My Blog Surprise!

You read that right!!

In one week from tomorrow I will be doing

5 Days of Blog Giveaways!!!

I want to commemorate having gained 100 followers (well more than that now! :)

Thank you all so much for choosing to come here to read what I have to say.

The items up for grabs are really, really fun so you will not want to miss this!

Some are for a child some are just for you!

I will post a new giveaway Monday-Friday beginning May 9th, and each day's prize will be given one week for people to leave their comment and be entered in the drawing. You will also have a chance to be entered twice...first by viewing the product's website and leaving a comment with your feedback about the products offered. Then, second by either mentioning the contest and linking it off your blog or FBing about it and then coming back to tell me you did! I hope to generate lots of business for the companies I have hand selected for each day of the Giveaway.

( If that just totally confused you...don't worry, I will repeat the rules during the Giveaway week).

So stay tuned and come back here every day beginning the 9th to check out the wonderful products! And as a heads-up...I have put the products in order leading up to my favs...so the end of the week is going to be some great items, I can promise you that! :)

Yearbook Pics

I have a blue onesie I put Jasmine in.

If any of you have seen The Blind Side, you will understand the joke I made when I told Billy that I was taking baby pictures for Isaac and J's senior Yearbook.Isaac- One Month Old

J- One Month Old

Hee hee. Take that- No Baby Pictures Available!!

Blog Surprise

Next week I will be announcing a BIG blog surprise for my readers!! Woohoo!!

I am so excited.

But FIRST I have to get to 100 followers.

So 3 people need to come out of hiding.

I know you can do it!

Baby Sister Is One Month Old Today!!!

I cannot believe our baby is one month old already.

She is filling out her Newborn sized clothing nicely and I think she will move up in size in a few weeks. We are now putting her in size one diapers so I think she is now over 7 lbs. Her Dr. appt check up is not until May 27th when she is 2 months old. Vivi was 10 lbs. at 2 months old, having weighed 7 lbs. at birth...so we will see how Jasmine does! She eats ALL the time. For awhile she was sleeping 4-6 hour stretches at night which spoiled us because now she wakes up every 2-3 hours...so needless to say we are SO tired.

But she continues to be a wonderful baby...very laid back...very sweet. We are looking forward to her smiling on more of a regular basis hopefully this next month. We are loving this baby! Newborns are typically alot of work and she is really so easy. My only complaint is how long it takes her to a drink 4 oz. bottle (up to an hour at times) but I suspect she may just end up being a more laid back personality like her brother, J!

(P.S. I found this little chalkboard at Michael's for a dollar! In the words of Vivi, "it makes me so happy". I will post Jasmine's monthly photos with it for her whole first year.)

Monday Book Review

Amidst my mad dash to get these Easter posts typed out before they are "so yesterday"...I feel obligated to give you the book review I promised!!

Toddler Adoption, The Weaver's Craft by Mary Hopkins-Best was published way back in 1997...which honestly feels like a lifetime ago. I was in my first year of college to put it in perspective. So I really wish there was a more updated version of this book because the topic is SO needed in our age of adoption. And this is the only book on the subject that I know of. I know what you are thinking, "Well write one, Laurie!" Oh sure...in ALL my spare time! No really, why reinvent the wheel right?

Now that I have said that, I will tell you this book is really great and incredibly thorough. It is a must-read in my opinion for anyone adopting a child over one year of age...including older kids! Chapter 2 realy explores all of the aspects that can make toddler adoption tough...exploring "Is this right for you?" But do NOT let that chapter scare you off because then comes the fun parts! I particuraly like the part about Building a Sense of Entitlement...you know this little rituals that make you your child's parent, and them your child. The author shares the scenario of the "Sisterhood" of mothers amongst total strangers that pregnant women naturally get to join as their waistline expands. Adoptive/waiting moms have to sort of invite themselves in by talking openly about their plans and what little they may know about the child they are waiting for. This gives these moms-to-be the feeling of excitement and anticipation that they too deserve.

