Vivianna's 7th Birthday ~ Slumber Party Themed

Last night was Vivianna's birthday party!

 

Six girls came over.

 

 

We shipped the boys off for the night and my sweet friend Heather came over and helped. What a lifesafer she was, cause this party wore. me. out.

 

 After all of the screaming commensed....

OMG....Heidi is here! Ahhh!!!!

for every single girl that arrived,

we settled them down to decorate fabric bags.

 

After their bags were done, the girls went to the party favor bar.

 

 



 

The bar included all stuff I was able to find at Dollar Tree (Score!!)...

 Rainbow Looms and Ring Pops.

 Sleep masks and night owl stickers.

 Jelly bracelets and Reeses

 head bands and socks.

 

Then everyone put on their sleep masks...

 

And did blindfold makeovers!

 

 

 This was so hilarious and a big hit. They laughed and shrieked.

 

 After that we ate cookie cake and the girls drank Cherry 7-up out of the cutest plastic mason jars with lids and straws that I found at...

you guessed it, Dollar Tree!

 

We discovered that cake banners do not work in

 flat cookie cakes. Oops.

Every girl brought a doll or stuffed animal and I served them with little appetizer ware that I bought on clearance in Dec.

 

Then Vivi opened her gifts and we played freeze pillow fight, Twister, keep your balloons in the air and charades.

 

 A friend brought costumes from the movie Frozen which of course Vivi adored because that is what they watched!

 

 

 

While enjoying the popcorn and candy bars.

The girls all belted out the entire soundtrack late into the night.

 

Then when it was time to go to sleep, I gave them all glow bracelets and settled them in.

They talked FOREVER...no one got much sleep!

 

Morning came way too soon as I heard them all chattering well before the sun was up.

 

The girls were too happy to be with each other.

 

 

 I served up breakfast, they watched Barbie and made Rainbow loom bracelets and then headed home.

 

 

It was a success. There were no tears and no drama. 

Vivi had a blast and her friends declared it the best slumber party ever...

nevermind that it was all of their first!

 

I see many, many more of these in our future.

 

 

FB page

Hey Friends!

Did you all know I have a Facebook page for my blog?

Well, I do.

It all started when my address was stolen by a cyber squatter and I had to figure out a way to let my readers know that I had changed back to blogspot.

Glad we worked all that out.

It was stressful.

Lots of times I will post links, photos, and other things that are on my mind to that FB page that never make it to this blog. I have really been honored by the way the page has taken off lately....so last night, I asked my readers to leave a comment saying where they are reading from.

The comments have been awesome, thanks Y'all.

 I would love for everyone to join in the fun too!!

So please go leave a comment:

https://www.facebook.com/AdoptionCreatesFamilies

And as a small heads up...you long time readers know how I love to do a:

SPRING GIVEAWAY

Well...Spring is upon us very soon and the giveaway will be announced first on my FB page, so go hit "Like" and you will be the very first readers to receive notice of my annual giveaway, and will also be alerted when a new post is published on my blog.

Don't ya just LOVE Facebook. :)

Mediocrity in Motherhood

Are you wondering what is UP with the title of this post.

I thought I would ease you in gently, BUT...
this has needed to be said to my generation of wife and mothers for awhile now.
So as is my typical fashion, I'm just going to say it.

Moms ~ quit being mediocre.
And please lets stop encouraging our friends to do the same.
 

You know who you are. 

It seems to be the latest trend on social media sites, for mothers to post article upon article expounding upon the notion that we do not need to be perfect moms.

"Make life easy on yourselves!"

"Take some Me-Time!"

"Your kids don't care if you don't make them heart shaped pancakes."

"Just be YOU."

These moms post funny things like this on FB:

I don't know what this lady is holding. A giant plate of party food?

Not sure.
Or more importantly...why she is so threatened by the reindeer treat making moms.
She doesn't think she can make reindeers?
She has tried and they became a big sloppy mess:

LOL....Oooops.
 Sad.
 We have all been there.
Trust me.
And we have cried buckets over the mess we have made, and
 the wasted time we took to do it.

That is okay, Moms.

