Saturday, February 26, 2011
Friday, February 25, 2011
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
I am ovulating.
All I can think is...
What does it matter...
Its not like
Anything could come of it.
I hate you...
I love this. Love the rawness that it conveys. The heartache always hanging around sometimes unnoticable to the rest of the world, but to those of us barren... so very profound.
And the other thing that has clung to my thoughts is a comment left on a dear friend's blog after the amazing and wonderful story of her baby's birth. A friend of hers wrote, "just beautiful. birthing babies is definitely God’s grace to women…such an incredible experience."
I read this and actually said outloud, Ouch.
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Hummus w/wheat pretzel sticks, sausages, olives and a dill pickle, cheddar cheese, horseradish spread on wheat thins, and sliced plum. Oh, and a yogurt drink.
This particular child goes through growth spurts where his pants become too short overnight, he sleeps 11 hours straight, and is constantly hungry...even after eating a full course dinner. This particular child is a head taller then every single child in his class at school. This child drools over burger commercials and dreams of pizza buffets....for the salad bar.
Have you guessed?
I plan to get back to my regular blogging program around here and stop talking about sickness so much! Of course we will have J's posts next week when we go into the hospital to get his tonsils out. But after that...we are moving forward into the spring with positive thoughts and restored hope for the future!!
Saturday, February 19, 2011
Billy was so sweet to buy his daughter a silk rose (her favorite color, of course!) and a small box of chocolates and he bought me tulips and a big box of chocolates!! He was out of town on Valentines day, so he gave me these the day before and then sent me an email later in the week for a pedicure which I did this morning AND he is bringing home Olive Garden take out which is becoming our Valentine tradition!
Friday, February 18, 2011
These two continue to be the best of friends! Today, J's caseworker came for a visit. The bad news first: she has done NOTHING in the way of ruling out the birthfather. And I mean nothing. I was very frank with her about how frustrating that is to hear being that this child has been in the foster care system for 7 months and they could have either: a)found him by now and had him sign a waiver to his paternal rights or b) ruled him out as unknown and terminated his rights in court. She had nothing to say to that. So as of now, there is a court hearing at the end of May to do that and then of course "his" 45 day appeal period will then go into effect. So that puts us at a July adoption date at the earliest. Billy and I could not be more ticked off. He will be calling our attorney on Monday to see what if anything we can do to expedite this obnoxious process. *Huge Sigh*
The good news: she handed me two letters from the boys' birthmother! One to us and one to the boys. This is SO big for us because we have never had anything from the birthfamily, not a picture, not a token of Isaac's infancy, nothing. I read them and scanned them immediately for preservation. The letters will remain their private property but I wanted to share a few lines from our letter:
"To The Family That Adopted My Boys"
"...I would like to thank you for taking both of my babies and loving them as your own...I do love and miss them...I will try to keep in contact through letters and cards if that is okay with you...maybe one day God will bless us to meet personally and then I can tell you how grateful that I am."
And my favorite line in their letter said, "letting you go live with your Mommy and Family was the best thing for both of you."
All I can say is "WOW." What an amazing gift to us and them. This is especially amazing coming from children who were removed from foster care. For her to want to do that for them despite her sadness in losing them, is more than we could ever ask for. And it makes maintaining contact with her through pictures and letters all the more meaningful. I want to take her in a big hug and cry with her for the raw end she was dealt in life, for all the bad decisions that led her to this place, and for the gift of life that she gave to my sons. I want to tell her that I know if she could have the life she wanted; she would be healthy, make positive life choices, get clean, and be able to raise the boys she gave birth to. But because she can't or won't, our life is richer and more full. And that just doesn't seem fair, in so many ways it is not. However, I also know my body didn't work right because our God had a bigger plan for my children to come to me, and that plan involved loss and deep sadness for all of us. But the outcome is that I have smiling, happy, thriving sons and a daughter who are the absolute world to me. And that the path that brought us all to this place was worth it a hundred times over.
As I end this blog post (can you tell my head is not so foggy anymore?! Praise God!) I wanted to explain this picture. We put Vivi in J's bed the other night and when we came into check on them, this is what we found:
Thursday, February 17, 2011
In other health news, we had J's ENT appt. today and they gave us the results of his sleep study. They said he has "severe obstruction sleep apnea". The ENT wants to take his adenoids and tonsils out on March 1st and admit him to the hospital directly after for 24 hour observation. I need to get back to normal so he can have his Mama with him in the hospital. Right now we are going to be trying to work out childcare for those 2 days for the other 2 kids. We have a couple options.
I am hoping if my dizziness can stay at bay long enough tomorrow, that I may be able to upload our Valentine pictures and get back to a normal blogging routine. For now I am resting still and thanking the Lord for the help we have with Aunt Vicki who goes back to Florida on Saturday. Thank you all for your sweet words of encouragement and advice. It has helped big time to keep my spirits up during this difficult time.
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Monday, February 14, 2011
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Vivi has her class Valentine party scheduled for tomorrow. This ice is supposed to melt tomorrow, so I am hoping that will not call off school. We worked on her valentines (Princess and the Frog) taped to heart ring pops. She wrote her name on all of them! I was so proud. She is giving small boxes of chocolates to her teachers (Mama didn't have it in me to get creative on such short notice), and I am bringing heart cakes/plates/napkins for the party. The teachers told me they are providing heart shaped pizzas for lunch, but then they never sent a note home telling the parents not to bring lunch or to bring Valentines.
Something tells me they are counting on another snow day, but we are prepared either way!
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Monday, February 7, 2011
He even has his offensive stance ready to go!
Sunday, February 6, 2011
Here is the first letter I wrote to him in February 2006.
"We got the call about you on a Wednesday and we had to wait 5 days for you to come. The voice on the other end of the phone said, “We want to know if you would be willing to foster to adopt a 15 month old African American boy.” And boy were we! We began to prepare your room and I shopped and bought you some clothes and pajamas, a toothbrush, some toys. You came to us on Monday afternoon. When I opened the door, you looked so scared in the arms of your CPS caseworker, Anne. She had taken you to the doctor that day and discovered that you were severely malnourished. The doctor labeled your condition “Failure to Thrive”. But they felt it was for social and emotional reasons…there is no way to know the many ways you were neglected in your previous foster home. You were wet all over and frightened when she left an hour later. I cleaned you up and changed you into fresh clothes. Then I gave you a bottle of PediaSure…the drink you will take 3 times a day for the next several months to fatten you up. We rocked and I sang to you as you sucked that bottle down. And I cried. I cried for you and all you had been through and I cried for me that I wasn’t there to protect you for your first 15 months and 28 days of life. And in those few moments though I hadn’t carried you in my body, or nursed you, or loved you in infancy. And though I missed your first birthday and Christmas and Easter….in those moments you became my son."