Toddler Adoption also explores what sorts of things are helpful for an older child who is entering your family...ways to build attachment and trust...along with ways to facilitate discipline. I have always said that the unique thing about adopting an older child is the need to both bond and discipline from day one. With a newborn you spend the first several months just bonding. This creates a connection to which discipline is not something that a parent should worry about ruining their relationship to their child. But disciplining a child to whom you are both caregiver and stranger to, is a delicate dance in those first days and weeks. There is also a chapter on "Parenting the Grieving Toddler", something I could have used with our very first foster daughter who to this day has been our only child to grieve the abscence of her birthmother.

I highly recommend this book for those fostering and adopting children who are not newborns. You will find something here that applies to your situation and it will be an invaluable tool to look back on to if something comes up that you need more guidance on.

Easter Weekend

My Four Peeps

You will have to excuse the random order of these pics. I am having computer issues making it hard to blog. :(

But anyway...here is my Easter post!

Billy's parents bought he kids a swingset for their Easter gift.

Billy had *so much fun* putting it together. ;)

They love it!

Here we are at our church's Easter egg hunt.

They do it at a neighborhood apartment complex as an outreach.

It was a lot of fun!

The older 3 kids spent Good Friday at my parents house.

Grandma surprised them with adorable individual beach bags from PBKids.

Inside Vivi's was a fairy Barbie and fairy Barbie DVD...plus candy of course!

(You will have to wait until summer to see the bags when we head off to the waterpark)

Grandma and Grandpa had given them waterpark season passes for Christmas, so this was a great gift!

Isaac was given a Razor scooter with his beach bag and candy.

And J had a swimsuit and cute Toy Story flipflops in his beach bag.

Grandma bought baby Jasmine this adorable sleep sheep that has four settings of white noise.

We like the "rain" and "whale sounds" buttons the best!

The cute boxes in the background are from my sister to the kids.

Saturday morning we dyed eggs and then went to our church's egg hunt.

I filled the kids Easter baskets for them to receive Easter morning.

These are my verson of PBKids overpriced Easter baskets.

($10 each at Michael's)

Isaac's Basket

Vivianna's Basket

J's Basket

Jasmine's Basket

Billy's aunts sent the kids Easter cards and a few things that I added to the baskets including this cute bunny in Jasmine's. The bunny's bib says "Baby's 1st Easter".

And here is our girl on her first Easter!

Isaac was also baptized at church on Easter morning...very exciting!

That post will come at a later date.

Baby's First Bath

Baby sister had her first bath!!

Daddy shampooed her hair and stayed within arms length while I took pictures, of course!We didn't have a baby tub yet,(I fixed that problem today).

She was so content in the warm water. Vivi screamed her head off during her first bath!

Such a difference in these two girls' personalities!

Isaac was not convinced that her cord had fallen off.

I am not either actually! She had part of it break off and she clearly has an outie belly button, but I think part of the cord is still in there. So I am still cleaning it out with alcohol, but it was really time for a bath...she was not smelling so good!

Drying off...not so happy!

And The Winner Is....

DEBBIE!!!!

I was so surprised when it generated the #1...because I was expecting something in the middle!

I will pass your address on to the doll company.

Congratulations!

Finding Dolls Who Match Our Children...

If you have known me for any number of years, you know that finding dolls and toys that match my children has been a real passion of mine....and sadly this has not been an easy task! It is so important to me because children identify with their environment, and it is a fact that much of what they see is light skinned. Action figures are white, characters in books are white, greeting cards feature white children, television shows cast white people in the lead rolls. It is a small gesture for us as parents to be intentional about those things we choose to bring into our homes. I have told the story before of how years ago, right before Isaac was to join our family, I went to a popular toy store searching for a black baby doll. I chose the location of this store hoping I would have a variety of dolls to choose from. The entire staff at the store was African Amerian and yet the entire doll aisle was filled with white babies. I asked an employee, "where are the black dolls?" and she looked on each shelf thinking surely there would be one...to no avail. We both shook our heads at the perplexity of this and I left the store without my doll.

