Why Renting Can Often Be Better Than Owning...

We moved into our house in September 2009. We had come from 18 months of living in a tiny two bedroom (although nicely decorated. ;) apartment. Before that, Vivi spent her first year in our house that we had owned for 4 years when we made the tough decision to sell it, downsize, and tackle our debt.

Apartment living was...fun...to say the least. :) Actually it was not SO bad. We had a playground in walking distance and a dog park, two pools, and a gym. We made due, for sure. But when our lease was coming up, we wanted to move back into a house. Without having a down payment, renting was our best option. We saw many, many houses in the town we wanted to move...many were just gross. When we walked into this house...I gasped. The fireplace caught my eye as being one that reminded me of my childhood in Indiana. And we were thrilled to discover not 3 bedrooms, but 4 in this one story! Perfect for our growing family! We put our application and deposit in that afternoon and the rental agency called to tell us good thing for that because hours after approving ours, another couple came in and the wife sobbed when she found out the house was taken.

We were so excited to have a backyard once again! And a huge green one at that!!

We re-signed our lease this past September for a 9 month (that will end in June). Even though our house was built before I was born, it has been the biggest blessing for us! Why rent when you can own...some might wonder. As it seems that owning a home is still considered the "American Dream". Well, for one we got nothing back on the sell of our first home, and selling it was tough...long story. But the main reason is because we LOVE, LOVE, LOVE our rental company. These people always come out within 24 hours if something isn't right (like our A/C going out last summer!) and they cover all the expenses. Recently the owner of the home asked the agency to do a tour of our home and assess the condition it was in. He also gave them the ok to do any needed repairs...

Like a brand new kitchen faucet (with a sprayer!).

Our old one was leaking and had no sprayer.

Yesterday we were delivered and installed a new dishwasher because the last one wasn't working up to par.

Our thermostat was one of those old school dial-on-the-side ones. And we were having trouble regulating our furnace because the thermometer did not match up to what we thought we were setting it at...by more than 10 degrees!

So in comes an electrician with a brand new digital thermostat! And besides the dishwasher...the most exciting thing for me has been new closet doors!!!
We used to have these cheap old metal ones. They began to fall off one by one, starting with the pantry door (to the left). We had to put up a curtain for about a year! Once the laundry room doors started to fall of their sliders, we said "That's it!" Within days, the rental agency sent in our handyman Craig (such a nice guy!) to take off all metal doors that weren't working and replace them with white heavy wooden doors. YEAH!!

He even took down our makeshift curtain (that we put up instead of the hazardous metal door) in the nursery and put a wooden door up on that closet! So baby will be ALL set with a cute nursery when he/she comes home! Plus, they are going to repaint the front of the house/front door and fix the ventilator in the bathroom.

All of this at NO cost to us. They documented our house as "very clean and tidy with no noticeable stains on the carpet". Such a compliment with 3 kids and 2 dogs, I have to tell you! But I scrubbed and cleaned before that inspection harder than for any homestudy we have ever had! I wanted them to see that we take care of our property whether we own it our not. I really do think that has just motivated them all the more to give us nice stuff! Now I know we are the lucky ones...that some people have crappy landlords and end up with more hassle renting. But I have to say renting this house has been SO good for us. No home owners association fees, property taxes, repairs...and all for less a month then we used to pay on our 3 bedroom mortgage!

So with pride, we will be signing our lease in June for another year!

Book Recommendation!

As I have waited ALL morning for our new dishwasher to be delivered which hasn't happened yet (blogpost for another day), I was able to finish my library book!! I picked up this book, Another Mother; Coparenting with the Foster Care System randomly on Monday in the parenting section. I have read plenty of books on adoption, but have actually never read one about foster parenting. This book proved you can't judge a book by it's cover...literally...cause the cover is kinda ugly. But the book was AWESOME! It is a woman's account of navigating the foster care system with her infant placement from 2000-2002. She is a mother of two children by birth and she and her husband wanted to "give back to society" by foster parenting. Of course they never anticipated how much the experience would change them. I thought I would quote some of the book here that was especially impactful to me:

First she talks about the arrival of her 5 week old foster baby without the "usual cultural rituals" like baby announcements, showers, etc. She says, "It bothered me that Cecilia didn't have the same fanfare that other children had when they were born or adopted. Why does it matter? I thought. She doesn't know any different. But ritual is part of our human social condition and not being able to partake in it on her behalf made me unhappy." I SO can relate to this feeling with all of my babies. We only had two "fanfare" kids...our foster baby girl that was an adoption placement but fell through, and Vivi. Maybe because people don't rally around "temporary" placements because they are seen well...as temporary.

In another section she hits the nail on the head with this statement, "...you are at the mercy of an agency that doesn't create most of the regulations but must enforce them. Complicating this are unreasonable and excessive rules that the agency may not enforce but can use as evidence of noncompliance if it chooses to." The Lord knows we found this to be true!

They were an upper middle class foster family and did a wonderful job caring for the baby, so it was refreshing to read these words that echo our feelings exactly...."My thesaurus has the following synonyms for the word 'foster': back, champion, support,uphold, entertain, harbor, house, lodge, shelter, accomodate, assist, favor,help, oblige. We were prepared to do all these things as foster parents. What we weren't interested in doing was going to useless training, having to get permission to go on vacation, getting reprimanding letters in the mail when we were behind on some regulation (regardless of whether we were at fault), and spending time on paperwork that had to do with agency business, not with parenting. But we did all those things."

