I'm home

Vivi and I got home today from being with my dear friend Brandi and her family. She is suffering with a serious illness and is in pain every day, along with vision problems and sometimes problems walking. Her mind is hazy and her face even goes numb. This is just a short list of the many symptoms she faces. This week was very emotional for us and very painful for her. She went to two new dr's and came home with nothing but more blood that had been drawn. We were so hoping for a diagnosis and/or steroid shots but these dr's won't treat her. They ruled out MS but it looks like she most likely has an auto immune disorder. The outlook on this is not good and without her receiving treatment we can only imagine the damage that is being done to her nervous system. It is just terrible. I kept her girls and the house up for 4 days. It was so hard to see her in pain and I just didn't know what to say. There are times in life when talk is just noise. I only wish we lived closer so I could be there more.I took the girls out for lunch one day. Vivi had a lot of fun playing and doing girly things.
She walked around in a blue cinderella dress every day!

And I spent lots of good time with Matea. I bathed her, fed her, dressed her, rocked her, changed her. And I miss her already!! A baby becomes a part of you when you care for all their needs. She is such a good baby too!

Vivi came home to find Ariel jewelry and a purse on her bed along with a cute outfit and book from her Nana who was here watching Isaac while we were gone. She was thrilled to check herself out in the mirror. Thank you, Nana!

Memories

Today Isaac and I were able to talk briefly about adoption. I never know when these conversations will come up or how.

But they are always a treat for this mother's heart when they do.

He saw a picture of Billy and I in a magnet on the fridge (not the above shot-I'll explain this one later). Here is what was said:

Isaac: "Mom where was I in this picture?"

Me: "You hadn't come home yet."

Isaac: "Were you so sad that you didn't have a baby."

Me: "Yes, Mommy was so very sad that I couldn't have a baby in my tummy."

Isaac: "But then you adopted me!"

Me: "Oh yes! It was the happiest day of my life when they handed you to me. I thought to myself, look at this beautiful brown skinned baby boy all for me and Dad to love!"

Isaac (smiling really big now): "And did you show me to Grandma?"

Me: "Oh yes, she said 'he is so adorable!'

Isaac: "Did I try to run away?"

Me: "Oh no, you could only crawl, but you stayed right by my side. You needed a Mommy too."

He scampered off to play with a warm smile on his face and I smiled too.

I went back to look at the photos taken during our infertility struggle and there were hardly any of us. I think I just didn't have it in me to smile and pose. The above shot was taken at a pumpkin patch 6 months into trying to conceive. My sister was in her third trimester with her first child and we took pics of them with her swollen belly all happy, awaiting the arrival of her Christmas baby. There would be no Christmas baby for us...no Christmas pregnancy either. And my heart began to break.

I had no idea that it would be another 16 months from the time that picture was taken, that my son would finally come home. I certainly had no idea that just about 2 short weeks before we went to that pumpkin patch that October day in 2004, he had already entered this world! But the Lord knew. And he told my tender heart to WAIT...wait for what is to come. Wait for the little one I have chosen for you. Wait to see how wonderful it will be.

And we waited...

And it was.

Leaving Town

**Update** Just got off the phone with Brandi and she has an appt. with an MS specialist in San Antonio Tues. She was able to squeeze in because they had a cancellation. She received her first bit of "good" news when the receptionist said "hopefully we will be able to do something to give you some relief." Oh my!! Thank you, Lord for this provision. I know Brandi's hope is on the low radar as she has been disappointed time and time again by leads that went nowhere. But I really feel good about this. So we will see. I will let ya'll know what this dr. says if I can update while I am there. Thank you for praying. My sweet mother-in-law said to me the other night that she checks Brandi's blog about as much as mine!! I know B appreciates the support.

