A Gift From The Past

Way back in college I had a dear friend. We clicked the very moment we met and were pretty inseparable from that day on. I was the Maid of Honor in her wedding, hosted her baby showers, and was in the delivery room when she welcomed her second child into the world. I adored this friend. We were kindred spirits...sharing all of the same strong opinions about Christianity, politics, social situations, morality.
But something happened to me when I went through infertility.

I got really selfish.
I was hurting so deeply from my world having come crashing down on my head. And all I could think about was, "why wasn't she there for me like I had been there for her?"

My friend and I had a snag in communication, as happens in all of the best of relationships. But instead of allowing it grow us closer together, I took the easy route and wrote her an obnoxious letter. She called me. I ignored it. She wrote me an email.

We never spoke again.

Months turned into years and I never forgot how much I adored her. It was my biggest life regret that I let that friendship go because of my selfishness, my fear of rejection, and my laziness in dealing with conflict. Anytime rejection came up in my life, I cried all over again for this friendship lost.

I became a mother and a few years went by. I emailed her. She ignored it.

I never thought I would hear from her for the rest of my life unless our paths crossed randomly.
But they never did.

This summer, the day before Jayden's adoption...I was given the greatest gift.
My friend emailed me.

I immediately responded and a couple weeks went by with no response from her. Then one night in August, out of the blue, she called me! She said that she had contacted information for my number. We talked for over an hour and caught up on life.
My four kids....her three. The this...the that.

It was like 6 years had not passed in our friendship!
Kindred spirits once again.

I didn't mention why my friend was not there for me like I thought a friend should be.
Her world had come crashing down too. The baby girl she had dreamed of and birthed...that I was there to witness...was born with profound disabilities because of CMV that she caught in the womb. The day after she was born, the Dr's discovered the damage this terrible disease had done to this long awaited daughter, and told the family. We knew the baby was sick in the womb and would likely have many complications but we were not prepared for her to be born blind, deaf, and brain damaged to a degree that only gave her a 7-10 year lifespan. It was when her baby girl was one year old, that she and I stopped talking. We were both treading water at that time in our lives. I think our personal pain blinded us from really seeing the other's perspective and for that I have learned a great life lesson. Every one you meet and know is carrying around with them their own heavy burden. Some are more obvious...some are not. But we all have our wounds and we need one another.

I gave her my blog address and she said she loved it and had wanted to start one for a long time to talk about the journey God had brought her family on with the birth of their Elise. She just started her blog a few weeks ago, but has already had such wonderful response. Her recent post is about society's reaction to a 7 year old in a wheel chair, with a pacifier! It hit home for me as a transracial adoptive family as her perspective is not one of annoyance at the reactions of most...but of recognizing that the life God chose for her, He did for a reason. And that because her child who cannot see or hear, or even comprehend the huge impact her life has on others, is a testimony of God's love and provision even in the midst of what many would perceive as a nightmare. I am so very proud of my sweet friend, Ashley and her choice to be outspoken about her story.

Please go visit her blog at Life With Elise and give her some love and support from blogland!