This and That

I am having a bad case of blogger's block these days.

And with everything going on this month with my health I just have not been in the mood to take pictures. This is about the only picture I have taken in the past couple of weeks. Both K and Jayden will be basketball players in December! I had to get a photo of their shoes cause the size difference is too adorable. Jayden begins practices in a week or so and K is full swing into his season. He is a starter and the point guard for his team. It is a lot of fun to watch his games. Last night, the game was tied the whole time with my son scoring most of the points.
 Well... in the last 11 seconds of the game, K fouled the other team player and he got free throws which won the opposing team the game by ONE point. 

I could have cried I was so sad for him. He bounced back though.

The other changes happening around here are that I will begin to teach preschool two days a week beginning Tuesday at our church. They needed a teacher for the 4's class. This will take me WAY out of my comfort zone, but I know God will give me the resources I need to succeed ( I hope!)

Also, I am a week out from my surgery now. My healing is almost complete with just some residual pains here and there. I have no energy though and am hoping to get on some supplements this weekend to help boost that. I also need to start walking again to increase my stamina. 

I have had several moments in the past week where the thought of my fallopian tubes being non-working has struck me as strange and sad. I choose not to dwell when those feelings raise up, but I haven't been in a very social mood...with phone calls or visiting friends. And with several pregnancy announcements popping up at church, it has all hit me harder than I wanted it to. Today I overheard a mom at Jasmine's school tell the story of how their preschooler prayed for her to get pregnant again after trying for a long time. She said they did not want to do IVF but felt they might "have to." She praised God that He answered her son's prayer the following month by having a positive pregnancy test. She finished up by saying she tells everyone this story.

The whole conversation struck me all wrong. 
Not that I would ever ever begrudge someone a child by birth.
But what makes us think that we are owed one child, or two, or three? Who said? Noone has to do IVF, unless of course you have frozen embryos to recover.

Anyway...I know I sound bitter a lot of the time when it comes to this. But I told Billy I just thought the surgery would bring me a sense of emotional relief that now it is over. But it hasn't. It has brought with it a feeling of regret, even though I know the circumstance could not have been changed...and residual feelings of loss. Lots of loss.

I told him that I just don't want to be marked by this for the rest of my life. I don't want to be the bitter 80 year old in the assisted living center who cries at night cause she never gave birth. 

How does one sufficiently grieve something they never had? 

I will tell you what helps.
Watching my babies grow up and do and achieve things.
Fixing Jasmine's hair and knowing it is a privilege I would not have otherwise.
Chuckling to myself at the awkwardness that ensues at the highschool when I introduce myself to someone as K's mom.

Hearing that Jayden no longer needs to be in special education.

Knowing that without me, without God intervening in the lives of each one of my kids...their future would have been significantly altered.

Knowing that without them, so would mine.

When my feelings of self pity rise up and my feelings of entitlement over what I didn't get that others did, threaten to choke me...I think of them.

"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things." ~ Philippians 4:8

The Stockings Were Hung

I love stockings.

LOVE them.

6 years ago, we bought our very first child's stocking from pottery barn kids. 

And I have been thrilled that with every new addition to our family, we have been able to add a coordinating stocking with their name on it. This year they shorted me a little bit because K's stocking is significantly smaller in size, for the same price.

 Very annoying.

If you have always wanted matching stockings for your family with their names on them, this is a great week to get on that. Pottery Barn Kids has their's marked 20% off for a limited time, AND free shipping.

That frees you up with extra money for personalization.

Or you could always check out the regular Pottery Barn's website for their stocking deals, they are currently offering free shipping and free monogramming.

 Now that's a deal:

Or maybe red is not your thing....well Restoration Hardware currently has their faux fur stockings on sale:

And if you are not into the big name companies and instead want to support a small business and have some options in fabric choices then check out www.Etsy.com. 

Type in "stockings" in the search bar and you will find some really fun options like these:

 And for the family dog in your life:

So adorable!