On Sunday, I will be leaving for Austin until Thursday. I am going to visit my dear friend Brandi whom I blogged about a month or so ago. She has been having severe symptoms that lead us to believe she will be diagnosed with MS or something like that. Sadly, we still do not know what it is after she has had numerous MRI's and visited two different neurologists. On Tuesday of this week they did a Spinal Tap and her symptoms since then, have been really bad. She can't take care of her girls and has had to have help pretty consistently since the end of May when she had her first flare-up.

Our phone conversations are brief as she is suffering so terribly. I feel helpless so far away. Vivi and will be there for 4 nights and I hope to be a comfort to her and a helper. I know Vivi will enjoy playing with her girls and visiting the new baby.

My sister will have Isaac one night while I am gone and then Billy's mom is coming in for a couple days to help as he goes to work. I have been so saddened over all of this as I know the future for her does not look positive right now. Please join me in praying for her that she would receive a diagnosis soon so she can begin some type of treatment plan. Right now she is without any medication or help of any kind and often feels as though she is dying. I cry out to our Lord for help at this time. Only He can interecede and end her suffering.

I am loving this!

I am half way through this book and thought I would pause to blog about it as I know due to length this will need to be a two part post! I bought my copy at Half Price (woo hoo!), but it has a burnt orange cover. I typically choose "advice" books by certain criteria (1) Is it recommended, (2) is it current, as in written or updated in the past 5 years, (3) does it look practical, meaning will I actually read it and follow the suggestions. Well other than number one- this book fit all my criteria. I was hooked in the introduction by this statement:

"Studies have found that mothers of children with ADHD
often report significantly lower levels of parenting self-esteem and higher
levels of depression, self-blame, and social isolation than their counterparts
who have non-ADHD children."

Wow.

This touched me deeply as I could never put my finger on why over the years I have struggled so much with parenting my son. I am used to boys, I am used to toddler boys. But parenting this one did not add up to what I thought it would be. I have questioned "what am I doing wrong?" and at times have shied away from taking him places as I knew he would probably act up and or tick off some other parent or store employee. I didn't want it to seem like I had an out of control child. This has definitely led to feelings of isolation. I have employed the same if not stricter discipline with him, many times to no avail.

And this led me wondering what to do.

As I continued to read a resounding "yep!" escaped my lips!

"Children who have ADHD, predominately
hyperactive-impulsive type, often fidget or squirm when seated, have
difficulty waiting their turn, and are often on the go or act as they they are
driven by a motor. They often run about or climb excessively in situations
where it is not appropriate, often talk excessively, and have difficulty
engaging in quiet activities."

The following part was interesting:

"Whether you gave birth to or adopted your child, learning that there is
something wrong with him is tough...For those who adopted an infant because of
infertility, the loss may be even greater because you have already suffered the
loss of a child dreamed about but who could never be." p. 9

I don't think it was all that tough for us. Probably because Isaac didn't come home as a healthy infant. We kind of gathered we would be facing medical issues with him anyway as we know his history. So no, this is no shock to us. But still difficult to know what to do.

Chapter 5 has turned out to be one of my favorites as it is titled "Problems That Drive You Wild." The ones we could relate to are trouble going to bed- he usually fusses, pouts, stomps. When company comes to Visit- this usually leads to acting out and really wild behavior. Running errands and shopping with your child- he has had moments of dumping things randomly off shelves, running, loud noises, etc. It is just exhausting for me. Non-stop talking (if you have met him, you know I do not have to elaborate on this one!) Fails to listen and struggles with following verbal directions. The interesting part is that the end of this chapter stated that the author's sons and other children she knows with ADHD had some other baffling similarities- excessively hot, hate to have their face and head touched, labels on clothing bother them, sensitive to smells, sounds, and sights. These seem to be sensory issues of which Isaac has in common with them. Which explains why at the age of 3 he was diagnosed with Sensory Integration Disorder. I am coming to believe this was just early signs of ADHD.

