I don't have much of an update to share as far as our adoption of K is going.
I got an email from his caseworker saying she has not done anything towards it. That frustrated me for several days and I sent her a very blunt email detailing exactly why this was an issue.
I have not heard back.
I guess I will be contacting her supervisor next week.
School started for everyone and K is as diligent as I expected he would be in doing his homework for hours and making sure to get up and dressed and out of the door on time. Basketball try outs began and he is happy that he chose to forgo football, because this has given him a chance to get to know the Bball coach and to possibly be selected for one of the coveted spots on the team.
I fiercely love and adore this boy, but I will be honest to say this has not been an easy two months as we have all adjusted. I have chosen not to air his dirty laundry here or on FB as to why it has been difficult because I want to respect his privacy. I will say though that his struggle with female authority, huge ego, and need for control has caused us daily angst.
Adopting a teenager is not for the weary.
I have had to go up against people's opinions about how we should parent him, I have been criticized for taking things too seriously with him and on the other hand have been coached to be even tougher.
Thankfully, I have always parented with my intuition and instincts along with the complete participation and support of a very involved husband and father...so I know we will get through this.
I also believe it will be years, not months of intense work with him and most days I do not feel like I have the strength to go at it all over again.
Fighting with your child because you are fighting for them is hands down the toughest part of parenting.
I am thankful for my support system and strong church family who walk me through the tough times. I am mostly thankful for a God who is with me in the fire and in the flood as we sang at church on Sunday. When I think I am failing and too weak to go on, that is when He is able to use me the most to do mighty things.
As I work on building a strong relationship with my new son with all the odds stacked against us, I know I can only accomplish this through the One who sent His Son to die on a cross.
Please friends, would you pray for our family as we struggle to live and love and raise up Godly men and women? Please pray that my own sin and failures will not hinder my children's home discipleship. Please pray that when I take upon myself the heavy burden of their sins that I would be willing to cast my sorrows upon those God has put in my life as help: my friends and church family...instead of trying to fix it in my own strength.
And would you do one more thing for me?
Please leave a comment about how I can pray for you and your family...or just your name. As we come together to lift up our cares to God, there will be strength in our common bond.
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13 friends commented!:
Hope things get better for you. Teens are tough and we have a kid who did not even go through the terrible twos! He is different now. As far as praying for others, maybe get invoiced with their lives on FB and let them know you care about their family too.
Prayers headed your way. You have a precious and miraculous family.
barb
I have been praying for your family and will continue too! Adoption in general isn't for the weak, But with Christ as our anchor we can do anything through Him!! Our family could use prayers for back to school and beyond. Our infant adoption has been finalized and we look to God for strength for what our future will bring. Our older two start school tomorrow which is exciting today but will bring anxiety tomorrow. Thanks so much!
Praying for you and your family! We are heading to get our daughter soon and we could use some prayers in that direction.
If you want to follow our travels in October email me at k@steveandkureen.com for the password: http://excitedtobeafamily.wordpress.com/
Barb-Thank you, I DO get involved with lots of friends on FB and comment often. My readership here is broad...on FB it is people I know.
Laurie:
I so totally understand what you are going through as we deal with the same things with our son Sam who came home from India in 2005 and is now 16..and with him it is also developmental and physical issues to deal with.I also have people telling me we are either too soft or too harsh and it is so hard to find that middle ground but as you said God is the big provider and also director for our needs and I will be praying for you. I too have a strong support in my husband and church family..And we have also come to the point where we are getting some outside help so if you could pray that we could get some help from them that would be appeciated.They are coming to our house tomorrow. You are doing a good job and he knows you care even if he might not want to admit it (o: and that is what is important.
Leveta--wife to Carl,mom to Chad 20 (bio) Sam 16 and Kaitrin 13 both from India through Dillon International.
My mom told me when Isabel came home to just smile and nod at the advice and then do what we and or our doctor says we should be doing.
Very different bringing a teenager home I know but I know the same advice applies. You have done a great job with all your kids so far and you are doing great with K and will continue to do so. He hasn't been parented properly for years or possibly forever so it's obviously hard for him. But I know you and Billy are up to the challenges. And I know God will continue to lift you up and strengthen you in the areas you need and bring people to your side that will be able to help you and be there for you.
Continue to rely on your friends. Vent to those that care (I'm one of them!!!) when you need to. We pray for you all often so it's good to know a direction of how to pray.
As for us, well we're more exhausted in every way possible then we ever have been before and being attacked in many ways. Just because she's a baby doesn't mean it's been easy. Just means she's been easy to make room for all the other hard stuff.
Laurie,
I have to admit, when I saw you were taking on a teenager, my heart cringed for you a bit. I know that not everyone's experience adopting older children will be as hard or tramautizing as ours was, but I would hate to see anyone, especially a friend, go through that kind of pain. But I know that God knows what He is doing placing K in your home and leading you and Billy to be his parents, so I am trusting God with you and for you.
On the parenting advice thing, STICK TO YOUR GUNS! We had so many people try to tell us that we were being to tough on our older boys, but I knew how I had been trained and what I had to do to create a safe environment for them, and I stuck to it! It's worth it, because they are worth it.
As for prayers, we are in the waiting game for our two littles, waiting for them to become legally free so we can finish the process of adopting them. Please pray that this goes smoothly and that all "hiccups" in the court system will be avoided.
Blessings!
Hannah
Thank you for your honesty, it's refreshing to hear how it really is. Your love is so strong, that and God can carry you through the tough times. Parenting a teen is HARD whether they joined your family at birth or any age! You can pray for us: that our 2nd child comes home soon.
This is a work of great magnitude and importance you've taken on . . . and definitely not for the faint of heart. I love how you are dedicated to his best, even when he doesn't understand that, or pushes against it. And I love how you respect his privacy -- how honoring! You're doing a great thing.
I will certainly be praying for you and your family! We would appreciate prayers for our newest child, waiting in her birth country. She has some special needs, and we would appreciate prayers that we would be ready to deal with whatever comes our way.
Nancy
Please know I am praying for your family...
As I was reading about your oldest, I see my step-son. He's 13 and just been in trouble with the law. This is not my sweet, still builds forts in the basement, little boy. We have a huge road of redemption, understanding, trust building and growth ahead of us. I am believing that God will move a mountian in our family (and the courts). Thanks for offering to pray!
Praying for you friend. Dhati is out of town all week and was out last week too....parenting in general can be overwhelming. Add other peoples struggles and insecurities to our own fallen-ness, and seems like we are destined for failure. But God... Hang in there. I will continue to pray, I am inspired by you guys and praise God for you. You can be praying for my patience with the kids and for our family to continue to mess together.
your blog has always been such a sweet encouragement to read! i admire you & your hubby's love for your beautiful children. my hubby is a pastor (in alabama), we'll be praying for y'all!!!
I love your blog, I read it every chance that I get. I love how you love the Lord and it can be visibly seen through your blog posts. Your family is in my prayers. Keep your hand in God's hand you will be okay :).
Can you pray for me because I am currently in the nursing program at my local community college and it's really tough.
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