Transracial Adoption Part 3

First read Part One and Part Two, if you have not already.

Billy had an article published in last month's edition of Adoptive Families Magazine about a church we visited for awhile that was racially diverse. Awhile back he posted the story on his blog, and had an angry reader comment. When the magazine came out, he received an angry email. Both of these comments were from white women who felt it was inappropriate to put so much focus on Isaac being African American. They used terms like "he is not a black child, he is a child of God" and other phrases that supported the all too familiar "color blind" sentiments that gained popularity in the 1980's. They even went as far as to say that in society he will not be viewed as African American because he is being raised by white parents. What? I can assure you, when he is 30 years old and at a social event, he will be viewed as African American. During a job interview, he will be viewed as African American. He may not have some of the stereotypical behavior traits that so many feel define his particular ethnicity, but I have been around many African American adults who would also fall into that category and they were not raised in a Caucasian family. Often times they are professionals, teachers, pastors, business men and women.

The problem that arises when we try to say we don't "see" his color of skin, is that in doing so we are denying him his racial existence in the world. As though his race carries no weight in who he is. That is just plain ignorant. My race plays a part in who I am, my gender does too as well as my socio-economic status and religion. These are ALL a part of who I am, I would not deny my own race, nor should I deny my children's. I think what these commenters are meaning to say is that his race should not be a factor in how he is viewed and treated in the world. Sure, of course not. We agree that people of all nationalities have basic human rights and dignities and should not be judged by their appearance or class in society. But the facts remain that we are. And might I add that most people would agree that terms like "black" and "white" are not offensive universally. OF course these terms do not represent actual skin color, but they are the social norms in referring to our ethnicities. I choose to use Caucasian and African American because I don't care for the laziness of the slang, not because I think the slang terms are repressive.

Billy and I listened to a speaker talk about Transracial Adoption and she is an African American social worker at an adoption agency. She said that the research that has been done has shown that most African American and Biracial children who are raised by Caucasian adoptive parents fair as well if not better than their peer groups when it comes to self esteem. Yes, they may struggle connecting with their racial peer group as they enter their teens, but this can be greatly reduced if they have parents who were in touch with these issues from an early age. Parents who talked openly about race as things arise, and were committed to being a more culturally aware family on a whole. The above book was highly recommended by her (we are hoping to get a copy soon, so I am not openly supporting it until I read it). The author's adoptive parents did not speak openly about race to him. They essentially raised him like they would any child and according to him this had a negative impact on his sense of self.

This is why Billy and I do what we do. We have nothing to prove to the world when it comes to our family dynamic, nor do we have anything to prove to our children's particular racial groups. However, we do owe it to them to make sure they grow up knowing what is out there, how others live, and what opportunities are available for them. I would love for them to be so comfortable with their own adoptions that they choose to adopt someday. This is, and will continue to be, our commitment to our children, and just a part of the legacy we hope to leave behind.