Vivi loves her Paige!!

Taken with Paige's IPhone.
Paige is a great photographer!!
And a great model too...look how beautiful she is!! Paige plays games with Vivi.

She also helps Vivi to fight her fear of Chuck E Cheese.
She was saying "Mommy! Chuck E Cheese Scares!"
See videos below! Hilarious!!

When we go to their house if Paige is not there, Vivi cries

"Beige...Beige!!!" and looks all over for her. Then she pouts.

We LOVE you, Paige!!!

Grandma and Grandpa's Pool Party!

sword fighting with cousin Samantha

Bombs away!

My nephew Seth

Icecream cake!! Yummy!

the party favors.

Worn out after all that swimming!

They had so much fun!!

Check out this castle!

It was only girls in there! They were screaming like it was a slumber party or something.

You can see Vivi in one of the holes.

She kept saying "again!!' when it would stop.

SO cute!!

We had a great time chowing down on pizza (the Hawaiian was amazing!!), eating fruit and cake and of course swimming. Thanks for another great pool party, Pop Pop and Meemaw!

Sweet email I HAD to share from a teacher of Isaac's!

Often times we have found teachers are either intimidated by Isaac or exasperated by him. The only teacher that has done really well by Isaac is his Awana teacher this past year. We would go to pick him up and ask hesitantly, "how was he?" and she would say "oh he is just wonderful! So sweet. I love him. He does have a lot of energy, but he reminds me of my son." She would talk about how Isaac would sometimes sass her and say not so nice things in an angry tone but she would get on his level and talk to him sternly and he would be right back to sitting with her during group time or holding her hand in line. She was such a blessing to us. We knew if she was there, he would be okay.

Well I ran into her a couple weeks back at VBS (he plowed into her and wrapped his arms around her neck!) and we began talking about ADHD and our sons. She emailed me a link to a Dr. who specializes in this stuff and has written articles and books. So after receiving his diagnosis, I emailed her and thanked her for the resource and asked if she had any others. She replied with this sweet email that brought tears to my eyes. She gave me the okay to post it!

I have taken out names.


Hi Laurie,

It may actually be a blessing that a Doctor diagnosed it. Its better than being on the fence and wavering back and forth. Better to know so that you can fully embrace it. Knowing that he is ADHD will help you so much in being able to prepare and handle him. My number one resource would be Dr. Hallowell. His books are wonderful and he for me makes a lot of sense.



Obviously the choice is going to come when you need to decide if your going to medicate. My son is not currently medicated but I am. He is at a Montessori school which has been really good for him. I think we talked about that, we struggled a lot with two other schools before that. As far as teachers go, I think you ask if you can have a parent teacher conference and feel her out first. Start by asking her questions about her teaching methods. One thing I quit doing was apologizing all the time for my child's behavior. He would hear it and I think people start feeling like something must be “Wrong “ if they hear an apology. There is nothing “wrong” with Isaac. He is wired differently. Some would say he is wired awesomely. ADHD people tend to be high achievers and exceptionally talented people. Of course it helps if the people around you aren’t trying to fit you in a round hole.

I am headed out of town but will be back on Monday. I would love to talk about this more. I definitely have some ideas about what to tell teachers and what to tell your children.

I’ll be back in touch,
Please don’t be overwhelmed….i’ve been there.

I will be praying for y’all. God made Isaac perfect according to his plan.

-M

Thank you, thank you!! This just warms a mother's heart to no end! I hope to glean more from her on how to handle Isaac and the public perception of him. What a sweet encouragement to my heart to know that my boy is deeply loved for ALL that he is, not for what the world thinks he ought to be. And M- I promise I will STOP apologizing for him! If he does something wrong, he can apologize himself for it. He is who God created Him to be. And you are right, there is nothing wrong with him!