Now if you are wondering what to fill these stockings with, here is a list of some of the things my kids will find on Christmas morning:

Boys: 

Slinky's

Nerf darts

Body wash and sponge

Christmas Candy

Spin toothbrush

Light sabers

Gum

$5 DVD's

Cards

Whoopie cushion

Pens 

Girls:

Sippy Cup

Underwear

Toothbrushes

Jewelry

Ponies

Body Wash

Chap stick

Hair accessories

Stickers

Lollipops

Chocolate

Play food

Puzzles

 HAVE FUN STUFFING!!!

It's Beginning To Look Alot Like Christmas

All of our decor has been going up this weekend. I LOVE, LOVE this time of year. Too bad I have been too dizzy and nauseous today to really enjoy it. But that is okay, I have a whole month!

All my kids got Angry Bird jammies on black friday.

We had to bust them open to decorate.

It's The Most Wonderful Season Of All

 Last night, after putting the little babes to bed and while waiting for stores to open for late night shopping...K and I put up his bedroom tree. This is a beloved tradition with all of my children. Their personal trees reflect all of the ornaments given to them over the years. Because my teenager doesn't have all that, I thought it fitting to do him up a themed tree to match his bedroom.

 He took so much care to fluff that little tree, and we placed all the ornaments just so.

 

He has kept it burning bright ever since turning it on for the first time.

It is really a beauty in Dallas Cowboys' blue and silver. This weekend we will put up all the other decor and I will post pics of the other kids' bedroom trees soon. We also may get out to visit Santa's workshop if my stitches aren't hurting me too bad.

This Christmas, my boy will be HOME for the first time. And he will turn sixteen the day after. AND we hope to adopt him days after that. He keeps saying, "this is going to be the best Christmas ever!" 

I couldn't agree more.

Happy Thanksgiving Y'all

We enjoyed a nice relaxing day at home with no agenda. 

That rarely happens around here.

Billy made the pumpkin pie and prepared the turkey and I was thrilled to have the strength to fix everything else for our meal. It all turned out delicious!

Now onto black friday shopping to score some deals for my kiddos.

I can't do all that I have done in the past because my surgery incisions bother me all the time, even on pain meds. But I will manage to do some. Nothing is going to slow down my traditions.

Surgery Tomorrow

**Update: I stayed in recovery all day yesterday and was discharged at 5:30pm. While I was asleep my blood pressure was registering at 200 so I think they wanted to keep me since I was also so out of it. My pain is being managed every 3 hours. Today I can feel the incisions and my fallopian tubes are very crampy. I am also having difficulty emptying my bladder. But other than that, things are good and I am gaining my strength back. Tonight I  may attempt to make pumpkin pie and cranberry sauce for tomorrow, although I doubt anyone will really let me do much! Right now the kids are with their Nana at Wreck It Ralph and Jasmine is having a fun afternoon with our pastor and his family. 

I have felt your prayers and I appreciate them very much.
I was emotional yesterday morning before leaving for the hospital, but have been good ever since. The pain distracts me from feeling too sorry for myself which is really a blessing. I know that this was a milestone in my life, becoming officially barren, but I also rest in the peace that it is all a part of God's plan for me. I have a hope and a future that doesn't have time to be bothered with menstrual problems.

Thankyou friends for following along on yet another journey in my life.



 

Tomorrow I will go under the knife to have a tubal ligation. Today was my pre-op appointment and they had me do a pregnancy test....AGAIN. When I handed the pee cup over to the nurse I said, "This will be the final negative pregnancy test I have to take in my lifetime!" All the nurses laughed when I said it was the end of an era and I should take a picture. It was nice to be able to laugh about it.

I joked with my family about what if I got the call this afternoon that said the test was positive! What a shock that would be.

 K said,

 "Yeah you would tell them that came about 5 kids too late." 

Such a funny boy. 

My mother in law is here to help with the kids.

I feel blessed to be surrounded with such love. 