I am currently on chapter 6 titled Becoming the Proactive Parent, which I will blog about when I finish the book. The thing that has been so refreshing for me about this is to see that our "extreme parenting" of Isaac has been necessary for him to feel safe, understand boundaries, and learn critical life skills. But it is interesting that I am learning these children can not be parented the same way as other children. For instance, the author says she has to closely monitor what her child watches on TV as anything with violence can quickly escalate to him mimicking these behaviors. I have had pretty strict viewing criteria for Isaac since he was a toddler and I do not allow video games that have any fighting involved. So far he has been non-aggressive with his sister and peers. I think this has a lot to do with the fact that he is not exposed to it. It will be interesting to see how Isaac behaves as he gets older and his symptoms most likely become more pronounced and bothersome to him. We will continue to closely monitor his changes and hope to get him in for a Physicological this fall.

Stay tuned for the conclusion to the book in a couple weeks!

Do any of you shop Ebay?

Vivi has really gotten into Disney princesses. She knows them each by name even though she has only seen the movies for Cinderella and Snow White (we fast forward through scary parts). We do not currently have any disney princess toys other than a tea set she was given for her b-day. I am not a big fan of the mass marketing ploys so I tend to avoid the whole collecting everything in that category gimick.

Although I didn't do too well when she was on her Minnie Mouse kick!

But funny enough for a month or so now her favorite Princess has been Ariel. She shakes and gets so excited when she sees any mermaid, crying out "My Ariel!!" So now I am on the hunt for a decent but reasonably priced Ariel doll and possibly a DVD of Ariel sing alongs or stories.The Little Mermaid movie is still too advanced and scary for her. None of the toy stores have come through for me. IS she considered a classic? I mean $36 for a fashion doll? Really?! All the ones I find are either too expensiv, too fancy, or too tiny. We need simple, she is only two. Her adoption day is celebrated in September. Our tradition has been for the paper cake plates and present to match (last year was Mickey), so this year I thought I would do Ariel. Party City has the plates and napkins but where oh where can I find a good doll that is age appropriate?! So I checked ebay and these were my findings.

The thing that trips me up is shipping which adds $6-$10 to the total price.

I do not want to pay shipping if I don't have to.
So if you find any decent Ariel dolls out there for around ten dollars,
no shipping please let me know.
Meanwhile I will keep my eye on ebay!

Hanging With Jarrett

We have had the joy of keeping Jarrett a couple times a week this summer. I began nannying for him when he was just 8 weeks old! This summer, we have taken him to water parks, Gattitown, and he has spent the night with us. But yesterday we just hung out at his house. They have a lot of land and as you can see from the video tour below of the backyard- a lot to do! Jarrett took us on a buggy ride throughout the neighborhood.
Vivi loves the trampoline. Isaac loves the pool and the wooden playhouse.

Their house is what every one's childhood dreams are made of! Lots of things that encourage just being a kid. Jarrett has always had a great imagination and is very active to this day.

Here is Jarrett climbing a tree as boys do, checking out a bird's nest.

It was full of eggs ready to hatch!

Random thoughts

I haven't really been in a posting mood lately. There seems to be a lot going on and the days fly by. I have all these promises I have made several people to get together and just have not had the energy to nail down the dates. Hoping that I can get organized about this soon, as I feel bad putting people off. I think this is the part in the summer where I get in a slump over the heat and boredom from the only few activities we can do when the weather is this hot.

I was able to talk to my dear, dear friend for 2 hours last night. She and her husband are missionaries and are back in the states while her husband receives treatment for a long standing condition. I am hoping to get a web cam for my b-day so we can Skype when she leaves the country again in a few weeks.

I am reading a book on ADHD that is amazing. I hope to post about that as I get more into it. I will also be getting together with Isaac's Awana teacher as she and her son struggle with this. She is on my mental list of friends to get together with, but as I said you can see how that is going!

I have not been in a picture taking place this past week, nor have I had much to take pics about. So I apologize for the lack of photo posts. You can scroll down and get your Isaac and Vivi fix at the end of this post!

