Monday Book Review

Amidst my mad dash to get these Easter posts typed out before they are "so yesterday"...I feel obligated to give you the book review I promised!!

Toddler Adoption, The Weaver's Craft by Mary Hopkins-Best was published way back in 1997...which honestly feels like a lifetime ago. I was in my first year of college to put it in perspective. So I really wish there was a more updated version of this book because the topic is SO needed in our age of adoption. And this is the only book on the subject that I know of. I know what you are thinking, "Well write one, Laurie!" Oh sure...in ALL my spare time! No really, why reinvent the wheel right?

Now that I have said that, I will tell you this book is really great and incredibly thorough. It is a must-read in my opinion for anyone adopting a child over one year of age...including older kids! Chapter 2 realy explores all of the aspects that can make toddler adoption tough...exploring "Is this right for you?" But do NOT let that chapter scare you off because then comes the fun parts! I particuraly like the part about Building a Sense of Entitlement...you know this little rituals that make you your child's parent, and them your child. The author shares the scenario of the "Sisterhood" of mothers amongst total strangers that pregnant women naturally get to join as their waistline expands. Adoptive/waiting moms have to sort of invite themselves in by talking openly about their plans and what little they may know about the child they are waiting for. This gives these moms-to-be the feeling of excitement and anticipation that they too deserve.

Toddler Adoption also explores what sorts of things are helpful for an older child who is entering your family...ways to build attachment and trust...along with ways to facilitate discipline. I have always said that the unique thing about adopting an older child is the need to both bond and discipline from day one. With a newborn you spend the first several months just bonding. This creates a connection to which discipline is not something that a parent should worry about ruining their relationship to their child. But disciplining a child to whom you are both caregiver and stranger to, is a delicate dance in those first days and weeks. There is also a chapter on "Parenting the Grieving Toddler", something I could have used with our very first foster daughter who to this day has been our only child to grieve the abscence of her birthmother.

I highly recommend this book for those fostering and adopting children who are not newborns. You will find something here that applies to your situation and it will be an invaluable tool to look back on to if something comes up that you need more guidance on.

Book Review Monday

Today, I am reviewing a series of books we own by the same author, Sandra Pinkney.

I had a friend Facebook msg. me about what books I would recommend that feature children of other races. These would be my number one recommendation because they depict photos of real children. Now- the storyline is pretty non existant, but the purpose of these books is clearly to celebrate ethnicity, and they do that well!

This book has children of all different races and ends with the line, "colors, colors! They're in everything I see! We are the rainbow, you and me!" I think this book is especially important for multiracial families.

Enjoy reading to your kids!

Book Review Monday

Did you think I forgot? Or maybe you thought I was too busy with a baby to read? Nope! and Nope! This particular book was sent to me from the publisher who has been inviting adoption blogs to do a "Blog Tour" for them, reviewing and promoting this revised edition. It is very professionally written and published, and being that the paperback edition retails for $16.95, I feel very blessed to own a copy. I would describe Adoption Nation, by Adam Pertman as the textbook on adoption. The advertisement for the book reads, "Adoption Nation: How the Adoption Revolution is Transforming Our Families – and America (The Harvard Common Press, April 2011, 352 pages, ISBN 978-1-55832-716-0, $16.95 paperback) takes on the challenge of explaining the historic changes enveloping us all – and does so with a unique combination of engaging prose, gripping stories, insightful perspective and exceptional research." The author has been on "Oprah", "The View" and appeared in "People"magazine, discussing the first edition he wrote of this book.

