Haircuts

**If you have read this post already, scroll to the bottom where I have a little attachment update!!**It is our first Saturday morning with 3 kids and I think we are all caught up on our sleep because at 6:45, we are parked in front of Diego! I am about to make pineapple upside down pancakes but I thought you might like an update while things are peaceful around here. Yesterday, I got clearance from our caseworker to get J's hair cut. It went so well! Could their be any 2 more perfect brothers? :)

When you don't allow video gaming at home, your boys get real excited to go get hair cuts!
He sat so well. At one point while she was edging him up, he slowly took off his cape, balled it up and handed it to Destiny. I told her he is a silent protester! His hair looks so much better now. It was wispy and baldish in places. Now he looks healthy and groomed. And I was able to promote Carol's Daughter's hair milk (that I use to condition the boys heads) to the hair stylist. I brought that and his boar's head brush to the salon so she could use it after his cut. She loved it and said she needs to get it for her son! That always makes us moms of African American kids feel good when we are the possessers of good hair care knowledge!

These two are becoming fast friends! They wanted to hold hands on our way to the mailboxes. And they have a game of hiding in Vivi's closet and I wander around the house "looking" for them to discover them giggling in a big heap in the closet. When I open the door fast they both start thrashing around and screaming. It is so cute to watch them bond.

Having a toddler boy in the house again has shown me that you have to get creative with the gross motor activities that they crave! Thankfully we have lots of tile in our house...so with the temps hitting in the 100's, I moved the bikes in.

We are currently working on showing and receiving affection. He does not give hugs or kisses or request being picked up. This morning he did kind of lean in to me though and let me hold him for a minute, so that is a start. I am trying to get him to blow a kiss or atleast respond to facial expressions. Meaning if I smile at him, getting him to smile back which he does not do yet.

And he is definitely exerting an opinion now. He will fuss more if things don't go his way. He made his first request yesterday when he pointed to his booster and said "eat". I said "do you want pizza?" and he got really excited so we took him to Cici's. The kid polished off a serious amount of food...just like his brother! Great to be able to get some nutrients in him with a spinach slice, vegetarian, and canadian bacon with pineapple. We have begun our multi and omega 3 vitamin routine with him too which he is responding well to. He is such a blessing and joy to our family. It is like Christmas morning every day to wake up to this child. My caseworker paid me the best compliment yesterday. I sent her some photos of him smiling which she has not seen him do in the 7 weeks she has been on his case. She said something like "you sure have a way with these (last name) children! They go from being so sad to bundles of joy. Thank you so much!" I wanted to say No, thank you!!! for bringing me the best boys in the world! It is like winning the lottery twice.

**Attachment Update: This morning, as is my routine on Saturdays, I got my bags together and calculator to head to the grocery store. Well, J begins to run down the hall saying "shoes, shoes!" I said "Buddy, your closet is in this room where all your shoes are. But you are staying here with brother and sister while I go to the store. I'll be right back." Panic stricken he follows me to the door hobbling with one shoe on and carrying the other. I said "you stay here and play toys!" He immediately starts balling! He was grinding his fists in his eyes again. I smiled at Billy and said "this is a good sign!" and he agreed. I said "J, do you want to come with Mommy to the store?" and he nodded his head and stopped crying. He said "car?" and pointed out front. Isaac asked why does he get to go with you...which is funny because he hates errands! I said "because in his world people leave and they don't come back. He doesn't know that this Mom is going to be around for a long time, so he has to stick to my side like glue until he believes that." I was so touched that after being with me 3 days he is already bonding in a major way. Billy said "well there goes the church nursery!" we may be sitting in the cry room with our boy for awhile, but that is okay with us.

Our First Outing

It was important for me that we stay home the first 2 days after J's arrival, so that he could have lots of time to feel out the house and begin to feel comfortable in his space. Today, however we were all ready for a little outing. I took the kids to a splash playground. I had never been to this one before, it was so fun!
He loves water and was laughing and spinning around getting his head all wet.

