How Are We REALLY Doing?

The big question is "how are you really doing with four kids?" I have had people say to me that it appears on my blog like I am the Mom that has it all together. Oh goodness...no, no, no....I can assure you...NO! I am emotional. I can be very unmotivated. I am very, very impatient. I am hot tempered. I come from a long line of tightly wound women...so sometimes it can be hard just to make it through a day. I struggle to rest and relax. I don't take "time for myself"...what is that anyway? It is not that I don't want to or that I want to be the family martyr...it is that I don't know how anymore! I have had a journey of personal acceptance that has at times taken me to dark places, but I am blessed to say that the GRACE of my Lord always meets me there. Everyone who knows me, knows I live life as an open book, and rarely shy away from speaking my opinion, often times to a fault. But my friends are fiercely loyal to me and have given me a strong sense of sisterhood...acceptance despite my faults, unconditional love...family. They, along with my wonderful husband, have healed many wounds I carried for years. I would not be where I am today without them.

Sooo...in saying that...I will now answer the question of how we are doing! Honestly...we have great days (today is one of them!) and we have really tough days. The tough days usually involve the baby being very high need and therefor not giving me good times to get anything done including eating (I ate half a can of fruit cocktail for dinner last night). On those days I struggle with guilt that I am not in every moment with my other 3, (for instance Isaac has his first school field trip tomorrow that I will not be a chaperone to, for obvious reasons. He is not happy about that.) I am short with the kids and need for them to behave and be self reliant. "I am only one person!" I have cried out. On the tough days I disdain the dog hair tufts that float across the tile floor, I feel depressed at the dishes piling up in the kitchen, and the laundry....oh for the love of all things holy...the laundry. Thankfully on these days I have a wonderful husband who listens to me vent. I have kids who say spontaneously, "I love you Mom, You're the best, and You make me so happy!" and of course there is always this sweet face to greet me... Having four kids does not feel a whole lot different then having three. There is one more Easter basket to fill....one more person to buckle into the car...and of course one more bath to be had! But I think by the time you get to four, you kind of have the routine of your day and the rythym of your other kids down.

So all that is left is one more face to kiss, ten more nails to trim...

And a lifetime of LOVE.

That makes all the bad days melt into one GOOD memory.