I am currently being treated for Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder. A fancy name for extreme PMS symptoms. When I went to the Dr. she said that she had 3 patients other than me that week that came in with the same complaints. Basically the four days before our period starts, we go crazy. This has been me since college. But I have never aggressively sought treatment as I always chalked it up to something else. Since we have been married it was the stress of being a newlywed, the stress of infertility, the stress of foster parenting, the stress of adopting, the stress of moving from a house to an apartment...you name it. But the bottom line is I am ok 2 weeks out of the month and really bad the other two. So she has me on Prozac (thrillsville!). I begin taking it the week before my PMS would kick in, up until my period starts. So about 2 weeks a month. We are going to do this for at least 2 cycles and then reevaluate whether it is working. So we will see. If you know me, you know I HATE taking medicine. So this is a big challenge for me to stick to this regimen. I am such a baby about swallowing pills that I even take a gummy adult multivitamin! And I don't even do that regularly. So we will see.

I will be in Austin next week, but will go into more details about that in another post. Right now I need to feed my kids breakfast!

Here they are enjoying their first orange push-up pop as we drive home from Florida. This was always my favorite treat from the icecream man as a child! Billy said Vivi looked like a clown with that face and hair! Cracked me up!!

ViviNanna Pote

How Vivi says her name cracks us up!!!

Living Entitlement Free

When we were in Florida, Billy and I spent an hour alone at a bookstore reading. I picked up some ADHD books, but this book caught my eye and within an hour I had devoured half of it. Here is a description written by the author I found online:

The Entitlement-Free Child is now available in bookstores everywhere. The stress of living in a "Me, Mine, Now" culture is high. Everyone's in a panic:

If I don't get what I want now, it won't be there for me later.
If you get yours before me, you might take too much.
If I wait, it won't be the same or feel as good.
What if you have something I don't have?
What if what you have is better than what I have?


Sounds like most two-year-olds! Parents have the power to change the entitlement culture by teaching young children entitlement-free values starting in early childhood.

The Entitlement-Free Child explains how we got here and how to move away from "Me, Mine, Now" thinking by teaching children how to be part of something bigger - a family, a school, a world.

Quick fixes won't work, neither does giving-in or buying-up.

This is the book for the new economy. Parents can no longer say "yes" to everything their children want and the old ways of trying to make kids happy by over-indulging them don't fit anymore (not that over-indulgence ever worked). With new limits on spending and cracks in the protective bubble, parents need new parenting strategies. This book gives parents step-by-step strategies for hundreds of real-life parenting challenges.


The only way to have "more" in life and give a child "more" is to make entitlement-free choices now:

-Eliminate the self-perpetuating stress of entitlement where nothing is ever enough
-Learn how and when to say "no" without debilitating guilt
-Teach children self respect and respect for others
-Teach children self control and postponed gratification
-Teach children age-appropriate problem solving skills
-Give children age-appropriate responsibility for choices and behavior

I have an example of the "nothing is ever enough" scenario:
I spent some time with a sweet 8 year old boy whom I just love. He had purchased a new toy and I said "Aren't you glad you found those at the store." He said "yeah, but after a day or so the excitement wears off and then I just want more." Wow. The fact that he could articulate this!! Then he went into explaining a new expensive personal video gaming system that would be "buying up" from the one he already has that actually still works great and has hundreds of dollars in games already collected for it.

Funny thing is, that these values start young! I had a friend email me and ask how to stop the whining with her toddler daughter. I told her that you have to nip whining in the bud EARLY. The best way I have found is to never honor a whiny request, along with rephrasing the request in a nice voice for the child. I have said "I don't know what you are saying, please ask me in a nice voice." If they continue to fuss I walk away. The key is consistency. You have to do it every time.