Fits in real well with Nemo and Dory over here!

We have always said Isaac has a set of gills. He stays underwater at pools for so long, lifeguards have gotten nervous. Probably doesn't help that he looks like he is alone in the pool without a parent even when I am swimming right next to him! You gotta have a sense of humor about your transracial adoption when you are in public places....but I digress...

After all that water fun...we changed clothes and had a picnic in the shade...relief!

J ate every single thing on his plate, which is huge because we have discovered he does not care for any vegetables or fruit of any kind...or eggs! That could be a problem in this house as those are staples of most meals! I offered blueberries to him yesterday and he shook his head and wrapped them up in his napkin. Today he ate 4 and asked for more! I was so happy!

It's the little things, people. :)

After lunch we played for maybe all of 7 minutes on the "Hot!" playground. Hot is one of J's few words. He also says book, ball, shoes, and tries to say Oscar. Oh and he is getting into Woody from Toy Story with all of our gear around here, so he tries to say that too. He gets excited when he sees Woody on things and he will point and gesture and bring other Woody stuff over to show me that it's the same. So cute.

OH! And I was able to rock him to sleep for his first nap here with very little protesting. Hence my ability to be able to blog in the middle of the day. He actually turned around in my lap at one point to put his head on my chest. He fell asleep within minutes. This is one sleep deprived child. He slept another 11 hours last night. According to our caseworker, his foster home had no schedule, offered no naps, and didn't even have a bedtime they could give her. They said he would just fall asleep on the couch at 10:00 watching movies with the teenagers. I cringe to think what was playing.

We are looking forward to Billy being home for the next 3 days, he is taking Monday off as a personal day to aide in bonding with J. So hopefully they can get some good rocking time in too! Have a great weekend!

long update....

We have some hat lovin' kids around here, hence the whole bin of hats in the boys room!

Today went well again. Of course I understand this could very well be the "honeymoon" period as many adoption experts say is typical with welcoming home a child vs. a baby. I had to wake J up this morning after more than 11 hours of sleep because he was in a pool of pee! Reminded me so much of Isaac! After a dry diaper, breakfast, another bath, and lots of lotion...he was dressed and ready to go to his mother's visit. The caseworker told me that she told his mother that J is in the same home with his brother and she gave her a photo I gave her yesterday of Isaac and Viv. She said their birthmother cried and showed J the picture saying "Is this your brother?" Their birthmother said that it was wonderful and was so glad to hear that news. This is huge for us because we have had a closed adoption for all these years, and if J ends up going to adoption...the fact that they are placed together could really be a comfort to his birthfamily. She also said he smelled so good. That made me feel great. I emailed the caseworker this afternoon and told her that I spent today getting J's WIC appt. (food subsidy), ECI referral (speech therapy), and got on our dentist's wait list to take care of more than one cavity that this sweet little boy already has in his mouth that have never been treated. She said "great job on getting services set up already". So we are moving along....

Today, he had a couple of protests. I wouldnt' call them fits. He fussed and balled his fists into his eyes on two occasions when things didn't go his way. I gathered him up and carried him around the house until he was distracted. He LOVES our framed photos all over the house, so my top priority this weekend is to get up some of him too. Tonight he pointed at the bed and said softly "no". I said " I know" and took him to the rocking chair. After 3 stories, he fussed about wanting more and then fussed about wanting to get down when I said no more books. He was making little noise but tears began to run down his cheek. This was so much like Isaac in the beginning before he felt safe to find his voice. He would cry with no sound. J makes noises but it doesn't sound like a real cry. Kids who do not have their needs met, learn real quick that crying loud and hard wears you out and serves no purpose. It will actually be a blessing the day he launches into a full blown tantrum, because we will know that he is beginning to understand that someone will hear him and come. I didn't address his protests or tell him to stop I just softly said "I know you want more books..." and then began to sing. I am not kidding when I say he was asleep and snoring 90 seconds later! He was out by 7 p.m.! I can see with J that my parenting style has grown so much over the years. Raising Isaac from toddlerhood on, we were always strict and tried to control his behaviors which was really, really hard. But raising Vivi with her sleep issues as a baby and crying jags from birth to 3 months and now her fits...have really taught me a lot about attachment parenting. I have had to tap into slower, gentler ways of doing things with J because he is a child from a "hard place" as The Connected Child points out. Now, don't get me wrong I do not let him have his way if it is something I have already said no to, but I do allow him to not be okay with that without feeling like I need to control his emotions. (i.e. phrases like "that's enough", "stop crying" etc. do not help a child heal) He has a right to feel and express his feelings as long as he does not hurt anyone else.