This took me to the internet where I came across a wonderful company called The Pattycake doll company. This website features categories of dolls based on ethnicity, special needs, and even dolls for boys! This doll is called Baby Bottoms and he is the one I purchased for Isaac way back when he was a toddler! And this little doll that is now for Jasmine, I purchased from The Pattycake Doll Co. years ago as well. (they no longer sell this exact one) It was made to be safe for infants.

So when it was time to buy Vivi some dolls, you know where I went!

Vivi has this caramel skinned beauty that she got for her first Christmas.And for her first birthday, this little soft bodied cutie who comes complete with a hospital bracelet!

Vivi also owns this set of wooden paper dolls and outfits, which we love!

I LOVE The Pattycake Doll Company and that is why I am SO thrilled to announce that in honor of Jasmine's birth, they are offering a DOLL BLOG GIVEAWAY to my readers!!!

www.PattycakeDoll.com has just been awarded two HowtoLearn.com top 101 sites awards, one as Top 101 Educational sites and another a month later as Top 101 Special needs sites. I also want to point out that this company's products can be purchased at www.SleepySoft.com (dolls), www.MyAdoptedChild.com (announcements and invitations), and www.Booksanddolls.com.

To be entered in the DOLL GIVEAWAY (giveaway doll to be chosen by the company), you must go to their site and check out the wonderful selection (over 175 dolls) that they offer! Then come back here and leave a comment with your honest feedback about the website and which doll(s) you would personally purchase for a child in your life. I will be using Random.org to generate a random drawing of commenters and announce the winner here on Friday! You do not have to have a blog account to enter and you do not need to leave your email address, but DO come back here to see if you won and contact me via laurieandvivi@yahoo.com within 48 hours or I will choose another winner.

Pattycake dolls are the perfect gift for your own child's birthday or adoption day. They also make a wonderful gift for a friend or family's child. And don't forget they also sell dolls for children with special needs, dolls for infants and toddlers, potty dolls, AND boy dolls! I think every single child should own a doll from the Pattycake doll company.

We will continue to be customers for years to come!

So Sad

Well...the visit did not happen.

The kids were picked up from school, Billy came home at noon from work, and I had a funny feeling. So I had Billy call the agency before we left for the two and a half hour drive. Our caseworker told him she was getting a vibe from the birth mother that maybe things weren't going to happen, which were confirmed an hour later. I won't go into the "why" because that is her business, but it was an excuse that although it looked believable, didn't sit right with me. Our agency handled it so well and were very kind to me as I cried and cried over this disappointment and loss. You see, open adoption is something we desire for our kids if the circumstances can be so. Vivianna entered the world with 3 crying parents in the room and a maternal grandmother. She was given her first and middle name. She had been much anticipated. She was handed to me...her Mama was the very first person to ever hold her. She left the hospital to camera flashes and more tears, loaded into our car...precious cargo. So being that our second daughter's first mother chose not to see her after giving birth, and being that the generic name of "Baby Girl" was what was put on her birth certificate...I was really, really looking forward to this meeting for Jasmine and for us. It seems like she came into this world and spent 3 days with no identity and no parents. She left the hospital dressed in a paper thin infant gown in the care of agency workers. I grieved her loss in such a personal way in the days following her coming home to us. I know in my mind that it was not at all her birthmother rejecting her, it was her way of protecting herself and staying steadfast in the decision she felt was best. But, one day when Jasmine is old enough to know this part, and other more personal parts of her story, I am afraid it will feel like rejection. And I want to shield my children from that even though I know I can't.

This call today saying we would not be seeing her, felt like rejection. And I am having a really hard time with it.

In the hour while we waited for the cancellation call, Billy and I ate lunch together and discussed the complexity of open adoption. The concept that open adoption is best for all parties involved, is one that we have bought into and really believe in. But our eyes have been opened by our relationship to Vivi's birth mother, that it is not all sunshine and roses. And even though we of course believe it is a case by case decision of what is best, we have begun to think that it is a real possibility that it is not always best for many birth mothers.