No one said you had to be perfect!!
But, look... when you chose to take on the role of being a wife and mother, was it really to stay in your pajamas all day? Was it really to have piles of laundry all over the place and dirty dishes in the sink?

Did you dream of growing up and being a mediocre wife and mother?

Have you convinced yourself your husband doesn't care?
That your kids don't care.
Cause I bet they do.

Have you told yourself:
"I'm not good at that stuff."

"I just can't do it. That's good for you, Laurie. But its just not me."

Why do we sell ourselves so short in life, ladies?
And why sell your family short too?

When I was a college single, the big trend then was that we all wanted to be "Proverbs 31 Women".
We poured over those verses and dreamed about the day we could make our husbands a dinner Martha Stewart would be proud of and host our kids birthday parties.

We very much believed our life's worth would be found in homemaking, to the glory of our Lord.
It was not something we were going to "settle for" or that society told us we "had to be".

We wanted it.
We prayed for it.
And our dreams came true the day we found it.

Yet, somewhere over the years of dirty diapers and sticky floors and busy schedules...aching backs, and cluttered kitchens....
we Christian women have deviated from our ideal to the path of least resistance.

And when we got lost, we thought others should come along with us.
To make us feel better about our sorry housekeeping skills.
Or secret spending habits.
Or lame celebrations.

And as we have gotten deeper into the pit of laziness (yeah, I said it)...we have gotten highly annoyed at the moms who didn't get sucked in too.
We started hiding from those moms who post pictures of their kids adorable homemade Halloween costumes and Back to School breakfasts.
They annoyed us.
They exhausted us.
They just plain ticked us off.

Have you ever wondered why?

Maybe because, dear friends....you have lost your way.

Lost in your cell phones and friendships and hobbies.
Lost in unfinished projects, and mundane chores, and children's books read a thousand times.
Your inspiration to BE and DO is gone.

I am not here to discourage you.
I am here to say:

Come alive!
Be renewed in your spirit.
You can do this.

I want to see us begin to encourage one another in Excellence.
In any job you have had, weren't you more satisfied when you pursued excellence?
Didn't it feel good to have someone say, "Job well done, friend!"

I'm not telling you what that will look like for you or your family.
That is certainly not my place.
BUT...I can encourage you with this:

Friends...if you know me, you know my passion is my family.
Making our house a home.
Making memories with my children that will last them a lifetime.
And I go to great lengths to do that.

Often times I fail miserably.
I burn stuff.
Like food...and my fingers with the glue gun, for example.

I drop things, I lose things, I break things.
I shed loads of frustrated and disappointed tears.
I have baskets of laundry too.
I forget to feed the dogs, my bathroom goes a tad too long without a cleaning.
I get it.

I really do.
It's tough being a Mom every. single. day.
With no end in sight.

But we do it.
So why not enjoy the fruits of our labor?

My kids can often be heard saying,
"Mom! What happened here?"
And we all laugh and they cough down my burnt creations and
 proclaim I've done better and beg me never to try that again.
 
Making memories, people.
For better and worse.

I wish I could say I handle these disasters with grace.
But not so much.
Ask my kids about the "Dinner Rice Incident of Fall 2013".
It was bad, guys.
Bad.

But I try.

I have dozens upon dozens of times I have nailed it.
And that feels good.

Vivi paid me the ultimate compliment when she came home from school and the Valentine mantel was all done up in its red and pink glory.

So...my 6 year old daughter says,
"Wow, Mom. You always make the holidays special."
I teared up a little as I thanked her.

No pay check anywhere can buy how good that feels...

Does it make me a better mom than another because I strive to do better?
No.
It just makes me a purposeful mom.
Isn't that what we all want to be?

 Proverbs 31
( from Bible gateway)
says....