Another technique we use is that Vivi has always been demanding about getting a cup of milk after her nap. She has been known to fuss and whine for it and the moment she starts I leave the kitchen and say "Mommy will get your cup when you stop fussing for it." even if this will bring on a full tantrum. I resist the temptation to have the cup sitting on the counter for her when she gets up. I have seen this done with other children and it is never a good thing to start a young child out with a sense of entitlement. Believe me you will regret it when they turn 3 and 4. To me loving our kids means teaching them skills to understand dissapointment, delayed gratification, and other hard feelings. They do not need to have it NOW and should get used to that being how the world works. What they need is our prescence there as they go through those hard feelings to guide them and have compassion for how they feel not to bail them out by structuring the home environment to give in to their every whim and want. The world does not work that way. Children who are entitlement free view their world from a "You" perspective not a "Me" perspective. If your child has turned one, they are old enough for this type of parenting and believe me you will want to start this well before their second birthday.

One thing the book specifically said was for parents to not say "I'm sorry" about things you don't have control over. A popular parenting philosophy of our day has parents saying "I'm sorry you broke your toy." "I'm sorry you can't wear your rain coat today." "I'm sorry but I love you too much to argue". What are you sorry about? Sorry should be reserved for moments when you truly need to ask your child's forgiveness, not because it is raining outside and they missed a playdate. In that moment you could say "I am sad for you that you can't go to the beach today. I know you were really looking forward to that." This sympathizes with their dissappointment without taking the blame on yourself. I thought this made a lot of sense.

Here are some tips I found online:

Tips on raising well-adjusted, entitlement-free children:

*Emphasize the importance of family. No matter how far removed or alienated your kids may seem to be, it helps if they have a strong sense of family.

*Demonstrate unconditional love and balance. Strive to seek a healthy balance between being a child-centered family and a parent-focused family.

*Consciously define fundamental values. Actively educate children by pointing out and explaining interactions and behaviors. Use teachable moments with yourself, your child and others as examples.

*Constantly re-evaluate normalcy. Every once in a while, find a way to step back and gain the perspective you need to stay calm and resist getting swept up in doing something simply because most people are doing it.

*Practice active parenting. Kids need active parents to help them navigate their access to the world and excess of information and "things." Your strong presence attests to your love and helps you thwart the power of negative techno-social influences on your children.

*Model behavior consistent with moral character. Children will surprise you. Even when you think they are not paying attention, they are picking up on your most subtle traits.

*Keep pace with technology and the youth culture. Being complacent about the effects technology and culture have on your children is risky and dangerous. If you are lagging behind in the discussion, you are sure to fall behind in your parenting as well.

*Establish and maintain appropriate limits. Without limits and boundaries, the world becomes a scary and unsafe place. If you establish and maintain limits, your children will be less likely to ask for things excessively and more likely to have self-discipline, positive self-esteem, a good work ethic and respect for authority and themselves.

Source: Adapted from "Generation Text: Raising Well-Adjusted Kids in an Age of Instant Everything" by Dr. Michael Osit, a New Jersey-based clinical psychologist.

I think the "Active parenting" is the key in this. As a nanny I saw lots of parents just coasting through raising their kids. They did not take an active involvement in their child's media influence, friend infuence, or put much focus on their child's moral character. Parents, if we don't raise our kids right, who will?

This book is a great resource in rethinking how we do things with our kids!

This Year, I love Summer

Oooh, sprinkle dipped cone? Yum!!

No , I will not be tempted by the lure of your creamy goodness and beckoning colors!
Well, maybe just one little taste.

I'm hooked!! Throw another scoop on here!
Seriously Mom...can I get some mint chocolate chip

or something up on this thing?

I haven't always loved summer. It is long, it is exhausting (I always nannied, so it is one activity after the next!), and it is SO unbelievably HOT. Plus my birthday is in the summer which did not lend itself to parties, as most potential guests were out of town. But this year I have found a new love for summer, as I see it through the eyes of my children. To them, summer rocks! They get to swim, they get to stay up later, they get pizza, they go on vacation, they get lots and lots of time with Mommy, and they get icecream. Summer for them is like the best time of the year!