I cannot wait for the day that he chooses to come to me. Several times today I sat on the floor and said "J, you look like you need a hug" if he got hurt or upset. He never chose to come to me. It does not upset me as I understand. The books Toddler Adoption and Attaching in Adoption have been huge resources for me during this time. We are practicing a technique called "reparenting" which is where you give the child what they missed out on. This could include rocking, holding, kisses, back scratches, having food available often if a child was denied food, teaching them to seek comfort from you if they are hurt or upset. I am hoping with these techniques we will see some progress in his intensely independent nature. This has exhibited itself in the fact that he puts himself in his booster seat and buckles himself in, tries to open his own packages, opens the fridge right up when he wants something and puts his cup away when he is done, does not seek comfort when he is hurt or even cry, doesn't ask for help for anything, and on and on. We don't want him to carry on as though he is alone in the world which is very much what he does now. He is so sweet, I just want him to have everything that every child deserves to have. Please pray for us as we get his services taken care of, work on bonding; and teaching him that in this family he does have a voice, his needs will always be met, and parents are really great resources when you want something done!

Cozy and sleepy....

We are on 11 hours that this sweet baby has been asleep. Mandy at The Party of 3 said it right on this morning when she commented on my last post and said, "I'm so glad that J's at your home where he is safe and sound!" Love it.

He's Home!

Our little man got here around 2:30 today. He was timid at first but once he took the tour of the house, safely in the arms of his caseworker...he was ready to get down and play!

This child loves toys...LOVES them. He played and played and played for hours all the way up until bedtime. He took a very fun bath, he is a fish like his brother...and when I put him in his pjs and his belly stuck out, it reminded me so much of my son as a toddler, I just couldn't help but keep hugging and kissing him. I am so, so glad he is in our home and safe. He enjoyed sporting his new backpack and I have filled it with diapers and snacks for his visit with his birthmother tomorrow. He is getting along fine with the kids. They are having to adjust to all of the attention J is getting, being that we are working on bonding and attachment. I shadow him wherever he goes and we say his name a lot. He doesn't respond to his name being used much at all. He ate a big dinner of lasagna and breadsticks brought to us by our church friends...who have done SO much for us to support us during this time. It is such a blessing to have people respond in a way just like if you had brought a brand new infant home. The adjustment period for a toddler coming into your family can be more exhausting as they don't sleep on and off all day! Tonight I had the amazing privilege of putting my daughter to bed per her normal routine (she is a major Mama's girl) and then rocking and singing J to sleep. It took 45 minutes in the rocking chair...as he is hyper vigilant...but he settled and laid on my chest and rubbed a new teddy bear and blanket I gave him. I had him drink water out of a sippy cup with a soft spout like a bottle, he sucked it down. I could tell he enjoyed the sucking and rocking. Isaac came in the room and asked why he was being rocked to sleep (as we usually stop that habit in infancy with our kids) and I said "because some babies don't get rocked, so when they get older they might be sad in their hearts for what they missed. J needs a mama to rock him." He patted his head and went off to bed. I had flashbacks of my little toddler Isaac and his first night home being rocked as he sucked down his bottle of PediaSure. It choked me up a little.