My Wild Child....Exploring ADHD

So as you know, we have been taking Isaac to see a Neurotherapist for his impulse issues and hyperactivity. He has been issuing treatments called Biofeedback where he is working to rewire his brain to function better. Well yesterday Billy and I sat down with the therapist to go over Isaac's brain map. Remember this picture!Well the results came back that he could see high levels of agitation in the areas of the brain that increase activity (no big shock there!) and that he had the exact brain patterns of older children and adults with ADHD. He also said that there was some concern in the area of visual understanding (not the technical term) which is where the brain takes what he sees and has trouble processing it, i.e. what people with dyslexia go through. He said this was mild and could very well correct itself over time as he is too young to show any signs of dyslexia, yet.

But getting back to the ADHD part. This too did not surprise us but kind of made me sad (I'll discuss that in a minute.) When we began our foster care journey, the social workers in our training told us that often times children from foster care have high rates of ADHD. There are lots of reasons why a person would have ADHD, many unexplained, but the main reasons seen in foster care for this would be substance exposure in the womb along with neglect or abuse, and the fact that from an early age they have had to self sooth. When an infant or young child isn't attended to in a loving way, and doesn't have all their needs met, they respond in a flight or fight mode. This means the levels in their brains that heighten during times of intense stress or crisis, remain heightened for abnormally long periods of time requiring the body to self sooth in order to bring down those levels. So they may do things to self sooth like rock, spin, suck their fingers obsessively, seek physical touch or shy away from it, among other things. We have been lucky that Isaac does not exhibit these types of self soothing behavior except for the seeking physical touch. What his brain is doing to self sooth is it remains in a constant state of movement. The only time he is calm and quiet for an extended period of time is when he is asleep or watching tv. Because both put his brain in a soothing-like trance. Other than that he moves, he talks, he growls, he chatters, he fidgets, he argues, he appears to have "ants in his pants". These are all behaviors I have seen since he was two years old. But up until this year we always said "he is young, he is a boy, boys are more active" and altough this is true, it didn't explain all his behaviors away.

Here is an explanation of what the difference between what ADD and ADHD is:

ADHD? AD/HD? ADD? ... HUH?
So many names — who wouldn’t be confused? In the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (the DSM-IV, often called the “bible” of psychiatric and psychological diagnosis), it’s written out as “Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder.” Within this diagnosis, however, are four types: Predominantly Inattentive, Predominantly Hyperactive-Impulsive, Combined, and Not Otherwise Specified (NOS). “ADHD” or “AD/HD” may be used to refer to any of the four types — even those with no symptoms of Hyperactivity — because in the DSM-IV they’re all included under the same heading. (Confusing, isn’t it?!) In order to decrease the confusion, some of us use “ADD” to refer to the Predominantly Inattentive type of ADHD.
But it gets even more confusing! Some people use “ADD” to refer to all ADHD, because they’re referring to adults (where the Hyperactivity is less common), or because it’s simply easier to say, or because they think the “disorder” is misnamed in the first place.
As clinicians, when we work with a specific client, we make sure to use the term that makes the most sense for that particular person; and we make sure to explain which term we’re using and why. Here in this newsletter, we’ll use both “ADHD” and “ADD” depending on context. And we’ll wait patiently for a day when the powers that be create more accurate diagnostic names! (Any suggestions?)

Within this diagnosis, Isaac is "Hyperactive-Impulsive Combined".

And here is an explanation of what ADHD symptoms would look like in a child (taken from this website:

Diagnostic Criteria for AD/HD in Children (DSM-III-R)
If your child exhibits at least eight of the following behaviors for at least a six-month period, consider an evaluation by a team of AD/HD professionals. Click on The Hallowell Center for more information.

Often fidgets with hands or feet or squirms in seat (in adolescents or adults) and may be limited to subjective feelings of restlessness.
Has difficulty remaining in seat when asked to do so.
Is easily distracted by extraneous stimuli.
Often blurts out answers to questions before they have been completed.
Has difficulty following through on instructions from others.
Often shifts from one uncompleted activity to another.
Has difficulty playing quietly.
Often talks excessively.
Often interrupts or intrudes on others.
Often does not seem to listen to what is being said to him or her.
Often loses things necessary for tasks or activities at school or at home.
Often engages in physically dangerous activities without considering possible consequences.