Adoption Nation is not going to tell you how to adopt, or necessarily motivate you to adopt. It is not one sided, it is not Faith based, it is not even just a personal account from an adoptive parent, although the author is an adoptive parent. What this book will do is take you through the maze that is adoption today in this country, from the reasons why people choose adoption to the myths and realities of adoption...all the way to the diversity which is seen in special needs and trans racial adoptions. The author states, "The good news is that the revolution, fueled by greater knowledge and philosophical changes in the field, is shaking the public system to its core, with potentially huge consequences for adoption and our nation." p. 31. I recommend this book to anyone whose life has been forever changed by adoption, and wants to be on the cutting edge of all the information. I recommend this to couples who are wondering if adoption is right for their family. Why? Because the author takes on all the controversies of adoption from the aspect of adoptees and their search for identity, to the deep emotional pain of birthparents who relinquish...all the way to the stories of Baby Richard and Baby Jessica...children "taken back" by their biological parents...every adoptive parents worst nightmare. As the author recounts he and his wife's own journey to adopting, he writes chilling and so very real lines such as "No one who hasn't confronted infertility can fully grasp the raw brutality of being deprived of something so fundamental as the ability to reproduce." p 176. I said to myself "Wow," when I read that. Pertman also touches on the reform within the foster care system and how this has made it easier for couples to choose this route to parenthood. But he also points out that the legality of this process also leaves many, many couples fearful and therefor they choose an international adoption as a more sure thing. He brings up the expansive cost of adoption, adoption scams, and then educates us about the Hague Convention. And through all of this, the author weaves real stories of families both hurt and thrilled by their own adoption journeys. It is real and raw with no pretenses. If you have been desiring a book that will shed a huge light on the whole picture of adoption, this is the book for you! It is not necessarily an easy read, because it makes you think. But, I highly recommend it for the insight the author conveys and the very precise research he has done to pull together a book that you can really trust is giving you accurate information. And on that note, the publishers have offered to do a BOOK GIVEAWAY right here on my blog!! They will send a free copy of Adoption Nation to a lucky commenter whose number is drawn at random by none other than Isaac, of course! So leave any comment you want to with an email address or blog page...and I will announce the winner on Friday, and contact them for their address. If I get a large response, I may just choose TWO winners to receive books! Check out the author and Adoption Nation at http://www.adampertman.com/. This is one read you do NOT want to miss out on!!

Book Review Monday

In the past month, we have been sent a few books by authors who desire that we read and review their books. I am going to spend the months leading up to Summer vacation using Mondays as a day to post about the books I have been reading. Some will be adult books, some will be children's books we were given or love, some may even be an article I read that I wanted to pass along. Today I am reviewing a book sent to us by author and adoptive mother Elisabeth O' Toole, titled In On It: What adoptive parents would like you to know about adoption. A Guide For Relatives and Friends. Copyright 2011.

This book is an easy read and at less than 200 pages, is small enough to not overwhelm even the least of your reading relatives. The topics cover an adoptive families decision to adopt, issues like Adoption and Loss, what the process and paperwork look like for an adoptive family all the way to what to do when the family's child comes home. Each chapter ends with "What you can do" and gives helpful tips to encourage and support your loved ones throughout their adoption process. I especially liked the suggestions to offer to host a shower, treat them like any new parents, and advice to "refrain from asking about the child's personal history". Ms. O'Toole also addresses what not to say to an adoptive family like "your child is so lucky to have you!" and "As soon as you adopt you will get pregnant". She then follows it up with suggestions of what would be appropriate to say: "How can I help" and " I would love to hear your adoption story!" She points out that adoption is wrought with stress and worry and insecurities, so to add to an adoptive families already swirling emotions by saying or asking annoying questions (albeit well meaning) does not help, but adds to the stress. She finishes up by encouraging friends and families to read and research adoption issues, positive adoption language, and the like to become an advocate for your loved ones and their adoptions. She makes a great point that you too will receive questions from strangers about the adoption.

I really liked this book! It was very thorough, covering many bases that I would have wanted all of our family and friends to know. She adds personal stories and humor to keep the reader moving along. I recommend this to anyone who desires for their circle of support to be "In on It!" On her website, www.InOnAdoption.com, Elisabeth O' Toole offers a way to order multiple copies to disperse out. I think it is also important to point out that she states a portion of the proceeds from the sale of this book support national and international efforts of children awaiting adoption.