Put yourself in their shoes, here they have an agency saying "this is best" and eager adoptive parents ready to meet her and bring her into the fold with cheers and smiles for the wonderful gift they have been given...and yet who suffers silently with her choice and loss all along? The birth mothers do. They may feel like a terrible person if they say they don't want contact, so to avoid feeling even worse about themselves, they reluctantly agree to contact. We may be giddy that our baby got her first tooth, or rolled over, or took her first steps. But to her first mother, this is just a reminder of all she has missed out on...and all she will miss out on. The intense anxiety of meeting these glowing parents who seem to have had all of life work out in their favor, and because of their good fortune or white privilege, or whatever...are in a better place to be the parents of the baby you birthed, must be unparalleled to anything else. So my prayers go to Jasmine's birthmother...for the circumstances that brought her to the place she found herself in on March 27th....for the circumstances that kept her away today. She doesn't owe us anything. And we don't owe her anything but kindness and respect for choosing us. I pray for her to have peace about her decision and joy in her life. Immeasurable joy.

Billy and I attended an event Saturday night hosted by Tapestry, our adoption ministry. The topic was how to talk to your child about their adoption. One thing Michael Monroe said was to be careful about making up any details in an attempt to shield our children from the pain of the truth. He used the example of parents saying "well your birthmother chose adoption because she loved you so much," because the message that could be perceived is "do we give up people we love?" I have also thought before about the excuse of "she was poor and single" because then what happens when our child comes across a single parent of low economic means who did choose to parent. The best advice was to say "I don't know" if you don't, and then be there with your child in their grief. Do not shy away from answering their questions or put it off til another day. Push through the hard stuff with them and be the soft place for them to fall. The other half of the event had a panel of adult Adoptees. One that struck me the most and has to do with this post, is a woman who said she had contacted the woman she believes to be her birthmother, but had been waiting a year already for a response. You could hear the pain in her voice. My heart was so so sad for her and I just do not want that for my children. That is why I push so hard to maintain contact with the boys' relatives and I push so hard to have contact with Vivi's birthmother, often times unreciprocated. And that is why I grieve so hard today for Jasmine. But as Michael and Amy taught me on Saturday, and many times before...I can't make this right for my kids. I can't shield them from their loss or pain. I can't replace what was taken from them. And it has nothing to do with how great of a Mom I am, or how close they are and will be with me. Their birthfamily grief will have nothing to do with me. But I CAN hurt for them and with them. And today, I do.

Here is the link to the talk I have referred to: LINK

Tired today...

Ok...I am leveling with you. I am way too tired to do my book review today. I want to lay on the couch, feed my baby her bottle, and watch The Talk. And I am not going to pick up the playroom and I might have a piece of dark chocolate. Take that, book review! I was going to review the book Toddler Adoption...and still will because it is GOOD. But it will have to wait until next week because tomorrow we are going to meet Jasmine's birthfamily!!! I did up Easter baskets for her toddler birth sister and newborn cousin (one day younger than Jasmine!) and I put together a photo album of Jasmine's first weeks home for her birthmother. I am also giving her a preemie outfit, diaper, and hat from Jasmine's first week so she will have that as a keepsake.

The baby will be wearing this outfit when we go! Yes, that is a letter "J" on the headband bow.

I LOVE it so much. :)

Join the party!

I have 89 "followers" on my blog now! Wow...Jasmine must be one popular girl!

So...who wants to be my 90th? :)

Snack Solution

Because I often find myself busy during the day for an hour or more at a time feeding, diapering, and comforting this sweet baby...

I have had to get creative about meeting the needs of the other 3.

