***Updated at the bottom***I recently had a friend on Facebook put in a "blog post request". She wanted me to blog about Birthday Party Etiquette. I thought that sounded like fun, so here you go!
These are of course just my ideas of what I think. Take it or leave it!
Her first question was: "When your child is invited to a party, are her parents invited too?"
In general, yes one parent should stay with the child unless the invitation stated otherwise.
But this is a good question for dealing with uninvited siblings, as well.
The general rule I follow is that if a sibling is under 2, it is okay for them to come uninvited.
But do not expect there to be food or party favors for the siblings, so pack accordingly. If it is an older sibling, and the invitation was addressed to just your child: do not bring any other siblings with them unless told otherwise. And do not ask. It is rude and it will put the hostess in a tricky situation of having to turn it down, or worse: feel forced into accepting the sibling because they really want the party guest to come. This is especially cumbersome if the party place is a Pay per guest and/or if other families didn't bring siblings but show up at the party and see yours sitting there. Your best case scenario if you cannot get a babysitter for a sibling: ask if you can leave the child who was invited at the party because you have no one else to keep the sibling. The hostess will either say, "that is perfectly fine!" and tell you when to pick him up, or she will say: "bring the siblings! It's no big deal!"
As a party hostess, I have done both.
"When my child is having a birthday party, do I invite the parents?
If the parents come am I expected to have food for them?"
In general, yes one parent should stay with the child unless the invitation stated otherwise.But this is a good question for dealing with uninvited siblings, as well.
The general rule I follow is that if a sibling is under 2, it is okay for them to come uninvited.
But do not expect there to be food or party favors for the siblings, so pack accordingly. If it is an older sibling, and the invitation was addressed to just your child: do not bring any other siblings with them unless told otherwise. And do not ask. It is rude and it will put the hostess in a tricky situation of having to turn it down, or worse: feel forced into accepting the sibling because they really want the party guest to come. This is especially cumbersome if the party place is a Pay per guest and/or if other families didn't bring siblings but show up at the party and see yours sitting there. Your best case scenario if you cannot get a babysitter for a sibling: ask if you can leave the child who was invited at the party because you have no one else to keep the sibling. The hostess will either say, "that is perfectly fine!" and tell you when to pick him up, or she will say: "bring the siblings! It's no big deal!"
As a party hostess, I have done both.
"When my child is having a birthday party, do I invite the parents?
If the parents come am I expected to have food for them?"
My general rule for this has been: Toddler parties (child is 3 or under), go ahead and make sure to have food for ALL party goers and expect that the entire family you invited will likely show up.Age 4 and up: feel free to just provide food for the kids, parents can munch on what is left over. If the child is over the age of 6, it is fine to tell the parent when the RSVP: "please feel free to leave Ryan here for the party and you can pick him at 2:00!"
Do you need to provide party favors?
I believe you should always provide something for each child who was invited to take home with them. It does not have to be an elaborate bag of treats...although I usually go "all out" in this department because I am grateful for those who took time out to come to my child's party.But your party favors can be as simple as a wrapped cookie or lollipop, a book, or a package of bubbles. 
Party favors are important because they are the best way you can show gratitude to your guests for taking 2 hours out of their day to honor your child's birthday, and of course a token of thanks for the gift they spent money on and brought with them.
"Is it necessary to bring a gift? What is a good price range?"
Party favors are important because they are the best way you can show gratitude to your guests for taking 2 hours out of their day to honor your child's birthday, and of course a token of thanks for the gift they spent money on and brought with them."Is it necessary to bring a gift? What is a good price range?"
Yes, it is always necessary to bring a gift unless asked not to on the invitation or by the parent.I have been to parties where the invitation asked for a monetary donation to be made to a charity in honor of the birthday child. I have also been asked to bring specific items that a charitable organization is in need of. I have been to parties where we were asked to bring a new wrapped book to exchange amongst the party goers in lieu of a gift.
These are all great ideas, and I honor those requests.
However, I always bring a little token of something for the birthday child and discretely slip it to the mom to give to him/her later. This could be a puzzle, play jewelry, a book, anything small but something they would like...again as a token of thankfulness for inviting us to the party.
As far as a range to spend on birthday party gifts: I usually spend $10-$30 depending on how well I know the child, how close I am to the family, etc. For classmates: $10. For relatives and close friends: $20-30. For acquaintances, I may re-gift something or give a general item I found on clearance. For close friends, I like to purchase something I know the child is into or would really like.
And let me add this: RSVP early.
It is rude to wait until the day before or not RSVP at all.
The hostess has planned at least a week in advance and may or may not have a party favor bag ready for your child if she finds out 12 hours before the party that you will be bringing her. You also ought to know what you are doing or not doing 7 days from now.
If you are waiting to see if something "better" will come up and that is why you are delaying, go ahead and RSVP with a "NO". You must not be that good of friends anyway.
So I hope this answered all of your questions, Emily!! If anyone else has anything to ask or add, please do so in comments and I will add it to the post!
After writing this, I thought I would also add some links to other bloggers' Birthday Party Etiquette posts, so you aren't stuck having to just take my word for it. :)
Children's Birthday Party Etiquette Q & A
&
Eleven Tips For The Perfect Birthday Party
If you want some ideas for a CUTE party, check out this blog:
A to Zebra Celebrations
**Update** In comments, Debbie brought up a good point. When you are invited to twins or even a joint sibling birthday party...YES you need to bring a gift for each child of equal value/coolness. And hopefully the Mom will know to UP the party favors a bit to compensate!