And so far it has been really good to me too. Still not crazy about the heat though.

I couldn't resist throwing in this shot of Vivi with her first sparkler on the end of a ball of playdough. Just look at that face!!

Settling Back in....and SO tired.

We have been home for two days now and my eyes are bleary with exhaustion. In Florida we stayed up way past our usual bedtimes (for all of us!!) but the kids still woke us up well before 7:00 every day. SO now all this is catching up with me and I find myself nodding off. Our laundry is finally finishing up. This week I will not have much time to blog, I'll try to throw in a picture or two to give you something to look at!

I have Jarrett today and tomorrow-the plan is to go to Gattitown and a waterpark. Then the kids and I have to go to my Bible Study Wed, Biodfeedback twice, Billy has off Thursday (library and hunting for a new cell phone for me), and Friday is playgroup and a Dr's appt. for me. Then Sat. night hopefully going out with my sweet friend to celebrate her b-day that I missed by a day back in June! Boo on me.

I guess I am not going to be recovering from my exhaustion this week.

On a side note my brain is also cluttered by all of the ads for school supplies coming out. Isaac has a 20 item list I need to purchase and I want to get the best deal on everything. I can't believe I have to even think about this in July- but shockingly enough Meet the Teacher is in only 6 weeks, and we all know how fast 6 weeks can go by! Then there are school clothes to get and shoes. Tax Free weekend isn't until the weekend before school starts this year! I was so dissappointed to see that. It includes school supplies for the first time, but who wants to wait that late to get them when places start selling out of stuff. I do not want to join the already maddening crowd at the stores shopping for last minute supplies plus add to it the crowds of tax-free shoppers. Good gracious. I don't think I have it in me this year. Billy pointed out that you only save $8 on a $100 purchase, so it's not like the savings are all that worth the stress and crowds right before I have to ship my baby off to Pre-K five days a week!

Whew. That wore me out...I think I might go back to bed. :)

Portraits on the beach

We Are Home

Here are some more pics of our Florida fun!

The kids did sparklers for the first time.

I put playdough on the end so they wouldn't get burned.

Here is Isaac doing potato heads with that HAT!

This kid wore his hat for a whole week.


12 hours after leaving Florida, we arrived back in HOT Texas. Good gracious, people.
102 degrees? Really?
The ride home was so good and easy. The kids were great, I laughed a lot- I guess I was tired and giddy. I learned that if you can't afford a Uhaul, you can just put about 10 rubbermaid containers and a bunch of bungee cords on the roof of your van, and shrink wrap your furniture to a trailer and that works out just fine!
I wish I had taken a picture of that, I laughed off and on for hours after we passed that guy.
It is good to be home. We are sweating as the AC kicks back into high gear.

I will try to post the kids beach portraits tonight or tomorrow.
They are gorgeous....so stay tuned!

Sam's Fun City

Isaac was in line for another ride and said in the cutest voice to the attendant, "Excuse me sir, my baby sister is too little for this. Could we please go on that train instead?" So the man went over to the train and put them on. Such a sweet big brother.

Our vacation is coming to a close but not before we headed out to Sam's Fun City today- Pensacola's amusement park. Three and a half hours of jam packed fun had the kids passed out in the van on the ride home! Isaac loves this place and this has been his 3rd year to go. He rode his first rollercoaster and ferris wheel here when he was just 20 months old! Vivi was not quite the dare devil. She had a look of terror on some of the rides and would cry out "Mooommmmy!"

Billy and Isaac had fun getting soaked in the bumper boats and beating out the other drivers on the go karts. Great father son bonding as I do NOT do carnival rides. Hopefully Vivi won't follow in my footsteps and will be able to venture out and have fun without throwing up!