I am loving this!

I am half way through this book and thought I would pause to blog about it as I know due to length this will need to be a two part post! I bought my copy at Half Price (woo hoo!), but it has a burnt orange cover. I typically choose "advice" books by certain criteria (1) Is it recommended, (2) is it current, as in written or updated in the past 5 years, (3) does it look practical, meaning will I actually read it and follow the suggestions. Well other than number one- this book fit all my criteria. I was hooked in the introduction by this statement:

"Studies have found that mothers of children with ADHD
often report significantly lower levels of parenting self-esteem and higher
levels of depression, self-blame, and social isolation than their counterparts
who have non-ADHD children."

Wow.

This touched me deeply as I could never put my finger on why over the years I have struggled so much with parenting my son. I am used to boys, I am used to toddler boys. But parenting this one did not add up to what I thought it would be. I have questioned "what am I doing wrong?" and at times have shied away from taking him places as I knew he would probably act up and or tick off some other parent or store employee. I didn't want it to seem like I had an out of control child. This has definitely led to feelings of isolation. I have employed the same if not stricter discipline with him, many times to no avail.

And this led me wondering what to do.

As I continued to read a resounding "yep!" escaped my lips!

"Children who have ADHD, predominately
hyperactive-impulsive type, often fidget or squirm when seated, have
difficulty waiting their turn, and are often on the go or act as they they are
driven by a motor. They often run about or climb excessively in situations
where it is not appropriate, often talk excessively, and have difficulty
engaging in quiet activities."

The following part was interesting:

"Whether you gave birth to or adopted your child, learning that there is
something wrong with him is tough...For those who adopted an infant because of
infertility, the loss may be even greater because you have already suffered the
loss of a child dreamed about but who could never be." p. 9

I don't think it was all that tough for us. Probably because Isaac didn't come home as a healthy infant. We kind of gathered we would be facing medical issues with him anyway as we know his history. So no, this is no shock to us. But still difficult to know what to do.

Chapter 5 has turned out to be one of my favorites as it is titled "Problems That Drive You Wild." The ones we could relate to are trouble going to bed- he usually fusses, pouts, stomps. When company comes to Visit- this usually leads to acting out and really wild behavior. Running errands and shopping with your child- he has had moments of dumping things randomly off shelves, running, loud noises, etc. It is just exhausting for me. Non-stop talking (if you have met him, you know I do not have to elaborate on this one!) Fails to listen and struggles with following verbal directions. The interesting part is that the end of this chapter stated that the author's sons and other children she knows with ADHD had some other baffling similarities- excessively hot, hate to have their face and head touched, labels on clothing bother them, sensitive to smells, sounds, and sights. These seem to be sensory issues of which Isaac has in common with them. Which explains why at the age of 3 he was diagnosed with Sensory Integration Disorder. I am coming to believe this was just early signs of ADHD.

I am currently on chapter 6 titled Becoming the Proactive Parent, which I will blog about when I finish the book. The thing that has been so refreshing for me about this is to see that our "extreme parenting" of Isaac has been necessary for him to feel safe, understand boundaries, and learn critical life skills. But it is interesting that I am learning these children can not be parented the same way as other children. For instance, the author says she has to closely monitor what her child watches on TV as anything with violence can quickly escalate to him mimicking these behaviors. I have had pretty strict viewing criteria for Isaac since he was a toddler and I do not allow video games that have any fighting involved. So far he has been non-aggressive with his sister and peers. I think this has a lot to do with the fact that he is not exposed to it. It will be interesting to see how Isaac behaves as he gets older and his symptoms most likely become more pronounced and bothersome to him. We will continue to closely monitor his changes and hope to get him in for a Physicological this fall.

Stay tuned for the conclusion to the book in a couple weeks!

Sweet email I HAD to share from a teacher of Isaac's!

Often times we have found teachers are either intimidated by Isaac or exasperated by him. The only teacher that has done really well by Isaac is his Awana teacher this past year. We would go to pick him up and ask hesitantly, "how was he?" and she would say "oh he is just wonderful! So sweet. I love him. He does have a lot of energy, but he reminds me of my son." She would talk about how Isaac would sometimes sass her and say not so nice things in an angry tone but she would get on his level and talk to him sternly and he would be right back to sitting with her during group time or holding her hand in line. She was such a blessing to us. We knew if she was there, he would be okay.

Well I ran into her a couple weeks back at VBS (he plowed into her and wrapped his arms around her neck!) and we began talking about ADHD and our sons. She emailed me a link to a Dr. who specializes in this stuff and has written articles and books. So after receiving his diagnosis, I emailed her and thanked her for the resource and asked if she had any others. She replied with this sweet email that brought tears to my eyes. She gave me the okay to post it!

I have taken out names.


Hi Laurie,

It may actually be a blessing that a Doctor diagnosed it. Its better than being on the fence and wavering back and forth. Better to know so that you can fully embrace it. Knowing that he is ADHD will help you so much in being able to prepare and handle him. My number one resource would be Dr. Hallowell. His books are wonderful and he for me makes a lot of sense.



