Update on K

I cannot WAIT for basketball season to start.

K has the most amazing coach. At the parent meeting the other night he told us what his passions are in order of:

 1. His Faith    2. His Family    3. Basketball

He said that he is excited about this year as he wants to pour into the boys what it means to be a man since society is feeding them all the wrong messages. K really loves this team and is diligent to go to every open gym offered after school, any weight training offered, and even told me he wants to go to Fellowship of Christian Athletes meetings on Fridays at 7:30 am led by the basketball coaches for all athletes at the school. 

This was music to my ears!

We think he is one of the coaches favorite players because he is often selected with 5 others to start in practice. Yesterday a guest speaker pointed out to the whole team that he observed K telling another player to go back and do his lunges correctly as he was slacking off thinking none of the coaches could see. 

I am going to be so proud sitting in those stands and knowing my son is on that court in black and gold.

In other K news, he is doing excellent with his grades. 

He has all A's and B's in his classes, but had been failing a couple quizzes in Geometry. So after a slightly heated "discussion" we had about his need to go to tutoring, days later he chose on his own will to go after school the night before a test. 

He in turn made a 91 on that Geometry test. 

I was sooo proud of him for choosing to be responsible.

Also, his CASA worker and CPS supervisor have been diligently working towards an adoption date of November. This is months before the state mandated 6 month waiting period for finalization, however CPS has requested we be given clearance to go to court on National Adoption Day!!! We are praying hard that it comes true. It would be such a blessing to me to have my final adoption take place on such a joyous day for so many.

And finally, his attitude and lack of respect have made such a turn around. We know that we are still always one fight away from another blow up, but Billy and I have changed some of our tactics with him i.e. don't needlessly anger the bear.

He is responding to my positive feedback, he is choosing to walk away from situtations instead of escalating them and we are really feeling like our overall relationship is so much better. He can still be quite draining as he requires ALOT of my time and attention, but I also know this is all a good sign of bonding. 

We are in a good place right now and look favorably upon what God has for every member of our family moving forward.

One last thing I want to share. K said the other night that he always wished his cousin, Jayden was his real brother.  

I told him "well he is now, your dream came true," and he said 

"yeah it did."

Sometimes I Just Don't Have It In Me

I posted about this on FB the other day with great response from my sweet friends, who said things like: "wow, seriously...wow." and "Cannot even express how angry this makes me." and "I'm speechless....jaw to the floor...and what did you say to her?!?!"

What they are commenting on is a conversation...although I use that term loosely, because it felt more like an interrogation...from a fellow mom at my boy's cub scouts meeting. 

This is how that "conversation" went:

"Did ya'll try to have your own, or you just couldn't?"
"You are such good people for taking these kids in."
"Are you done? Well, someone better tell their Mama's that!"
"She is so beautiful, I could have never given her up."
"Does he feel at home?"
"Were they from overseas?"
and my personal favorite:
"Do you get any help with them cause the government gives all kinds of money to parents on drugs."

My friends of course wanted to know just what did I say to this ridiculousness?!

Well, not a whole lot. It all took place while the meeting was going as she leaned forward to ask me these things in rapid fire. I kept facing forward and awkwardly trying to dodge her off at the pass because K was sitting right next to me. I fixed her wording on some things and generally gave her very little information. I am used to having heard almost all of this, just not all at once from the same person so the whole thing felt very, very uncomfortable. And her words stung for days, like a sunburn that is taking time to heal. 

Not because I give her words any kind of weight in my life, but because they are representative of how many, many people have misconceptions about adoption. 

And words are powerful whether we like it or not.

So as a public service to my friends and family who want to know how I feel about this, please go read these two blogposts from the blogger: Rage Against The Minivan.

