Next Friday I will turn 33 years old.
I am not sure how exactly I feel about this, if anything at all.
My birthday has never been met with much fanfare. It comes, I eat cake, I open the few cards and gifts that arrive and 24 hours later it is over and I am officially a year older. This year and the months proceeding my 32nd birthday...last summer.... have been a time of some real life changes. I have lost relationships that were dear to me, and in the midst of that have had to discover realities about life and love and family and friendships. It has been a year of pain and self discovery. It has been a year where I have had to say to God time and time again, "please carry me through this." And He did.
He brought a new church family into our lives, that have unknowingly ministered to my hurting heart. They have accepted me when I wasn't sure I was acceptable or had much to offer. Sure...I still carry with me the fear of abandonment I feel in every relationship, the thoughts of "things are good now...but they won't stick around forever." But I have had to step out in faith and trust that God has us right here for His purpose and glory, not my own.
I have had health issues this year that are still a problem and concern for me, even though the Dr's don't really know why my body is doing what it is doing. It doesn't scare me...it is a nuisance. There is too much life to live to be worried about what I can't control.
BUT despite the hardships I have faced in the past 12 months since I turned another year older, this year has brought about some of the greatest joys of my life. I could not have ever known that I would become the mother to TWO more precious children in a year's time. When motherhood does not come easy, you do not ever take for granted a family addition. At the beginning of last summer, I was the mother of a son and a daughter. This summer I am the mother of another son and a daughter. Four children. Four.
My cup really does runneth over with blessings upon blessings.
So this birthday, I will not remain focused on my failures and my short comings. I will focus on the way that my God continues to provide for me and love me in a way that is above and beyond any love I will ever feel on this earth. God's perfect, accepting, never ending, unselfish, pure and patient love.
Nothing can match it.
But I will say, the love of these two most perfect of birthday gifts... sure come close.
I am not sure how exactly I feel about this, if anything at all.
My birthday has never been met with much fanfare. It comes, I eat cake, I open the few cards and gifts that arrive and 24 hours later it is over and I am officially a year older. This year and the months proceeding my 32nd birthday...last summer.... have been a time of some real life changes. I have lost relationships that were dear to me, and in the midst of that have had to discover realities about life and love and family and friendships. It has been a year of pain and self discovery. It has been a year where I have had to say to God time and time again, "please carry me through this." And He did.
He brought a new church family into our lives, that have unknowingly ministered to my hurting heart. They have accepted me when I wasn't sure I was acceptable or had much to offer. Sure...I still carry with me the fear of abandonment I feel in every relationship, the thoughts of "things are good now...but they won't stick around forever." But I have had to step out in faith and trust that God has us right here for His purpose and glory, not my own.
I have had health issues this year that are still a problem and concern for me, even though the Dr's don't really know why my body is doing what it is doing. It doesn't scare me...it is a nuisance. There is too much life to live to be worried about what I can't control.
BUT despite the hardships I have faced in the past 12 months since I turned another year older, this year has brought about some of the greatest joys of my life. I could not have ever known that I would become the mother to TWO more precious children in a year's time. When motherhood does not come easy, you do not ever take for granted a family addition. At the beginning of last summer, I was the mother of a son and a daughter. This summer I am the mother of another son and a daughter. Four children. Four.
My cup really does runneth over with blessings upon blessings.
So this birthday, I will not remain focused on my failures and my short comings. I will focus on the way that my God continues to provide for me and love me in a way that is above and beyond any love I will ever feel on this earth. God's perfect, accepting, never ending, unselfish, pure and patient love.
Nothing can match it.
But I will say, the love of these two most perfect of birthday gifts... sure come close.
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3 friends commented!:
Lovely post laurie. Love you!
Where did those puzzles come from? Natalie needs one of those!
I'm glad this year has brought you so many blessings. Blessing that far outweigh the troubles that have come your way.
I'm very thankful that the church family God has brought to your family has helped fill the void of lost relationships. Although I know they can't totally replace the relationships you lost I know it helps.
Praying for more unexpected blessing this year for you. But I promise I won't pray for another surprise child. :-)
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