Now we have a legitimate explanation. And the sad part for me comes in with the fact that the label of "ADHD" has received such a bad rap. We think of kids put on medications that numb them, kids having trouble in the classroom, trouble with their peers, trouble in general.

And I do not want that for my child.

It seems that more and more boys especially are receiving this diagnosis and having to live with the social consequences of wearing that label. I don't want that for him.

We will be exploring this more with another therapist this fall, but for now we will continue with the biofeedback and I will blog about ADHD in general as I learn more about it and the ways in which I can help my child succeed. The Dr. yesterday said that we are lucky that he does not exhibit Oppositional Defiant Disorder, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (yet at least), and aggressiveness. He noted that when he is told to do something he for the most part complies, maybe after a moment or so or he may only hold that compliance for 15 seconds, but at least he complies, and doesn't fight us on it. Many of his patients do not. He actually said based on the month he has spent with us that he "credits" our parenting for that. He said if it wasn't for our very structured home and high expectations he would likely be far worse on the behavior spectrum then he is. That was a relief as I told him often times we feel like we are too hard on Isaac. He said "with kids from these backgrounds you have to be. Your interactions are firm but appropriate and he feels safe in your structure. Kids who feel safe don't have to be in control." I said I feel like I nag him constantly to "pick up his pjs...no your pjs....Isaac, right here in your hamper please....Isaac why have you not picked up your pj's yet?" or "come here...no here. Walk with me Isaac don't run ahead. Isaac!!!"He said that these constant reminders are actually ways of training his brain to do what is right. His impulses are firing off at a rapid rate "run! move! go! touch that! dump that! grab that!" and our constant reminders of "don't do that. leave it alone, clean that mess up please" are ways of helping him to train his brain to make those right choices in a way that he can self regulate, so we one day will not have to be so vigilant. The trick for me is to not lose my patience, me temper...or my mind!

Well- I will continue to post about this topic for us to process it and for our family members and those in contact with Isaac to gain a better understanding of what on earth is making him tick! For now I leave you with my sweet boy, whom to me is practically perfect in every way.

I mean he is just a boy, right?!

Summer Reading Program

One of the things we have done every week in the summer is to log our reading time (up to an hour a day most days!) and turn our logs into the library for prizes. You can do this even with your infant children and audio books count too! The kids have really had a lot of fun with this. The prizes are mainly coupons for kids meals around town. The first prize was a brand new book they could choose off a cart.

I was surprised to see on Isaac's Pre-K registration an entire note urging parents to read to their children 10 minutes a day. It is so sad to me that many kids do not grow up being read to- or seeing their parents read- therefor they never possess a love for reading. Our children are book obsessed, truly, and we are so thankful for that! When Aunt Vicki was in town in March we joke that the kids hounded her so much with book after book that her voice went hoarse! I was bringing her bottles of water and telling her she needed to walk away. :)

So for those of you home with your kids this summer- go to the library every week.

Go during story hour and your child can be entertained for 30 minutes!.

Have fun reading!!

So glad I went to Bible Study...

Well I went (read post below if you are just tuning in!) and it was AWESOME!! The speaker talked about the meltdown that the disciples have in the boat with Jesus right before He calms the storm. Some of the "nuggets" that really stood out for me were when she said:

**Knowledge does not always bring growth, experiences do.

**Most of our meltdowns will occur in everyday experiences (uh..yes!) and the lessons to be learned are there.

**She pointed out that Jesus sobbed and was fearful too as seen in Hebrews 5:7 (in the garden). So it is okay for us to do so and we should never feel guilty for our emotions.

**God is in control and He designed these challenges for us, unique to us.

**Jesus knew the storm was coming and we ought to as well and not be so surprised when they arise. As Christians, we are not immune to suffering...we have signed up for it. And the world is watching to see how we will react. Wow.