After lots of songs, and 3 rounds of "Goodnight Moon", J actually fell asleep holding his Tykelight.Jr that I bought him. I highly recommend these! Vivi has the pink one, Isaac the green, and J has the blue one. They glow so softly and are a real comfort to the kids at night. They even have a 15 minute timer and then can shut themselves off. J wouldn't put his down, so when he passed out on me, I had to slowly slip it out of his grasp. Then I put him into the bed and he woke up and just looked around and played with his bear while I laid next to him. That took another 30 minutes...he was so still but would not give up to sleep. It is important to me that for atleast the first several weeks he is parented to sleep to help with bonding. So that was day one!! Having a toddler around is exhausting and with the amount of needs he has, we will be really shadowing him for quite sometime, so please pray for my strength and stamina to keep up with 3 very busy kids! I know it is well worth it, and it is truly the joy of my heart to have this boy here.

Waiting For J

Billy set up the bunk beds last night!

He said "take a picture of me while I am still in a good mood"

and boy did he call that one, because his mood went down quickly!

The pieces all laid out in the playroom.

Before

After! Isaac slept while I took these pictures, with the bedroom lights all on!

His college roomate will love him!

Across from the beds is our craigslist dresser, I needed one with 6 + drawers for 2 boys.

I hope to repaint it in primary colors.

Their closet and cd player by the door.

In front of the beds is the costume/hat box.

Under the bed has so much storage space I am thrilled.

This is the cleanest the room will ever be again! :)

I got the brothers matching jerseys for their sports themed rooms.

It was so fun to buy these for them to wear!

We are so thankful for the generosity of Billy's family and a few friends that sent us giftcards and a generous check, gave us the bunk beds, bought us J's bedding and some clothes...to help us prepare for his arrival! I went shopping and bought him shoes and pj's too among other things.

When he takes his tour of his new home this afternoon, there are surprises waiting for him throughout...

On his bed is a Buzz backpack stuffed with a soft Buzz toddler blanket, a personal nightlight guy, a beach ball, bathing suit, and new socks.

In the playroom awaits a giftbag with some balls, a super soft teddy bear, a toy car, bubbles, sunglasses and gummy candy.

In the kitchen is his new booster seat and serving ware.

I will put animal crackers on his plate before he gets here in case he comes hungry.

And in the bathroom is a fun vinyl bag with a new fluffy bath towel, fish sponge, toothbrush and toothpaste and body wash.

I wanted to set some stuff up intentionally so he will know he has a place here, he belongs, he is wanted and loved. If he comes with any "transitional objects"...stuffed animals, blankets, towels...I will not wash them for several days so he has something familiar.

When we went for his visit I brought him a photo album of us and the dogs so he could get used to us.

He should be here in a couple of hours!!!

The long awaited "Big News" Post!!!

I never thought the day would come that I could finally post about this! Thank you to all of you who have been waiting anxiously with us and praying for us. I told you that our little family silhouette at the top of the blog was your clue as to how our family will be changing, but I bet you can never guess how that is so, as it appears that Billy is holding the hand of a toddler NOT a baby! Well...on June 30th...the same day our private agency approved us as adoptive parents, we got a call that turned our world upside down! The call came from Isaac's old Child Protective Services caseworker. She told me that Isaac had a two and a half year old biological brother who entered foster care and she was hoping we would be willing to have him placed with us as a kinship placement. Of course we were excited about the notion of Isaac having a brother! But the first thing we needed to do was check with our private agency as we are already waist deep in a domestic infant adoption. We do not know if little "J" as he will be referred to on here will become an adoptive placement, so we want to continue to pursue our adoption of a baby. Our agency was fine with it, and CPS is fine with us doing both as well. The kids and I got to meet J a couple weeks ago at the advocacy center and he is just adorable. We have explained to Isaac that his birthmother had another son and that the caseworker that brought him to us wants us to keep his brother for awhile. We have told him we may not be able to adopt him and he seems okay with the scenario...very excited to get bunk beds in his room, of all things!

