My friend Kimberly brought her baby, Levi over to visit with us this week! And SPOILED Jasmine with gifts and a gift card, thank you for that! They are looking forward to having their son's adoption finalized this month. Woohoo!!
He is just 7 months older then Jasmine. Now, normally I do not believe in pairing kids off at this young of an age by calling their friends "future boyfriend" and such...but in the case of this cutie,
it would be a match made in Heaven!!
it would be a match made in Heaven!! Why? One- He is being raised in a Christian home. Two-he is African American (imagine the super cute brown grandbabies!!) and Three- he is also an Adoptee. See what I mean by perfect?
All joking aside, I mentioned to Kimberly that the thought occured to me once about how the "losses" in adoption do not really ever end. I projected into the future at my children getting married and having babies. I thought to myself, itheir children will be biologically related to them AND their inlaws, but not to me or Billy. Now, of course we put no stock in DNA to be a family. But what if my children's inlaws do? Will this cause issues of people not considering us "real" grandparents or their siblings "real" aunts and uncles? That made me feel sad, for them and us. I am not worried about it though because of course it is so far into the future, but mostly because the Lord has paved a way for us in the now as their parents, and He will pave a way for us with their future families as well. It is just one more thing to think about as an adoptive family!
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9 friends commented!:
Kimberly is beautiful and Levi is a cutie. I poppped on over to her blog.
I guess I don't think of adoption as a loss but as a gain! Boy your baby is soooo cute!
Yes I see adoption as a host of gains too...we gained amazing children and the ability to be parents, and they gained a forever family. But I think it is necessary and healthy to see adoption as a whole picture including the losses- the loss of being pregnant with your children, the loss of possibly their first year of life, the loss to them of their biological relatives, the loss of birthparents to their offspring, and the loss of adoptive parents to biological children...just to name a few! Of course we do not live in the losses, but do recognize our children may experience moments of grief for their losses throughout their lifetime- as we will ours.
Laurie,
You touched on something that I have been pondering as my husband and I inch toward adoption. I don't worry about raising children not biologically related to me (nor does hubby) but as we move closer to deciding on all the specifics we are open to (special needs, race, etc) this question has me thinking. How would I feel if my grandchildren are a different race? When that nuclear family becomes different from my own. That my family's tree diverges completely from a German with a touch of American Indian.
Do not misunderstand me-We are very open to children of other races becoming our children. It's a thought process going on here. I think because I am researching my family tree (ancestory com)...and I never thought past this generation until now in terms of adoption.
Can you offer any words of wisdom?
We'll be knocking on your door some day for your youngest son. :-)
I have to say I have never thought about that part of marriage for our children. I've wondered how the inlaws would accept us especially if Isabel chooses to marry an African American man though.
One of the losses I didn't think about until after Isabel came home and we had issues with my mom was that our parents had to grieve the loss of biological grandchildren but they didn't have the choice.
Chicory,
You've got to picture your (an) AA baby boy as a black man and be ok w/ that. You've got to picture your future daughter in law as a possible different race and be ok with that. You have to picture your grandkids in shades and be ok with that. (I'm not preaching, I'm just using 'you'...something we all should think about)
And it seems helpful and good to picture it as your nuclear family not becoming/being different from yours, but a part of yours! A new part of your family heritage. Your family tree (and mine) will have beautiful shades and backgrounds and stories and histories that we can take pride in!
I think it is very important as Chicory said to project way into the future before you make those decisions. But also know that even if your child is of the same race, they are still a fork in the family tree because their biological heritage is different from anyone else in the family. But when you married your husband, you got all of his family too and your child's family history can be viewed in the same way. Also- I think you taking this seriously shows that you may just be ready for some color in your family! To notice that NO, we are not "all the same" and thank you God for it! I read a quote that said "Adoption is Colorblind" and i said- NO it is not!! We are not to be blind to our children's color or heritage, but are to see it as a beautiful tapestry of God's Creation and plan for our family. Ultimately, if you believe that I do that the Lord has already predestined who your children will be. Then in that light- their ethnicity, color of skin, gender, etc. play much less significant roles in our decision making.
OH my gosh he handsome!
We had such a great time with you last week!! Jasmine and Levi look adorable together.
My mind did wonder a little bit...I thought what IF, just what IF they were to get married some day...We could so show that picture of them together as a "couple" LOL
I am sure your husband is not allowing either of your girls to date until they are at least 30, so please don't tell him I said that! :)
Thank you for your thoughts... I know my husband will be thinking these same thoughts eventually (or perhaps he already is but has not shared them). It's a good conversation for us to have. There are so many things to think about and, while I know adopting ANY child of any race would be a divergence of our tree... I think it's acceptance (of us, of our family as a whole) down the road-both our childrens and their future families that got me thinking.
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