And she ended our time by showing us a video about how God has made us unique, and holds us together in all of our trials. It is powerful. Please watch it and excuse the overly charismatic nature of the pastor and the cheesy background music- obviously put there to elicit an emotional response....ok don't get me going! The point is I rarely Youtube on this blog, but THIS one is worth it!! I dedicate it my dear friend Brandi as she still awaits a diagnosis. I hope watching this gives you strength for today and hope for tomorrow. I love you, girl!

Have You Seen Me?

This has been such a tough week for me, for several reasons. One is the Little Gym went out of business with our deposit for Isaac's summer camp. And since they are franchises, no other Little Gym will issue us a refund and our calls to the corporate people fell on deaf ears. So it looks like not only will we not get our money back, but now it is too late to enroll him somewhere else and further more if we could, we wouldn't have the money because The Little Gym owner cashed it and ran. I cried.

So that was my Monday.

Yesterday Vivi got into my brand new bottle of expensive (for me!) face moisturizer w/sun screen and lathered it all over her arms, legs, and the dogs heads. You chuckle at this....I cried.

That was my Tuesday.

So today I am organizing some of the kids clothing for our vacation next week and it occurs to me I have not seen Isaac's red pair of shorts for weeks. Clearly not in the dirty laundry as this has been done atleast twice. So I go over every inch of the apartment, call my mom to see if they are at her house...nothing. This wouldn't be such a big deal if I could get red shorts anywhere but these are Gymboree shorts that are the exact color match to 3 different Gymboree crab shirts I bought at an outlet (last summer's styles) and a lobster visor. I can not find them anywhere! So of course, I cried.

So this is my Wednesday.

This morning also happens to be the beginning of my Bible Study at church titled...no joke..."Pardon My Meltdown". So because of my 3 days of meltdowns I feel too defeated to go to Bible study with a cheery face and having to socialize and make new friends. Billy was so kind as I hounded him on the phone (during the rush at Starbucks, no less) and said "Honey, if you just go to that Bible Study- I will find a way of getting you those shorts!" What a shepherd....he knows I need to go to this Bible study....he needs me to go to this Bible study...the kids definetly need me to go to this Bible study...

Well- Babe I'm going to the Bible study and I found red shorts online at Gymboree! We can always have them mailed to your aunts house if I can't find them at a store around here. Thankfully they are on sale, so with the shipping they will cost me what the first pair did.

Good grief.

Now as a little aside to quote an anonymous commenter who said on Billy's blog once when he was ranting "jeez, I hope nothing really bad actually ever happens to you people"...yes I get in the big picture of life these are not tragedies but little annoyances...I get it... and yes really bad stuff HAS happened to us and this ain't nothing...but come on people, three days in a row?!!

Twinkle Star

Independence day is just around the corner...can you believe it? This is like Vivi's holiday this year. Lately her favorite "character" if you would call it that is the Twinkle Star. It is her favorite song (funny that lots of children songs are to that tune- and she knows it!) plus, every where we go she sees stars and points them out "Twinkle Staaaarrr!!!" Chicken noodle stars is her favorite soup!

So she will be very excited to get to wear twinkle star clothes, flip flops, hair bows, and sunglasses in a couple weeks! If Twinkle Star were to become a Rock Star....she would so be his groupie.

Mama's girl...and the art of raising a two year old.

I truly believed when God blessed us with a daughter, that she would be Daddy's girl. Most of my friends daughters are, and it just seemed to be the natural order of things. Now she LOVES her Daddy even shrieking "My Daddy!" when she sees photos of him. But she is a Mama's girl, through and through. Billy teases me that if she can't find me in the apartment (2 bedrooms HOW hard can it be?) she starts working up a panic cry! And when she is tired, she wants me. When she is hungry, she hangs by me in the kitchen. And when she can't have me for whatever reason she screams and cries "Mommy!!!!!" If I leave the apartment he has to distract her in the other room. No doubt, this kid is addicted to her Mama. I mourn the loss of my baby girl...all grown up! So to have these moments where she is still my baby is sweet to my soul. She can be a Mama's girl for as long as she wants. She will probably change her tune once we hit the teen years!