I am nervous about my recovery, but I am not nervous about the finality of the procedure. Though having to sign all the waivers today that assured them that I understand this will make me sterile and not allow me to ever be pregnant was a bit surreal.

 I mean what barren woman wants to sign off on her fertility?

My sweet friend Maile (T's mom) is taking me to the hospital and staying with me during the surgery. We were joking the other day that to pass the time she would tell me all about the story of birthing her son.

The irony.

We laughed really hard at that.

It is so refreshing to have a friend who gets it even when she has not been down the same road.

The worst part of this all is the cost. Even with insurance it is ridiculous. And at this time of year...not good. 

But we know that the same God that has provided all these years for all of our needs will also provide in this way. 

He will meet me in my sadness.

He will meet me in my worry.

He will meet me in my anxiousness.

He will be there as He has always been.

That is how I will get through tomorrow.

Getting Ready...

This is the weekend that I get everything ready for Thanksgiving.

Every year since Vivi was two, I have prepared the whole meal for our family. This holiday is always a special one for us to spend the day together building memories. This year we will have Billy's parents join us for the first time!

 Above is a collage of our favorite holiday activities including:

~Watching the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade

~Playing board games

~Backyard football and the Cowboys on TV

~Enjoying the sweet potato casserole recipe that I have perfected and only serve one day a year.

~And of course browsing through the black friday ads in preparation for my midnight shopping blitz. 

We are quite traditional like that.

I would love to hear your Thanksgiving traditions!!

Leave a comment below, and have a blessed holiday.

 

 

Proud Mommy Day

Today was full of proud mommy moments.

First, Vivianna raced in her school's Turkey Trot and she beat out the all the kindergarten girls to win second place!

Then, K had his first JV game and they WON!

 But the most fun part was that my son, number 11 scored 18 points in the game. He is a point guard and one of the coach's 5 starters.

He  was the most fouled on player of the game, which just goes to show how aggressive he is with the ball. I was so so proud.

 

School Thanksgiving Feasts

Today is the day that I attempt to go to three Thanksgiving feasts at school and have an ARD meeting for Jayden's Speech in between two feasts. 

In reality, I will probably only make it to 2 of the 3 lunches.

And I am too nauseous today to stomach the idea of cafeteria turkey and mashed potatoes....

so Jasmine will eat my meal.

If I am able to fit any picture taking in, I will post them here later. :)

Surgery On The Horizon

By the end of this month, I will have had surgery on my reproductive system.

Even though it is day surgery, it will be the biggest surgery of my life because it will include a Tubal Ligation.

This is all in an attempt to stop my period,
 to stop the forming of polyps on my uterus,
 to stop the madness that has been my reproductive health
 for the past 10 years.

I feel so many mixed emotions about this. 

I am relieved to walk away from fertility with such finality. 

To close that door in a permanent way.

To not have to ever pee on a stick again and get a negative.

To not have to wonder if I am ovulating.

To not have to worry about the effects 
a biological child would have on our family.

To not have to contemplate the What If's and Why Not's.
To feel freedom from all of this.

 

But I also go through moments of being very, very sad.

I just didn't picture it would end this way.

I didn't think it would end with a pregnancy either.

But I just didn't think it would go down like this.
It is the culmination of all of these years and all I have been through. And it feels like my body just could not do what it was created by God to do.

I know some of you may not understand, or may think I am being quite melodramatic about the whole thing. 
Afterall, I am a mother.  
And I have been infertile for all these years, 
what does this change? 
And don't I have enough kids, already? 

Yes, I do. 

And Yes, I have been.

But it does not make living with barrenness any easier.

I have a couple of Bible verses to share with those of you that I know have walked this path before me, or are going through it now:

 "Lift up your eyes round about and see; They all gather together, they come to you. Your sons will come from afar, And your daughters will be carried in the arms." ~Isaiah 60:4 NAS

"Sing, O childless woman! Break forth into loud and joyful song, O Jerusalem, even though you never gave birth to a child. For the woman who could bear no children now has more than all the other women," says the LORD. ~Isaiah 54:1 NLT

 You see I know I have been chosen and set apart.