Obviously the choice is going to come when you need to decide if your going to medicate. My son is not currently medicated but I am. He is at a Montessori school which has been really good for him. I think we talked about that, we struggled a lot with two other schools before that. As far as teachers go, I think you ask if you can have a parent teacher conference and feel her out first. Start by asking her questions about her teaching methods. One thing I quit doing was apologizing all the time for my child's behavior. He would hear it and I think people start feeling like something must be “Wrong “ if they hear an apology. There is nothing “wrong” with Isaac. He is wired differently. Some would say he is wired awesomely. ADHD people tend to be high achievers and exceptionally talented people. Of course it helps if the people around you aren’t trying to fit you in a round hole.

I am headed out of town but will be back on Monday. I would love to talk about this more. I definitely have some ideas about what to tell teachers and what to tell your children.

I’ll be back in touch,
Please don’t be overwhelmed….i’ve been there.

I will be praying for y’all. God made Isaac perfect according to his plan.

-M

Thank you, thank you!! This just warms a mother's heart to no end! I hope to glean more from her on how to handle Isaac and the public perception of him. What a sweet encouragement to my heart to know that my boy is deeply loved for ALL that he is, not for what the world thinks he ought to be. And M- I promise I will STOP apologizing for him! If he does something wrong, he can apologize himself for it. He is who God created Him to be. And you are right, there is nothing wrong with him!

My Wild Child....Exploring ADHD

So as you know, we have been taking Isaac to see a Neurotherapist for his impulse issues and hyperactivity. He has been issuing treatments called Biofeedback where he is working to rewire his brain to function better. Well yesterday Billy and I sat down with the therapist to go over Isaac's brain map. Remember this picture!Well the results came back that he could see high levels of agitation in the areas of the brain that increase activity (no big shock there!) and that he had the exact brain patterns of older children and adults with ADHD. He also said that there was some concern in the area of visual understanding (not the technical term) which is where the brain takes what he sees and has trouble processing it, i.e. what people with dyslexia go through. He said this was mild and could very well correct itself over time as he is too young to show any signs of dyslexia, yet.

But getting back to the ADHD part. This too did not surprise us but kind of made me sad (I'll discuss that in a minute.) When we began our foster care journey, the social workers in our training told us that often times children from foster care have high rates of ADHD. There are lots of reasons why a person would have ADHD, many unexplained, but the main reasons seen in foster care for this would be substance exposure in the womb along with neglect or abuse, and the fact that from an early age they have had to self sooth. When an infant or young child isn't attended to in a loving way, and doesn't have all their needs met, they respond in a flight or fight mode. This means the levels in their brains that heighten during times of intense stress or crisis, remain heightened for abnormally long periods of time requiring the body to self sooth in order to bring down those levels. So they may do things to self sooth like rock, spin, suck their fingers obsessively, seek physical touch or shy away from it, among other things. We have been lucky that Isaac does not exhibit these types of self soothing behavior except for the seeking physical touch. What his brain is doing to self sooth is it remains in a constant state of movement. The only time he is calm and quiet for an extended period of time is when he is asleep or watching tv. Because both put his brain in a soothing-like trance. Other than that he moves, he talks, he growls, he chatters, he fidgets, he argues, he appears to have "ants in his pants". These are all behaviors I have seen since he was two years old. But up until this year we always said "he is young, he is a boy, boys are more active" and altough this is true, it didn't explain all his behaviors away.

Here is an explanation of what the difference between what ADD and ADHD is:

ADHD? AD/HD? ADD? ... HUH?
So many names — who wouldn’t be confused? In the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (the DSM-IV, often called the “bible” of psychiatric and psychological diagnosis), it’s written out as “Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder.” Within this diagnosis, however, are four types: Predominantly Inattentive, Predominantly Hyperactive-Impulsive, Combined, and Not Otherwise Specified (NOS). “ADHD” or “AD/HD” may be used to refer to any of the four types — even those with no symptoms of Hyperactivity — because in the DSM-IV they’re all included under the same heading. (Confusing, isn’t it?!) In order to decrease the confusion, some of us use “ADD” to refer to the Predominantly Inattentive type of ADHD.
But it gets even more confusing! Some people use “ADD” to refer to all ADHD, because they’re referring to adults (where the Hyperactivity is less common), or because it’s simply easier to say, or because they think the “disorder” is misnamed in the first place.
As clinicians, when we work with a specific client, we make sure to use the term that makes the most sense for that particular person; and we make sure to explain which term we’re using and why. Here in this newsletter, we’ll use both “ADHD” and “ADD” depending on context. And we’ll wait patiently for a day when the powers that be create more accurate diagnostic names! (Any suggestions?)

Within this diagnosis, Isaac is "Hyperactive-Impulsive Combined".

And here is an explanation of what ADHD symptoms would look like in a child (taken from this website:

Diagnostic Criteria for AD/HD in Children (DSM-III-R)
If your child exhibits at least eight of the following behaviors for at least a six-month period, consider an evaluation by a team of AD/HD professionals. Click on The Hallowell Center for more information.