Having another two year old was not something I was really looking forward to. I mean this is the time labeled as the "terrible" phase. Vivi was a great baby but a difficult toddler- always getting into things, fussy...demanding. But we stuck with our discipline tactics, clung to what shred of patience we had left, and held our breath as she entered the 24 month threshold. I expected her behaviors to increase, but lo and behold our consistant discipline is actually yielding fruit at such a young age! She is an absolute JOY (most of the time!) She doesn't have the language ability that many of her peers do, so you would think she would tantrum all day long to be heard, or whine atleast! But no, there are many days she doesn't have a single fit. And her whining is easily corrected by me saying "I don't know what you are saying, Vivi. You need to ask Mommy in a nice voice."

I know those of you whose children are still in that baby age may wonder "when should we really start cracking down on behaviors so our sweet little babies don't become out of control toddlers?!" Well, my answer is NOW. Like, as they are blowing out their little candle on their first birthday cake, now. Vivi was a real handful as a toddler. But neither Billy or I were going to tolerate much of it. At 15 months old, when she fussed for food or a cup that she wanted right now- we did not hurry it up, instead we waited until her fussing ceased, saying "Mommy will get it when you are done fussing" and we walked away. She would tantrum, but all tantrums come to an end and then she could get what she needed. Now if she says "Cup!!" which she often does, I say "Vivi how do you ask Mommy nice for things?" and she says "Mommy, I cup please."

Obviously she is not perfect and still has her moments, but the point is we do not over indulge whether that be too many sweets, too many drinks (she LOVES her liquids!), or allowing her to get away with unbecoming behaviors. This new wave of parenting (my generation) for some reason seems to shirk away from the responsibility of training up a child in the way they should go. The excuses are endless! This training begins the moment they are old enough to deliberatly hit you, or throw their cups to the floor so you will continually fetch it, or demand, demand, demand. Start it early, and you will reap the benefits earlier.

I am so thankful that we continue to put the effort in now for her to behave as she should so that when she is older she will not be a demanding, self centered person. If you allow your 19 month old to think they will get what they want when they demand it, what makes you think they won't still do that when they are four or five or sixteen? And lets face it, people..the world doesn't work that way. Contrary to Burger King's mantra- you can't always have it your way. So why are we raising our children to think they can? We are working with Isaac on "thinking of others first" and this is really working. He will often serve us or Vivi something before he takes any for himself. He has chores around the house now and he does them cheerfully (even swiffering all the floors last night!) I know this cheerful/helpful spirit may not last so I will capatilize on it while it is here!

You may think your little darling is too young for such training but she is not. Children are so much smarter than we think and if you raise the bar of expectation- they WILL rise to the occasion. Our bar is high and it will stay that way.

My children's spouses will one day thank me. :)

Happy Father's Day!!

Both Billy and Grandpa were given fun snacks and treats from our little shopping trip to Market Street.

Hope you enjoy them!!!

Juneteenth 2009...LOTS of pictures!

Today we visited our old stomping grounds for their Juneteenth celebration.

They had a little parade.

Isaac liked the black cowboy hat on this guy!

Our friend Isabel and her Mom, Debbie came with us!

The bounce houses were the big hit!

I would probably be annoyed too if my face painting was this lame!

We introduced the girls to Beth Marie's icecream shop. Yummy!!

Oh no!!!

Okay...this was staged!

Just plastic...but Isaac sure acted the part well for my picture!

Swimming Lessons

They would start each session with some warm-up songs in the baby pool.

He is very determined, he literally marched right to the edge.

And off he goes!! He was the only kid to jump-the rest had to be dropped off the side.

Another Mom said, "he is SO brave!"
Waiting for the class to finish jumping.

Here he is with his primary instructor.Swimming!

This is how Vivi and Daddy passed the time yesterday!

He loved the kickboard!

And we are done for another year! His instructor said I can begin him in age 5 Level 2 next summer, and bypass level 1. Yeah! We went to get Smoothies to celebrate, with protein powder for Isaac, of course!

Mommy is looking forward to next summer when they can both be in the lessons at the same time!

Peace and quiet!