One of the most challenging has been when they are hungry and thirsty and I just can't get up and fix them something. So in comes the snack cart!I went to our local health food store, Sprouts and purchased some snacks like lemon wafers, Pirate Booty (a puffed rice snack), dried fruit, and Newman's Own grahams and fig newtons. Then I bagged 3 portions of each snack and filled this little metal shopping cart I have had for years, and put it on a low shelf in the pantry. This way, when the kids are "starving...Mom!!" particuraly in the afternoon- I can send them in to choose a snack. Our house rule is that kids have to ask for food and drink, so it is not like it is a free-for-all at snacktime, ruining their appetites for mealtime. But this way I am out of the process and able to continue caring for Jasmine (the slowest bottle drinker in the universe), while the kids are happy to have so much freedom and selection in the kitchen!

To eliminate them from always choosing the not-so-healthy options that will show up in the shopping cart, I will not refill it until everything has been eaten. And for anyone that may be tsk tsking at all that processed food...there is a lovely fruit basket that is restocked every week, along with the fridge items of light string cheese, grapes, and Horizon organic yogurt tubes. I also plan to purchase those 100 calorie snack packs of Wholly Guacamole.On the days that I am not tangled up with the baby and can get in the kitchen, the kids enjoy fruit salads, cheese chunks and pretzels, tortilla chips with salsa, Nutella on whole wheat toast, peanut butter and bread rolled up, hard boiled eggs, and baby carrots with hummus. Isaac comes home from school and is a one track mind...EAT. He will eat his way through the kitchen like the Very Hungry Caterpillar does...and always eats his entire dinner and drinks a large glass of milk! We have a hard time keeping this kid full. Of course with all that snacking comes thirsty little critters. Constantly pouring drinks is not my idea of a fun afternoon, and we don't allow anyone to wander around the house with food or drink...inevitably leaving cups half full to spill or get lost. So, I filled their summer water bottles with water and a few clementine slices and put them on the door of the fridge. This way they can go in, always have a cold drink to sip- put them back and get on the with their play.

This will make my afternoons SO much more peaceful around here.

How Are We REALLY Doing?

The big question is "how are you really doing with four kids?" I have had people say to me that it appears on my blog like I am the Mom that has it all together. Oh goodness...no, no, no....I can assure you...NO! I am emotional. I can be very unmotivated. I am very, very impatient. I am hot tempered. I come from a long line of tightly wound women...so sometimes it can be hard just to make it through a day. I struggle to rest and relax. I don't take "time for myself"...what is that anyway? It is not that I don't want to or that I want to be the family martyr...it is that I don't know how anymore! I have had a journey of personal acceptance that has at times taken me to dark places, but I am blessed to say that the GRACE of my Lord always meets me there. Everyone who knows me, knows I live life as an open book, and rarely shy away from speaking my opinion, often times to a fault. But my friends are fiercely loyal to me and have given me a strong sense of sisterhood...acceptance despite my faults, unconditional love...family. They, along with my wonderful husband, have healed many wounds I carried for years. I would not be where I am today without them.

Sooo...in saying that...I will now answer the question of how we are doing! Honestly...we have great days (today is one of them!) and we have really tough days. The tough days usually involve the baby being very high need and therefor not giving me good times to get anything done including eating (I ate half a can of fruit cocktail for dinner last night). On those days I struggle with guilt that I am not in every moment with my other 3, (for instance Isaac has his first school field trip tomorrow that I will not be a chaperone to, for obvious reasons. He is not happy about that.) I am short with the kids and need for them to behave and be self reliant. "I am only one person!" I have cried out. On the tough days I disdain the dog hair tufts that float across the tile floor, I feel depressed at the dishes piling up in the kitchen, and the laundry....oh for the love of all things holy...the laundry. Thankfully on these days I have a wonderful husband who listens to me vent. I have kids who say spontaneously, "I love you Mom, You're the best, and You make me so happy!" and of course there is always this sweet face to greet me... Having four kids does not feel a whole lot different then having three. There is one more Easter basket to fill....one more person to buckle into the car...and of course one more bath to be had! But I think by the time you get to four, you kind of have the routine of your day and the rythym of your other kids down.

So all that is left is one more face to kiss, ten more nails to trim...

And a lifetime of LOVE.

That makes all the bad days melt into one GOOD memory.