Culture

There have been some differences in culture with K moving in. With my little boys, they have been raised with the morals and protection of a strong Christian family. They are still young enough to be shielded from things like inappropriate movies, music, and peer groups. This is not the case with a teen adoption where the child has lived an entire life away from you, a different culture than our white middle class...first in "the hood" and then in foster homes that he has had no control over. 

K has been exposed to things that I would never ever wish my child had witnessed or participated in. 

The more he gets to know me and trust me as his mom, the more he opens up. I won't share what he says because that is his personal business, but I will say it can be shocking and at times downright disturbing to hear his stories. The most difficult part is that often he doesn't see a problem with those influences on his life. He has lived in darkness in which there is no moral compass of right and wrong. Thankfully in many ways he has risen above that, but I am not naive enough to believe that he will always choose the path that will lead to righteousness. In fact, I believe that this will be an uphill road for us all from this moment to college graduation.

This realization has put me on a mission to both honor his cultural preferences like music (on his Ipod only), taste in clothes (to a degree), food preferences, and choice of extra-curricular activities.

(I make sure if his brothers are listening, that it is Gospel music only on there!)

However within that honoring, there will also be some influence on our parts to attempt to shape and mold him into the man we know he can be. For instance, whether he likes it or not he will be involved with our church Youth group (tweens and teens). It is crucial to me that he have friends whose families are walking in the same direction we are.

 This was on Facebook and I linked it to my wall:

 I love this. It inspires me to see the big picture that even though we have missed 15 years with this child, he is still a child. 

And even though the first 5 years in a kids life are crucial, 

I believe in a Savior that redeems the past at ANY age. 

On that note, like I said I have been in prayer for K to find some good Christian friends that he likes and respects and has things in common with. Yesterday, an amazing thing happened. We had plans to hang out with a friend I don't see very often because she was a teacher full time and had a 15 year old stepson. That morning her son said to his mom that he knew who K was and had went to middle school with him. We couldn't believe it. When we got there to swim, it was confirmed! Stayton and K had been in the 6th and 7th grades together and played football and basketball together. Stayton said "Mom, K is the kid who just disappeared and no one knew what happened to him."

Wow.

They had a blast reuniting!

They swam and then wanted to go in and play Xbox.

K came out and said, 

"Mom can I play Call of Duty?" 

(He knows how I feel about violence)

I said, "Alright if no little kids are around."

He had a huge smile and jumped up and put his first two fingers together saying,
 "Yes!! Mom...you and I are like this now."

Awesome moment.

The other aspect of culture has been that K's entrance into our family has begun to shape how the boys hair is done. Before I took them to any cheap hair salon that had a coupon in the mail. I always hated the edging done (or lack thereof) but just didn't want to spend more. I knew with K being a teen and having a certain style that we would have to begin to pay more for haircuts. So we now will be taking all the boys to a Barber shop a few blocks over.

 This guy spends about 20 minutes on each boy.

The edging is beautiful.

And K is there to help talk me into certain cuts and fades for the little boys.

All the men here are African American so the kids get the exposure of listening to what interests them and being able to see themselves in the context of other men and boys within their race.

Jasmine was fascinated with K's feet in the barber chair.

The other part of honoring K's preferences has been in the area of food.

Anyone following this blog for long time knows that I like my kids to eat well.

But when you adopt an older child, you have to respect the fact that food preferences are deep rooted and comforting. To take away what they love in lieu of a healthier diet is not a good idea. It could impede upon the parent/child attachment and trust you are trying so hard to build.
It is better to add healthy options to what they already love: like fresh fruit with their poptart. yogurt with their cookies, and baby carrots with their Doritos.
That way they still get what they like but also begin to build up a taste for healthier things.

For instance, K likes to douse everything in Ranch.

 Everything.

Salad, pizza, lasagna, pasta, vegetables...

It is quite gross.

However, I understand his need for what he knows and loves and as his devoted mother I buy the child the biggest bottle of ranch every week when I grocery shop. If this means he is willing to try new things as long as it is drowning in his favorite dressing, then fine. 

Isaac and Jayden have begun to ask for it and our answer is a resounding, 

NO.

We don't need them picking up bad habits!

These have been an exhausting two weeks full of many, many ups and downs.

But I know that in the end, God will honor our obedience to take in this child that he handpicked just for us. 

I believe it.

 I pray for it daily.

And I know that He who has chosen us will sustain us and equip us in all the areas we feel unprepared for.

Because this is a beautiful life He has already given us.