And one of my FAVORITE quotes from the book on the topic of people saying "I could never do that, I would get too attached": "The next time someone tells me that they would get too attached, I'm going to say 'You're probably right. Why bother risking your own feelings for a kid you don't even know? I mean really, who cares?' We talked about how warnings about 'getting too attached' sometimes seemed to imply the speaker was taking the high road-suggesting how sensitive they were when in fact they probably didn't want to disrupt their lives, a more honest and understandable excuse. We wanted to say to people, 'Yes, getting attached is a risk, but we are adults and we are supposed to care about children in our society, even if it is difficult.' AMEN!

She also goes on to talk in depth about transracial fostering/adopting, and using Medicaid and WIC. That was some really good stuff too...but I will stop with the quotes here. If you are thinking about fostering or are a current foster parent...run to GET this book. You can order it online and read the synopsis, HERE.

Or go see if your library has it for free!! It is a real treasure and will help you feel not so alone as you navigate this tricky system!

"When all God's children can work together, pray together, struggle together, and stand up for freedom together...If America is to be a great nation, this must become true."

~Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

I Have A Dream...

"I have a dream that one

day little black boys and girls will be holding hands

with little white boys and girls as sisters and brothers."

~Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

A Weekend Full of Blessings...

We had a great weekend with the boys' cousins K and T here again!

K asked if they could come because it was a 3 day weekend for them, but we really need a day to just lounge around and not have to entertain before Billy goes back to work and the kids to school...so having been here since Friday afternoon, we took them back today. The big theme when the boys are here is FOOD and GAMES. My two tiered stand got lots of face time, with the number of meals I prepared. I also made peanut butter fudge which was a homerun....thanks Bakerella.com! And brownies which were a raw disappointment. ;(
These kids are the gamiest!! We played Pacman on our TV, countless games of Sorry and Uno, Yahtzee, Scene It, Guess Who, Jenga, Perfection, War, Go Fish....it goes on.
That is was K loves to do non-stop! They also enjoyed the Chipmunks movies we own, and Despicable Me in 3D at the dollar theater. It was their first 3D experience and they seemed to really enjoy it. Even though the boys are very polite, they are not complimentary...which can get me down sometimes as I really feed off of verbal encouragement...and go out of my way to make meals special and games fun. At one meal I joked "you know it would be nice to get a 'this is the best meal ever' or 'your fudge is amazing!' every once in awhile." All five kids did not catch on to my not-so-subtleness but T immediately said "can I have a soda?" to which Billy and I died laughing! The requests never stopped for 2 days. Good grief!! But we know that they love coming to our house and enjoy everything about it. They are 10 and 14 year old boys...I can't expect an award for making them yummy pancakes!


Despite the normal issues and discouragement that we have with them here...the fact that beds were being wet every night and nap by one or more of our boys (the smell of pee has stalked me for 3 days now!)...and Lucy tracked mud over the entire house while we were at an event Sat. night, it was a great weekend. K once again shared so much with me about J's home life and Isaac and J's birthmother...things she has done and said in her life...and various incidents that I have in CPS documentation but have not had a personal account of. It seems like K saw and was witness to everything that went on. He recalls so much! We have a whole box of avadavits from when we were petitioning the court to adopt Isaac, and K was able to fill in so many gaps for me. On that note, I have a very special thing to share that I am SO excited about!!!
A few days before K and T came, I was looking through this box of CPS documents. I haven't looked at it in years, but I always remembered there was a grainy black and white photo copy of a picture of Isaac as a baby. It was taken the day he first entered foster care, 11 months before he came to live with us. It is the only baby picture we have of him. In the picture, there is a profile of a child holding him. We of course never knew who this child was. But when I pulled it out of the box last week, I gasped! "Honey!! It's K!!" I said to Billy who was in bed. I knew by the shape of his thumb and his nose and mouth. I couldn't believe it! This missing piece is so huge to me. K confirmed when I showed it to him, that it was in fact him at 8 years old. He remembers the photo being taken and he remembers buckling my child into his little carseat right before CPS took him away from his birthfamily forever. K looked at the photo for a long time as I could see memories flooding back....some happy I am sure, many sad. He said he was always holding "the baby" and wanted to say goodbye to him. He didn't just take care of my J. He also loved on my firstborn son. For that reason and so many more, our relationship with K is so special to me.
I had to share this sweet photo with you.
It says so much.

Joy in unexpected places...

I had a Dr.'s Appt. today for "female issues". I won't share what that means here, but the Dr. had me do a pregnancy test. Of course I knew I was not pregnant...but you know how they like to rule things out. As I was telling my Dr. we are still waiting for a baby and was showing her photos of J (last time she saw me I was getting my physical for our infant adoption!) I told her, "You know, this is the first time in my life where being pregnant would be a really BAD thing!" After the results of course came back negative...I kissed Vivi's forehead and said "In 7 years...this life was way better than a pregnancy any day!" Vivi said "I love you, Mom!" and the Dr. and assistant gushed over her. I told her I would be concerned about having a biological child, because I would not want people to say "Is this one yours?" She jumped in, rolling her eyes and said "They are ALL yours." I said, exactly!! With my current "issues", I am being put back on the Pill for the first time in 7 years! I looked at the Dr. and said "I am way beyond pregnancies now...and way over my head with kids!"

After having an exam of *ahem* the most annoying kind...I gathered my coat and my daughter and said to my Dr. "Despite the circumstances...this was a very pleasant visit!"

We both laughed at that one!

As I pulled out of the parking lot, I drove past an OB/GYN office and this fertility clinic. Who knew that this heartbreaking failure 6 years ago, would have led to this immense and unmeasurable joy today...
I would not have it any other way.