God Blessed The Broken Road

In just 5 days, this little guy will be legally free for adoption in the State of Texas.

Yesterday his caseworker brought us his file which is a stack of hundreds of papers...everything ever written or documented about him and all members of his birthfamily. I stayed up past midnight reading it and only got half way. Some of it reads as a narrative...On this date this allegedly happened, this person said this, this cousin or uncle was here or there. It is like J is not a person, but a player in a grand play where he is the one who gets the short end of the stick. Reading about the events that transpired that led he and the three brothers that came before him to in some way or another be raised by other people, was disheartening even though I knew alot of it already because it was also in Isaac's file. The most difficult thing to read is all the times CPS came to the home in J's little life, but each time chose not to remove him. The allegations of neglect and abuse when he was 8 months old, 15 months old, 2 years old....and how it was determined everytime that he was at "significant risk" in the home...but apparently not enough to be removed.

Reading this, I thought about our own timeline. Where were we when my son was 8 months old and I didn't even know he existed? What would have happened had CPS gained custody of him at birth? And it all leads me back to the same conclusion that he may have been placed with a foster family and not us had he been given a different caseworker than the one he had. That if J had come home any earlier than July 28, 2010....Jasmine would not be ours because we likely would have stopped with 3 kids, due to the expense of private adoption. What would have happened if at any point on this journey of life, I had gotten pregnant and given birth. I know for a fact if that had happened, some of the 4 children who are my very heartbeat would not be mine.

It leads me back to the conclusion that my body's brokenness was ALL a part of God's grander plan for every single member of my family. My empty womb opened up a place in my heart and home for the very children God had chosen. That this baby boy had to live in that broken home for 2 years and 6 months to be given the opportunity to be with us forever.

The Rascal Flatts song, Broken Road comes to mind as I contemplate these things...for myself and for my youngest son.


Every long lost dream led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart they were like Northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

I think about the years I spent just passing through
I'd like to have the time I lost and give it back to you
But you just smile and take my hand
You've been there you understand
It's all part of a grander plan that is coming true...

This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you



To my precious children, those who have been adopted by us and those who will be very, very soon.

God blessed my broken road
That led me straight to you.