I know God had this very plan for my life long before He created me.

And I feel daily the deep, deep richness and 

beauty in the family that I have. 

My husband and my children fill me up in the parts 

that infertility tries to leave me feeling empty and alone.

The day of my surgery will be an emotional one for sure.

But I do believe my feelings coming out of it

 will be positive and allow me to move on. 

The closure I have always longed for.

And every single time I feel sad for what I didn't have, I will look upon the bounty that I do have, and be grateful.

Carnival

 Our city had a Veteran's Day concert and carnival this weekend.

 Our family friends met us there and some rode the ferris wheel.

 Half of us did not...including me.

 With a big family, something like a carnival can turn into a cash suck in no time at all. SO we have to establish money boundaries which included: every kid gets one ride and one treat.

 Jasmine enjoyed the carousel.

 The evening ending with a very big firework show.

 I prefer fireworks when the outside temp is 65 degrees vs. 95 any day!

This event, which is walking distance from our house, has become an annual part of our Fall festivities. I cannot believe Thanksgiving is a little over a week away.

Tables

Since moving into this house three years ago, we have had three different kitchen tables.

We moved in with our little white table. I loved that table.

It served our family of 4 well:

Then when Jayden came home and we were expecting Jasmine, we knew four chairs just was not going to cut it anymore. So we found this beauty:

Our six seater black table was well loved by the children, 

as is seen in all the paint knicks and loose chair legs it now sports.

Now, three years later...we are a family of SEVEN 

and this just won't due. 

When K came home this summer, we made it work by strapping Jasmine's booster seat onto a card table chair. And we kept our eyes out for a good deal on an 8 chair dining table.

Well we found one!

This is a counter height table with nice tall chairs giving lots of leg and elbow room for all of us. We have an extra chair for guests, or three extra if we bring in the little kids table for company.

 I am so happy with this table and chairs. The only bad part is that it takes up all the space in our kitchen, which is also the space where the pantry and laundry room is...so it is a tight fit for sure.

It is just another reminder that we have quickly....quickly outgrown this house.

Three of the four bedrooms have two people sleeping in them and our living room couch only seats five with no room anywhere for extra furniture (sorry for the blurry photo).

God knows what He was doing when he grew our family to seven in 6 years...so I trust He has a place in mind for us to live next.

Is it bad for me to hope that is has lots and lots of room? 

:)

Bball

 

K's basketball season on JV at the highschool has officially begun!!

We had two scrimmage's this week. In these pictures he has the ball in all of them.

Funny story:

I looked at the booster club website yesterday and saw this big announcement that there is a parent meeting Monday night. So we had a conversation that went like this:

Mom: When were you going to tell me about the basketball parent meeting on Monday.

K: Yeah, I have a flier in my backpack. There is a meeting on the 12th at 7 pm.

Mom: Uh, Babe. Monday is the 12th.

K: This Monday?

Mom: Yep

K: Oh oops. I would have probably told you around 6 pm Monday night.

Mom: I thought so.

The joys of having a teenage boy.

You can look forward to lots more Bball pictures between now and February.

Our Friends' Birthday Parties

Vivi went to a birthday party for her friend Grace who turned 8. 

It was a mall scavenger hunt. Very fun!!

 Check out that adorable purse cookie cake!

All the girls got to ride the carousel located in the food court.

 They had to all pose with a Disney character. Check out the birthday girl's dad (our pastor) in the background. Hilarious!! 

What a good sport.

Then they needed a photo of them all in high heels.

Build A Bear!

Then a couple weeks ago, 

Jayden went to his friend Ty's 4th birthday party.

It was a garbage truck theme.

The cake was a photo of the birthday boy dressed as Oscar the Grouch.

So clever...

 The boys played a trash pick up race with a pair of tongs:

Then the city drove over with a garbage truck for the main event:

 All the kids posed in the driver's seat and pulled the very loud horn.

The truck performed for the boys.

What a fun theme for a party!