The Victory Is Not Won The Day They Come Home

Below is what I wrote on my Adoption Creates Families Facebook page this past week in response to a news article about the teenage boy from Florida who went to church to ask for an adoptive family and received over 10,000 requests.

The hashtag for this post says adoption isn't a fairy tale. No it is not. This is the story of the teen boy raised in the foster system in Florida who made national attention when he stood up in church and asked for an adoptive family.

 He got what he prayed for and was moved to Ohio just a few months ago. Sadly, he got into an altercacation with one of the parents kids and they flew him back to FL and canceled the adoption.

Friends. Billy and I know all too well how this could happen. We too have had our altercations with our own teen boy. I have shed buckets of tears. We have asked God why us? Why this child? We have fought. We lose battles and we win some. This summer hasnt been so great because he was suspended the last day of school.

We are sometimes embarrassed. We are all the time exhausted. But we have done something this Ohio family didnt do. We made a covenant to God that the child He chose to bring home to us will forever remain ours.

I cast no judgement on this family's decision to call off the adoption. But more so I wonder what will become of this boy now? He is not a product to be traded. He is a human with deep pain. This article says he has anger issues. Well...of course he does. So does our boy. But as we have found, no therapy can do the deep healing work to a child's soul like a loving, firm, in tune Mom and Dad can do. A real Mom and Dad that wont ever leave you or forsake you.

Here is the news article which paints a very sad story. Davion went too far with his new family. And they returned him to Florida. Billy pointed out that this article is tainted because there is no interview of the adoptive parents. Sure we could say "They should have never taken a broken teen if they weren't equipped." Or "They should not have committed to him if they weren't serious about it!"

From the comfort of our living room couches, this is a really easy assumption to make.

I had a lot of feedback on my FB page when I posted this. Friends sharing their own stories and struggles of adopting a teenager. Some of these stories are heartbreaking, the pain and intense fear these children have caused their families is overwhelming to read. Noone wants to give up on their kid. But sometimes saying goodbye becomes the only choice you are left with. I have all the compassion in the world for those parents who have moved mountains to make their family work. Likewise, my heart grieves with those whose families bust up.

My heart is also a little sad when I see pictures like this taken the month after our son came home to us:

There was so much hope in this. So much joy radiating as I stood with the love of my life at his parents anniversary party in Galveston, embracing the 5 beautiful children God had blessed me with. But just an hour after this photo was taken, Keishun stepped into the ocean for the first time in his life. And he took Isaac with him. Billy and I were on the shore fully clothed watching as our boys went out way too far. I began to panic that undertow would take them out and drown my children as I stood by helplessly.

So, I panicked and then Billy and I got into an argument about how it was too hot and too crowded to even be on that beach that day. We yelled and yelled for them to come back
but they could not hear us.

Panicked, I begged strangers to go retrieve my precious boys.
"Those black kids out there!!" I cried out through tears.
When they came back we angrily packed up and left.

 Keishun's first beach experience ruined.

That has been our life, friends. Beautiful moments tainted with the memories of a mom who sometimes clings way too tightly.

Fear.

The very fear that came to me the moment I realized I would never conceive. The fear that enveloped me when CPS took my first (foster) daughter away from us forever. The fear that has clung on the surface about all the what if's. What if I loose another child...to cancer, to an accident, to a predator.

Fear.

My heart and mind KNOW that God is bigger than all fear.
That the sacrifice Christ made on the cross conquered
death and fear forever.
That the victory is now ours to be won.

But I still struggle.
The fear now is, "Does my teenage son whom I did not birth and did not raise love me enough? Do I love him enough?"

Are we enough?

Enough for what?  You may wonder.

Enough to stop the tide of culture and history and habits that seem to engulf my son in anger and unpredictability.
Enough to be wanted and loved and missed when he leaves our  home to strike out on adulthood.

Enough to turn his life into a beautiful testimony.

And I know I am not enough.
I never could be.

This is a victory that is not ours to win.
God came before us in Keishun's life.
And He will follow behind long after my job is done.

You see, the summer our son came home began the most difficult journey Billy and I have ever undergone.

That day when he went into the ocean, he went too far.
And he has gone too far many times again with us.
He has gone too far with teachers, and coaches, and friends.
And I am helpless to bring him back.

I have cried to principles and teachers and coaches.
My son is an honor roll student. He has no juvenile record.
He does not do drugs or alchohol. He does not get into trouble with girls. Why, then do we struggle so much?

Relationships are so messy.

And he makes really foolish choices sometimes.
And it is really, really hard to be his mom.
He was suspended at the end of this school year for his actions. 
He spent the last day of school at home.

I was so sad. And so embarrassed.

Thankfully he is not a threat to us.

But maybe that is what happened with this teen boy, Davion.
Maybe he became a threat. And the fear of that was too great for this family to invest one more day into him. And I get that.

I also understand though, that if we don't stand in the gap with these troubled kids...then who will?
People have told us Keishun needs therapy and anger management classes. We just have not felt he would benefit from these things.

What we do KNOW is he needs a personal relationship
 with Jesus Christ.
There...and only there...will true healing begin.

We have the opportunity for him to go to Christian private school this coming school year, his Senior year.
We turned in our application today and have our interview on Wed.

This is an absolute answer to prayer.
He would be one of less than 30 in the Senior class.
He wants to play football, basketball, and run track.

He is incredibly excited about this and so are we.
We all want a fresh start for him.
Billy and I want him to learn some things before heading off to college in just a year and we know this school would be a gift to our entire family.

So we wait in hopeful anticipation.

Our heart aches for the kids who don't get these chances.
I think Davion needs a second chance to start over.
But how many second chances can a person get before runs out?

For our teenage boy, it is not too late.
And I hope it is not too late for this boy in Florida too.