be thinking as I have heard many parents say "my kids are thin and growing strong. Their bodies are getting what they need." How do you know that? They may be growing, but the habits you have started today will catch up to them someday. Here is the link to the family nutrition information on Dr. Sears' website.

Moms- it is okay for your child to go to bed hungry. If you get in the habit of making them a different meal or forgoing the healthy stuff just so they can have food in their bellies, you are not giving them a fair chance.


I recently discovered this website http://www.foodchamps.org/

It is ADORABLE!! They have charts to track what fruits and veggies your kids eat and a sticker sheet you can print to mark on a calendar when they eat them. This is a great motivator for young children.

I have a couple more stories to share. A few weeks ago, I was at the store and they had TV dinners for 69 cents a box. I have never fed these to my kids before but with our major budget constraints, I thought well...maybe just this once. I mean where else can you get a whole meal for under a dollar? I tried to get the healthiest options for the kids- but their weren't any. Isaac cracked us up because when we served it, he was in shock "What is this? How did this food get on this black tray? How did you make this?" I laughed and said "Swanson made it."

"Who's Swanson?" he asked!

This meal was chicken tenders, nasty looking mac n cheese and a brownie. Yuck.

I felt so guilty that I threw in a salad at the last minute.

He chose to eat that before anything else!

Then just a few days ago Billy came out of 7-11 with a huge smile on his face, carrying a bag of Doritos. I glared at him and dropped my jaw in mock disbelief. When he got in the car I said "what are you bringing that contraband in this van for?" Isaac shouts from the back seat "what is that? Crackers?" Oh I love that my four and a half year old doesn't know the salty, cheesy lure of the Dorito!

Beautiful Weather

Now that the rain is gone and the sun is out, the weather is slowly warming up!

Not having a backyard and the kids needing atleast an hour of exercise everyday, means we have to get out and about! Yesterday we went to the park for a couple of hours and Isaac brought his bike.

Vivi enjoyed the playground.

Isaac rode his bike.

Vivi drew with chalk.

Isaac rode his bike.

Vivi picked wildflowers and ran!

Isaac rode his bike.Vivi played hopscotch and hugged a tree.
Isaac rode his bike.
Vivi had a snack.

Isaac stopped briefly and asked to fly this family's kite.

They were kind enough to let him. He also asked to walk a lady's dog.

She declined the offer.

Before we left, the kids enjoyed digging in the volleyball pit.

And of course, Isaac finished up our park time by riding his bike.