Epilogue: The Wife of Noble Character

^10 [b]A wife of noble character who can find?
    She is worth far more than rubies.
¹¹ Her husband has full confidence in her
    and lacks nothing of value.
¹² She brings him good, not harm,
    all the days of her life.
¹³ She selects wool and flax
    and works with eager hands.
¹⁴ She is like the merchant ships,
    bringing her food from afar.
¹⁵ She gets up while it is still night;
    she provides food for her family
    and portions for her female servants.
¹⁶ She considers a field and buys it;
    out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
¹⁷ She sets about her work vigorously;
    her arms are strong for her tasks.
¹⁸ She sees that her trading is profitable,
    and her lamp does not go out at night.
¹⁹ In her hand she holds the distaff
    and grasps the spindle with her fingers.
²⁰ She opens her arms to the poor
    and extends her hands to the needy.
²¹ When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
    for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
²² She makes coverings for her bed;
    she is clothed in fine linen and purple.
²³ Her husband is respected at the city gate,
    where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.
²⁴ She makes linen garments and sells them,
    and supplies the merchants with sashes.
²⁵ She is clothed with strength and dignity;
    she can laugh at the days to come.
²⁶ She speaks with wisdom,
    and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
²⁷ She watches over the affairs of her household
    and does not eat the bread of idleness.
²⁸ Her children arise and call her blessed;
    her husband also, and he praises her:
²⁹ “Many women do noble things,
    but you surpass them all.”
³⁰ Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
    but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
³¹ Honor her for all that her hands have done,
    and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

Do you see in these verses the virtues of wife and mother you want to be?

Hardworking, frugal, prepared, wise, joy filled, diligent, a sense of humor,
purposeful, creative, generous, savvy, servant hearted, and more.

What would our relationships look like if we were inspired by one another instead of discouraged.
I have several mom friends who inspire the socks off of me.
I don't want to be them.
I'm me.

But I am so encouraged by the care at which they go about keeping their home, teaching their children, loving and respecting their husbands.

And I am honored that I have friends who see me the same way.

I made these Valentines for Vivi and posted them to Facebook:

Several moms loved them and wanted to do them for their kids.
So I made up about a dozen more templates with their kids names on them and emailed them to all the friends who wanted it. They were thrilled.

They weren't threatened by our homemade Valentines.
They were inspired.

One Mom emailed back, "Thanks for making me look like a Rockstar Mom."
You are very welcome. 

I had another friend call today from across the country, and she told me that she was inspired by me to do up a wonderful spread for her kids on Valentines Day. She said they were surprised and delighted and that she even got a smile and cooperation for the whole day out of her teen son. Woohoo!

I told her she had filled up his love tank.
Maybe he couldn't articulate that, but he felt it.
It makes ALL the difference.

I had a similar experience with Keishun.
On the 13th I got mad at him for coming home late.
 But the next day he came home from school to see this:

Within 30 minutes he texted 
both Billy and I:
"Happy Valentine's Day Mom and Dad!! Love you!
Think of me while you are out eating and having fun tonight."

Billy texted back:
"Who's this?"

hahahaha...

It was a delightful moment.
Billy said to me, "you know its because of all that stuff you put in his bathroom, don't you."
I smiled.

Yeah...I know.

These things make a difference in the life of your family, friends.

Lets stop putting down Pinterest Moms.
Be secure in who YOU are.
It's okay if your Easter bunny rolls look evil.

 My boys would take one look at that and go,
"You made Pikachu rolls, thanks Mom."

Ha....sure guys.
That's what I was going for all along.

Let us inspire and encourage one another to Greatness.
Tap into what made you want to be a wife and mother in the first place.

Refocus what it is God has you to do on this earth.

I believe quite possibly it is sitting right in front of you at the breakfast table. 

A Life Worth Living

 A local church put out crosses to represent the 1404 babies aborted in our County in 2011. 

This happens to be the year Jasmine was born.

 The statistics for black babies who are aborted is far greater than any other ethnicity. 

WE cannot stand in support of adoption, if we do not stand in support of the movement to end abortion. 

People say that no woman should be forced to be a mother.

As an adoptive mother, I couldn't agree more.

People say that a fetus is just a mass of cells...

People say that abortion is better than one more child on welfare.

That abortion is better than another child in foster care...or abused.

That abortion is far better than overpopulation.

Jasmine would disagree.

Lessons Learned In Parenting A Teenager

We are now 18 months past bringing home our son Keishun at the age of 15 from the foster care system. We were mentioning to our pastor one day that we feel as though this second year has brought about bigger challenges in the areas of discipline and guidance than the first year home did. 