So after waiting to get a kinship homestudy done...and then waiting to have that submitted...and then waiting to get the call that we were approved...we are elated to announce he is coming home tomorrow! I will not be posting any personal information about his situation (other than general info. like court hearings, etc.) or post any photos of his sweet face. So for now you will have to get used to seeing this little heart sticker on any pictures that have J in them. I will be spending my day washing bed sheets, new pj's, and cleaning the house in anticipation of his arrival! I will post pics of our preperations tomorrow morning after Isaac's dentist appt.

Isaac Our Helper

Isaac helped me organize school supplies for our church drive.

I was able to find a really cute backpack for only $5 at Walmart and about $16 more dollars got me ALL of these supplies.
We dropped them off on Sunday.

Isaac also loves helping Dad on the lawn. He really can't push the lawn mower.

It is too hard for him yet.

But he likes to try!

Our weekend

Another summer weekend behind us. This has been a very busy month of activities, which i am thankful for because we are now down to just 4 weeks left until school starts! This weekend we went to Gattitown on Friday night (videos will be on Facebook, blogger is a pain in the rear about uploading videos) and Saturday night we had a b-day party to go to. Tonight we went to a steering meeting for our church...as a few of us couples are trying to get an adoption and foster care ministry up and running. Our church has over 3,000 members...so there is definetly a need!

The b-day party was held at a waterpark for 2 brothers that we know through our current adoption ministry (which celebrates 5 years of ministry in Sept. Woohoo!) Their very creative Mama rented out the little waterpark we love to go to and even had a snow cone vendor come out! The kids loved that.

Here they are playing on a water pump that shoots up a blast....as seen in the picture below!

Isaac of course loves the lazy river.

Billy got this great shot of Vivi.

She photographs so well.

Then there was a request for a group picture...not an easy task. You can see my two are smiling...they are pretty used to the camera!

Right after this a huge gush of water fell on all the kids and sent them screaming.

That was the highlight of the evening for us parents!

This week I have dentist appointments for both kids on 2 different days at 2 different dentists...gotta love Medicaid. The kids and I have an event at a bounce house place and hopefully we will finally be able to share on here our good news that I brought up over a week ago! Sorry. I really, really thought we would have had something to announce by now...but nope.

All that will be explained soon...I hope!

Praying everyone has a safe and happy last week of July!

Solving a Puzzle-A Lesson in Waiting...

Vivi's new thing is puzzles.

She is really into them.

She is good at them,

but I am not all that good at watching and waiting for her to complete them.

I want to suggest she do all the edges first...but I don't.

I want to take the pieces out of her hand and turn them the right way for her.
But I don't.

I want to put the last piece in and bask in the glory of the finished product.

But I don't.

It is so hard to just wait for her to solve the problem at hand.

But in the same token, I have a really, really hard time watching

and waiting for God to work too.

I want to fix it, now.

I want it completed, now.

I am not interested in the process....I want the final result.

And I want to tell Him how to get there.

And yet He is so patient with me as He continues to teach me to wait for Him to provide a way.
Watch what I am going to do, the Lord speaks to my heart.

The final result is always so much sweeter when I let go of control.

Superhero Challenge

On the last camp day, the kids performed 2 songs and their Bible verse for the parents. They could wear their red camp shirts (which we had already worn twice) or a superhero costume.
Guess what Isaac wanted to wear.

Adoption Fundraising Update

**Note...this is not the highly anticipated "News" I alluded to in earlier posts...that is still to come...but this is an update none-the-less.

As you can see from my sidebar, we have been actively raising funds to pay our adoption fees through support letters. We first sent out a round of letters to personal friends and family that we thought would be okay with sending us money directly. That has accounted for over $1500 so far, which we are SO excited about. But as you can see, our deficit is great at close to $18,000. We then applied with Lifesong for Orphans for a matching grant and they have awarded us $4,000 IF we can raise that much in return. That will hopefully account for $8,000 total. So we have asked supporters to send checks directly to Lifesong to hopefully meet our goal by August 19th (my 32nd birthday!). Over the past month, we have had some really surprising donations...several friends gifting us with hundreds of dollars each! And my wonderful elderly Grandmother was so generous in her donation as well. We have family members who have offered to make several payments towards our fees, some very large... which is a blessing beyond words. But most surprising of all is that a couple who has read our blogs for about a year emailed me saying that they felt led to contribute to our adoption! They sent their check to Lifesong and it was so much more than I could ever have expected from people who don't even know us in real life! God has been so, so good to us during this process. That being said, you can see we are still so very far from our goal. We actually owe the agency money right now that we can't pay. I have finally posted a paypal donation button on the sidebar for my dear friend who lives out of the country and others who may feel led to help us out.