Often fidgets with hands or feet or squirms in seat (in adolescents or adults) and may be limited to subjective feelings of restlessness.
Has difficulty remaining in seat when asked to do so.
Is easily distracted by extraneous stimuli.
Often blurts out answers to questions before they have been completed.
Has difficulty following through on instructions from others.
Often shifts from one uncompleted activity to another.
Has difficulty playing quietly.
Often talks excessively.
Often interrupts or intrudes on others.
Often does not seem to listen to what is being said to him or her.
Often loses things necessary for tasks or activities at school or at home.
Often engages in physically dangerous activities without considering possible consequences.

Now we have a legitimate explanation. And the sad part for me comes in with the fact that the label of "ADHD" has received such a bad rap. We think of kids put on medications that numb them, kids having trouble in the classroom, trouble with their peers, trouble in general.

And I do not want that for my child.

It seems that more and more boys especially are receiving this diagnosis and having to live with the social consequences of wearing that label. I don't want that for him.

We will be exploring this more with another therapist this fall, but for now we will continue with the biofeedback and I will blog about ADHD in general as I learn more about it and the ways in which I can help my child succeed. The Dr. yesterday said that we are lucky that he does not exhibit Oppositional Defiant Disorder, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (yet at least), and aggressiveness. He noted that when he is told to do something he for the most part complies, maybe after a moment or so or he may only hold that compliance for 15 seconds, but at least he complies, and doesn't fight us on it. Many of his patients do not. He actually said based on the month he has spent with us that he "credits" our parenting for that. He said if it wasn't for our very structured home and high expectations he would likely be far worse on the behavior spectrum then he is. That was a relief as I told him often times we feel like we are too hard on Isaac. He said "with kids from these backgrounds you have to be. Your interactions are firm but appropriate and he feels safe in your structure. Kids who feel safe don't have to be in control." I said I feel like I nag him constantly to "pick up his pjs...no your pjs....Isaac, right here in your hamper please....Isaac why have you not picked up your pj's yet?" or "come here...no here. Walk with me Isaac don't run ahead. Isaac!!!"He said that these constant reminders are actually ways of training his brain to do what is right. His impulses are firing off at a rapid rate "run! move! go! touch that! dump that! grab that!" and our constant reminders of "don't do that. leave it alone, clean that mess up please" are ways of helping him to train his brain to make those right choices in a way that he can self regulate, so we one day will not have to be so vigilant. The trick for me is to not lose my patience, me temper...or my mind!

Well- I will continue to post about this topic for us to process it and for our family members and those in contact with Isaac to gain a better understanding of what on earth is making him tick! For now I leave you with my sweet boy, whom to me is practically perfect in every way.

I mean he is just a boy, right?!

Biofeedback

Isaac has begun doing Biofeedback (also called Neurofeedback when it is specifically targeted at the brain) two times a week. We have to drive a ways to go to it, but it is worth it because Lutheran Social Services picks up the tab! LSS is an adoption support network put in place by the state to aide families who have adopted from foster care. They reimburse us for summer camps for Isaac and have even sent us on a weekend marriage seminar at the Doubletree!

Anyway- so now they have funding available for Isaac to try these treatments. Our goal is to help his brain regulate a little better so he can focus and control his impulses. He can be very hyper. This therapy has shown to be effective in children who have had trauma/substance exposure in utero. So for the next 3 months we will be praying this helps! This is a picture of him getting his initial work-up or Brain Map as they call it. I am looking forward to hearing the diagnosis of that. His therapies consist of him wearing headphones and a few nodes being placed on his forehead and earlobes. Then he listens to beeps in the headphone and a computer screen tracks how well his brain is responding. These are 20 min. sessions.

Here is some info. I found online to better explain it:

Neurofeedback therapy is a particular kind of biofeedback treatment that involves using electrodes. The electrodes are attached to a patient's forehead in order to record and amplify the brainwave signals being produced. These signals are fed into a biofeedback device that produces a visual display of the person's brainwave patterns, which the patient and biofeedback practitioner can review together.

Through multiple sessions of therapy the patient learns, with the help of the biofeedback therapists, how to make changes to their own brainwave activity. As brainwave activity undergoes changes, the resulting physiological changes can also be observed and measured, providing the patient with a clearer understanding of the mind-body connection and their own potential and power to control even the subtle systems of their body.

Neurofeedback therapy has been shown to be a very effective way to address many different symptoms, such as those related to anxiety, attention span, depression, anger management, sleep-loss, stress, attention deficit disorder and hyperactivity. The emphasis of most biofeedback therapists is on reducing the patient's symptoms and increasing their long-term personal success

HERE is the article if you want to read it.

From the time we chose to adopt Isaac and learned of his history, we committed ourselves to doing all that we can to help him achieve in life. We feel incredibly blessed that he is as healthy and happy as he is. Many parents deal with a lot worse. In the past we have done occupational therapy to help his sensory issues, but after awhile his hyperactivity and other issues were not getting better with that therapy so now we are trying this! We will continue to do what we can to help him be the best Isaac he can be!