The first one is:

What I want you to know: nosey questions about mixed-race families get annoying

My favorite line from that article: "I often get the feeling that the incredible number of comments I get about my children are in some way people trying to validate my choice to adopt" and this: "I realize that when I chose (yes, it was a CHOICE!) to adopt transracially, I opened my life to more stares and more questions that those with children of their same skin color. And I LOVE adoption. I’m PROUD of my kids. I CELEBRATE our differences and the way our family was put together. I want to you to be interested in adoption. I want to have positive conversations that educate and promote about adoption. And this is why I will continue to answer your questions politely and in a way that honors & protects my kids. This is why I won’t smack yah, and I won’t roll my eyes. But I want you to know that sometimes these conversations hurt my feelings. And I want you to know that sometimes your questions can make you sound like an idiot." 

And the second  blog post I would love for you to read is:

Parents, please educate your kids about adoption so mine don’t have to.

My favorite line in this one is: "Sometimes kids have different skin colors from their parents. It could be because they are adopted, or because their parents are different races, or because they have a step mom or step dad.  It’s no big deal.  They are still real families.  There is nothing wrong or weird about families with different skin colors. (Insert examples from your own life here. Or have a come-to-Jesus meeting about diversifying your friendship circle)."

I share these posts because they say exactly how I feel and I know that some of you feel the same way too. Sometimes I just don't have it in me to be the spokesperson for all things adoption. Just like I imagine my sweet friend gets tired of being the spokesperson for children with special needs when she takes her daughter out in a wheelchair.

It gets old, people.

Sometimes I just want to be viewed as a normal mom yelling at her kids at Walmart with all the other moms, without a crowd of gawking bystanders forming who want to know why the heck a white woman is chastising a bunch of black kids for climbing on the produce baskets or ramming the back of her heels with a shopping cart. "Cause they are mine, people!!!" I want to shout.

Sometimes I want to sit with all the other families at a cub scout meeting and not be accosted with all of the reasons why we are so different.

We don't feel different. Until these moments.

These are my own children.

Yes he feels at home, cause he IS home.

No, they were not adopted from "oversees" just because their skin color is different from mine.

People do not "give away" babies, beautiful or not...

they make an adoption plan and it is the most sacrificial kind of love. 

Yes, I was done having kids about 2 kids ago...but God had other plans, and I am there Mama, furthermore it is none of your business how big we choose to make our family.

Now let us all carry on.

Thank you.

All Things Jasmine

I decided last Saturday to bead Jasmine's whole head. It was a lot of fun and the outcome was adorable.

She got a lot of attention for this hairstyle, which in turn must have given her a sassy-I know I am hot stuff- attitude because she was up to no good ALL week ;)

The look was so cute on her, that I had to make a trip out to our hair store to stock up on her entire fall collection. We are now set for Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas beading!

Good thing I already had a great container on hand to hold all of these bad boys. I do not remember where I got this, but I need another one as you can see all the space is maxed out! 

 Her preschool teacher said none of the kids even touched her hair, so that was great to hear!

In other Jasmine news, she played the role of team mascot this weekend as I made a "cheer sister" t-shirt for her and dressed her out in pink and black for the game. The girls LOVED her.

Even the most enthusiastic fans have to take a break sometime:

Oh this baby is just too much.

I cannot believe she will turn 18 months old this week.

I Had To Share This Piece of Delightfulness

Pumpkin Pics Through The Years

In just a couple of weeks it will be pumpkin patch season all over again!! I am excited to have SEVEN of us amongst the pumpkins this year. For nostalgia sake, I went through our past 5 years of patches and thought I would share:

2007

2008

2009

2010

2011

I love seeing how our family has changed over the years.

It becomes increasingly more difficult to get everyone to smile and look at the camera at the same time.

The first weekend in October we will head off to the pumpkin patch again!

Highschool Homecoming

 This week was our highschool homecoming 

(which we WON by the way...woohoo!)

Vivianna's cheerleading team was on a float in the parade.

 

She is so CUTE I can't stand it...missing tooth and all.

 This baby girl walked almost the entire parade. I was SO proud.

 Her brothers ran up to her in the street and gave her Skittles. 

Love those boys...

 Then it was off to the pep rally!

Speaking of cheerleading, check out Viv's team photo...SO SO cute.