As far as the process goes, we are approved and waiting to be matched with a birthmother. There is noone on the radar right now that we know of...so we will continue to wait. We have been setting up the nursery and have had a friend donate us a bunch of great baby boy clothes...so if that is God's will for our baby's gender...we are ALL set! Thank you to each of you readers...and especially to all of my new followers (what a fun surprise to have ya'll commenting!) for following along with us as we wait upon the Lord to see who our baby will be! I have enjoyed following along with many of your blogs as well. Seems like several of us are in the waiting process and it is a balm to my soul to know we are not alone in our anxiousness!

A Little Something To Think About...

Awhile ago, I worked on a series of posts on the topic of Transracial Adoption. It is always on the forefront of my mind as our family cannot just blend in when we go out and about. I have recently been diving into a great blog written by John Raible, a biracial adoptee and fellow adoptive dad who has a series he has done called "Crash Course in Transracial Parenting." It is greatness. Here is the opening line to the series:

"Obtain a kid from overseas recently? Or still fantasizing about rescuing somebody's orphan? Perhaps you are in the process of saving one of those less expensive kids from foster care? Slow down, Partner!"
Ouch.
That is harsh, isn't it? But I think it is this kind of honest reflection and bluntness that is SO needed in today's adoption culture. He says that we are to be "allies in the joint struggle against racism and adoption reform." You have got to read his blog, watch the documentaries he recommends and has participated in (Especially First Person Plural...so eye opening), and begin to talk about these issues before you just jump right in to wanting to adopt one of those adorable chocolate colored kids. There is so much more to it...especially for those of you with one or more biological children who are caucasian. It is not enough to say love is all they need. Because it is not. Read my series linked at the top...but more importantly go read John's. His perspective is of one who has been there.

no news yet

Sadly...we have nothing to report yet. Things have been delayed...so goes this roller coaster journey we are always on! Tomorrow or Friday I may be able to post something. This has been a rough week to say the least. Thank you all for your msg's and emails. I will post as soon as we have some news...good or bad!

Summer Day Camp!

I am very excited that Isaac is going to be in day camp this coming week...not because I want a quiet house...although that is a bonus! But because the camp will be so great! A local mega church is doing a nutrition and fitness daycamp but because they were afraid that would be boring for kids, they have called it the Superhero Challenge! Each day has a Bible story about a hero (Daniel, Gideon, Deborah, Jesus, and The Samaritan). Also, everyday is a health challenge (i.e. food pyramids, bread group, dairy group, etc.) and a fitness challenge (i.e. gymnastics, a boot camp, karate, bounce houses, and dance) They will also have crafts like decorate a reusable water bottle and bottle pouch, a chef's apron and hat, a nutrition dial, and a blessing placemat). Then to top it all off, there will be visitors like musical groups, Chef Academy bringing a parfait activity, a guy who will teach them about dairy and actually milk a cow for them, and the fitness class leaders. Their camp verse that will be on all their crafts and their t-shirts is "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me". Phil. 4:13. On the last day of camp they will sing two songs on stage for the parents, one by a band we just heard about from some friends who gave us a cd called "Go Fish". (Thank you, Flage's, we love it!) That song is fittingly called "Superhero". Then us parents will get a lesson on feeding our children well and exercise. If I volunteer, I got a $25 discount on tuition so tomorrow I will be in his class. I bought him healthy lunches to take with him for the week and hopefully tomorrow I can get some good pictures. Should be lots of fun!!!