Jasmine's
dr.'s
appt. was today. She now weighs 9 lbs. and 10 ounces and she is 21 inches long! The nurse could not believe how much she has grown since she was there at 2 weeks old. I told her that she does not miss a meal!
She is cranky today because of her 3 shots so she took her photos with her pacifier.
I can officially say that after 2 months, the shock is finally wearing off!
She came home so fast with us not knowing if we would have a girl or a boy and when or what beautiful color our baby would be... that it has taken some time for me to stop thinking..."pinch me, am I really the Mama to an adorable black newborn baby girl?! and do I really have four kids? How did that happen?"
That is a blogpost for another day!
I don't know if it is because my boys were never babies in my home, or because I was very much expecting this baby to be a boy too...but I sometimes forget in a way that I have an African American daughter. I don't forget she is black or that she is mine...but just the concept. For instance, I was thinking that Vivi's dollhouse she is growing out of can be moved to Jasmine's room someday but then it occurred to me that the family in that dollhouse is white (we had debated getting the one with the black family but didn't), so now I am hoping I can just order the black family so we can mix and match our family members up a little bit in there! Also, at Christmas I have not focused much on searching for black images like angels because they were girls and I had boys...but now I will! Also, when we look at toys at the store it is even more blaringly obvious to me that no black faces greet me on the doll aisle.
My sweet friend Kimberly who is Creole and was raised in New Orleans sent me the preview to a documentary called "Dark Girls" which talks about the discrimination found within the black community from light skinned African Americans to dark skinned. It gave the example of Beyonce looking more and more white with her recent skin bleaching and blonde hair...the standard of beauty in this country. These kinds of issues didn't occur to me as much as the mother of boys...but now, as the mother of a dark chocolate skinned baby girl... it does.
As it should.
I have been questioned before about why we choose to focus so much on race. "What does it matter, we are all the same?" people have said. "Why bring it up? You are just teaching your kids to see color" I have also been told. Well...I do talk about it alot, yes. That is no secret. And the reason is because I believe it very much does matter. You see...we as White Americans can live in our "colorblind" world because we always have. We are not judged by the color of our skin. We are not discriminated against when we go shopping in a store. We do not have trouble finding Dr's and dentists and hairstylists of our same race. But some Black Americans do.
One does not teach kids to see color, they just see it. So to not talk about it serves no one. Maybe we air on the side of not making people uncomfortable, but that is not my goal. My goal is to make sure that my kids are always comfortable talking about it. So we dialogue, and we explore, and we learn about race relevant issues, and we educate ourselves about the history of blacks in America. And my kids will always know that, yes, of course I cannot understand firsthand what they go through out there, but I can listen and empathize, and be a place of advice and encouragement and information. Yes, white America...people DO still believe that those with lighter skin are superior to those with darker. It is true! And for those who do not proclaim that so loudly as others, the standard of beauty being light skinned, thin, and blonde is still very much there in the recesses of their subconscious. The idea of beauty was not such a concern to me before because I believe Vivi will easily be accepted into the gorgeous subcategory of society...she already is! But for Jasmine....she will have a bigger ladder to climb. And I hate that for her. I want her to be able to step out with a proud smile on her face knowing how fabulous she is. I am more sensitive to comments like "She is so dark already" and "look at all that hair! Wow!". These bother me because she is a girl. With boys, the comments that come natural to people focus on athletic prowess, height and weight, intelligence. With girls...it is appearance. White, black, brown...if you are a girl, you will have people focus on your appearance. It is just the way it is. I am not going to be able to change it. But I can be aware. I can seek information. I can be an advocate on behalf of my daughters.
So for as much as I can know, I will. And for as much as I can do on her behalf, I will. As much as I can set her up for success, I will. She is my precious brown skinned beauty. But most importantly, she is God's precious brown skinned beauty and that alone is where her worth will lie.
Auntie Benja babysat while we went on datenights, went to the zoo and out to eat with us, folded laundry, did dishes...fed the baby at night...you name it, she did it! And we even went shopping for kid's clothes! Wow...check out all these cute outfits. We love you, Auntie Benja!
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