Anyway...I digress. So the girls got to run through the big tunnel on the field. Our community is small and close knit, so the highschool invites the whole town to celebrate homecoming.

A little while later the highschool boys' basketball team went through, which of course included MY boy....

 There he is in the red shorts!

I am just so proud to be these kids Mom I can't hardly stand it.

FALL is such a fun time of year for our family. The weather finally begins to cool off a little so we can get outside more. I have already purchased everyone's Halloween costume except Jayden. And I decorated the house...

Halloween decor pics will come in October.

We have lots to be thankful for this year, that's for sure.

Vivianna's Cheer Clinic Performance

 

Vivi's cheerleading team had a clinic with the highschool cheerleaders last weekend. 

They had a lot of fun and it ended with a performance for the parents.

Boy Scouts

Isaac is officially a Cub Scout.

We bought the uniform which set us back a pretty penny and he began his fundraiser.

Here he is making his first popcorn sale to our pastor and family! 

Hey you gotta start off where you know its a sure thing. :)

So off he goes selling away! 
I will keep ya'll updated on how he is doing.

First Day of Toddler Preschool

Jasmine started preschool today!! She will go every Wed. for 5 hours. I wanted to get a cute first day of school photo of her as we headed out the door...but it didn't turn out so good. First, she smudged my chalkboard.

Then she wouldn't stand still so I had to sit her on her napmat.

She couldn't smile through those pacifiers, so I had to take them away which sent her on a hunt for them:

But I finally got a decent shot...

Before she totally freaked out...

Which is about how she looked when I plopped her into her classroom with a quick goodbye.

Oh, Jasmine....

This is quite different from her sister who wore the same dress when she went off to Toddler Preschool and posed like a champ...what a cutie!

Vivianna's first day of preschool went off without a hitch:

Not that I am comparing siblings or anything...

I would never do that.

Update

I don't have much of an update to share as far as our adoption of K is going.

I got an email from his caseworker saying she has not done anything towards it. That frustrated me for several days and I sent her a very blunt email detailing exactly why this was an issue.

I have not heard back.

I guess I will be contacting her supervisor next week.

School started for everyone and K is as diligent as I expected he would be in doing his homework for hours and making sure to get up and dressed and out of the door on time. Basketball try outs began and he is happy that he chose to forgo football, because this has given him a chance to get to know the Bball coach and to possibly be selected for one of the coveted spots on the team. 

I fiercely love and adore this boy, but I will be honest to say this has not been an easy two months as we have all adjusted. I have chosen not to air his dirty laundry here or on FB as to why it has been difficult because I want to respect his privacy. I will say though that his struggle with female authority, huge ego, and need for control has caused us daily angst. 

Adopting a teenager is not for the weary.

I have had to go up against people's opinions about how we should parent him, I have been criticized for taking things too seriously with him and on the other hand have been coached to be even tougher. 

Thankfully, I have always parented with my intuition and instincts along with the complete participation and support of a very involved husband and father...so I know we will get through this. 

I also believe it will be years, not months of intense work with him and most days I do not feel like I have the strength to go at it all over again. 

Fighting with your child because you are fighting for them is hands down the toughest part of parenting.

 I am thankful for my support system and strong church family who walk me through the tough times. I am mostly thankful for a God who is with me in the fire and in the flood as we sang at church on Sunday. When I think I am failing and too weak to go on, that is when He is able to use me the most to do mighty things. 

As I work on building a strong relationship with my new son with all the odds stacked against us, I know I can only accomplish this through the One who sent His Son to die on a cross.

Please friends, would you pray for our family as we struggle to live and love and raise up Godly men and women? Please pray that my own sin and failures will not hinder my children's home discipleship. Please pray that when I take upon myself the heavy burden of their sins that I would be willing to cast my sorrows upon those God has put in my life as help: my friends and church family...instead of trying to fix it in my own strength. 

And would you do one more thing for me?

Please leave a comment about how I can pray for you and your family...or just your name. As we come together to lift up our cares to God, there will be strength in our common bond.