Debbie also was wondering if you are wanting to do a gender only party, is it rude to leave out a twin who is the opposite gender and at what age is that acceptable. I believe beginning at four years old, a gender specific party is perfectly acceptable. I have done it with two of my kids. And no it is not rude at all to exclude a twin of the opposite gender. Twins need to have their own identity and friendships anyway, and this is a perfect opportunity for one twin to have some fun time just as herself/himself. However, you will want to make your party favors appeal to whichever gender is going to receive it. So if you are having an all girl party except for one boy, do up a boy themed party favor bag OR wrap a red bow around a sports ball or sand truck and call it a day! Just make sure he also receives any candy that the girls received and he should be perfectly happy!
These are all great ideas, and I honor those requests.
However, I always bring a little token of something for the birthday child and discretely slip it to the mom to give to him/her later. This could be a puzzle, play jewelry, a book, anything small but something they would like...again as a token of thankfulness for inviting us to the party.
As far as a range to spend on birthday party gifts: I usually spend $10-$30 depending on how well I know the child, how close I am to the family, etc. For classmates: $10. For relatives and close friends: $20-30. For acquaintances, I may re-gift something or give a general item I found on clearance. For close friends, I like to purchase something I know the child is into or would really like.
And let me add this: RSVP early.
It is rude to wait until the day before or not RSVP at all.
The hostess has planned at least a week in advance and may or may not have a party favor bag ready for your child if she finds out 12 hours before the party that you will be bringing her. You also ought to know what you are doing or not doing 7 days from now.
If you are waiting to see if something "better" will come up and that is why you are delaying, go ahead and RSVP with a "NO". You must not be that good of friends anyway.
So I hope this answered all of your questions, Emily!! If anyone else has anything to ask or add, please do so in comments and I will add it to the post!
After writing this, I thought I would also add some links to other bloggers' Birthday Party Etiquette posts, so you aren't stuck having to just take my word for it. :)
Children's Birthday Party Etiquette Q & A
&
Eleven Tips For The Perfect Birthday Party
If you want some ideas for a CUTE party, check out this blog:
A to Zebra Celebrations
**Update** In comments, Debbie brought up a good point. When you are invited to twins or even a joint sibling birthday party...YES you need to bring a gift for each child of equal value/coolness. And hopefully the Mom will know to UP the party favors a bit to compensate!
Debbie also was wondering if you are wanting to do a gender only party, is it rude to leave out a twin who is the opposite gender and at what age is that acceptable. I believe beginning at four years old, a gender specific party is perfectly acceptable. I have done it with two of my kids. And no it is not rude at all to exclude a twin of the opposite gender. Twins need to have their own identity and friendships anyway, and this is a perfect opportunity for one twin to have some fun time just as herself/himself. However, you will want to make your party favors appeal to whichever gender is going to receive it. So if you are having an all girl party except for one boy, do up a boy themed party favor bag OR wrap a red bow around a sports ball or sand truck and call it a day! Just make sure he also receives any candy that the girls received and he should be perfectly happy!
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7 friends commented!:
What a cool post! These are things I haven't thought about yet, but will probably have to in the near future.
Partying. What a neat skill to have.
Why do people not RSVP?!? It's so annoying!!!! Love the one about the siblings! Thanks Laurie!!
What a great list! Yes people who do not RSVP make me NUTSO!
Thank you for this post! I hadn't thought of all of these things before. This was very helpful as I know our time is coming soon for our little guy to celebrate birthdays with friends! Thank you!
I hate when people don't RSVP.
Love this post. And I love how you explained the goody bags. We didn't have those growing up so it was new to me. But I've loved shopping for goody bags with my parties. Here's a goody bag question though. When it's a girly theme party but you are having boys how do you handle it?
How about twins? I'd love to do a girls only party for Isabel but she has friends who are twins, boy and girl. At her age (4) I feel it would be rude to invite just the girl and not the boy. At what age do you think that is acceptable?
Oh and on the topic of twins, if you are invited to a twins birthday party for both children a gift for BOTH children is necessary.
A word about "girl" and "boy" goody bags:
Just because something is generally associated with girls doesn't mean that boys don't like it, and vice versa. I tend to just give everybody the same things, unless I know the child well enough to know that he/she won't like it.
We went to a Strawberry Shortcake themed party. The boys got Scooby Doo goody bags. As it happens, my son has my old Strawberry Shortcake dolls and plays with them with his action figures. He was disappointed that he didn't get the Strawberry Shortcake themed goodies.
Last year, my son had a Transformers-themed party. Everyone got "Energon cubes" (pink Rice Krispie treats), Transformer Band-Aids, and a Transformers activity book. I knew that a couple of the girls really wouldn't like the Transformers items, so I got more traditional "girlie" stuff for their bags.
Just my two cents. :0)
I have to say you spend WAY more on gifts than we do!! Our entire Christmas spending on our OWN children is only about $40 each and we spend only about $10 - 20 on our own kids' birthdays. I never spend more than $5 - $12 on a birthday gift for another child.
Not saying either is right or wrong but I am sure there must be some others who spend less like we do.
As usual your parties are crazy-great! When your kids are older you could easily do this as a job (party planner for kids) if you wanted.
Carrie T.
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