He said,

 "Sounds like the Terrible Twos!"

That statement is so true.

I thought you all might be interested in some lessons I have learned in parenting a teenager....so here goes:

Lesson #1 ~ It is really okay if doors get slammed. They do not need to be taken off the hinges as some may recommend. Your house is strong enough to sustain it. BUT... we have come to find out that cell phone service can be shut off at 5 pm on a Wednesday if need be. 

Lesson #2 ~ If you tell your teen you are going to do something, you had better be prepared that they will call your bluff. So don't say stupid stuff like, "If you don't like my rules, you can leave." Cause they can't. You have made a commitment to see them to adulthood when you adopted them as a teenager. They have had enough people quit on them. 

Don't be one of them.
There are other ways of getting them to obey 
other than theatrical threats.
For one, they like all their niceties. 
They become real compliant when these things suddenly begin to disappear from their bedrooms and held "hostage" by parents who are tired of being disobeyed.
Just sayin'.

Lesson #3 ~ Learn who your kid hangs out with. Get their cell phone numbers. Get their addresses. Get their parents cell phone numbers. Get their friends' girlfriends cell phone numbers. Get their teachers emails. Get their coach's numbers. Get social security numbers of everyone your kid has ever spoken to. 

(Just kidding....kind of). Trust me, you will need this information one day and you will be glad you were so nosy to track it all down.

Lesson #4 ~ Your teen wants you to like them. They do. Even if they are rude and sassy and loud. They delight in your compliments and seek your approval...on their good days. Of course these days only come once every 23 days or so...so make sure to really pump them with praise when it happens. 

Lesson #5 ~ Do not take yourself so seriously. If they say "Mom. you are crazy." Say..."Why thank you." If they say "You just don't understand highschool." Refrain from reminding them that you were once 17 and pimply faced too. 

Just smile and say, 

"Of course I don't sweetie. Enlighten me."

Lesson #6 ~ They are moody. All. The. Time.

Don't take it personally. It is not about you.

Remember they are tired. After all, a life of sleeping, eating, and playing playstation can be quite exhausting. 

Lesson #7 ~ They will lie.

I know you don't want them to.

But they will.

 Even when telling the truth is no big deal. 

Even when telling the truth makes way more sense then the lie.

They will still lie.

Their pride is at stake.

Lesson #8 ~ Don't think that checking their text logs is enough. They will delete all things that will implicate them.

Become a sleuth even if you think they are doing nothing harmful.

They probably are doing something foolish.

And you need to know about it.

There is a lot more at stake then you may think.

You are not invading their privacy.

You are protecting them from themselves. 

Lesson #9 ~ Remember: Your values are not necessarily theirs. Your sense of morality is being invaded every day by outside forces. Don't bother fretting over it, but don't be in denial either. Stand in the gap between your children and their culture.

Get creative about how you do that. 

Be the kind of mom that kicks butt and takes names.

(All names, actually....remember Lesson #3?)

And finally...I could go on and on...but this blogpost will have to end soon, cause there are other children to raise. 

Which brings me to my last point.

Lesson #10

They will think the world revolves around them and

 their every whim, worry, and want.

It doesn't.

Do not forsake your friendships, marriage, and other children to be at every single one of your teenagers endeavors at all costs. If they are in a 6 game tournament one weekend, you do not have to be at every one. Your little kids do not want to be dragged around eating fast food for 3 meals a day so you can feel like a good mom to one child.

Tag team with your husband or mother, or a mentor.

It is perfectly okay to just say,

 "Good luck, Honey. Text me the final score...see you at the next game!"

I leave you with this:

A New Year: A New Chance For Money Management

I noticed on my sidebar recently that the most popular post has been when I talked about Budgeting for a Family of Six. It's a new year...new you, right people? :)

Well...we are now a family of 7. A lot has changed since that post so I thought a refresher post about finances was in order.

A couple of days ago, I went through our bank drive thru to withdraw cash. When the teller saw that I had specified denominations of 5's, 10's, and 20's she asked if we were having a garage sale. I explained to her that we do the Envelope System of budgeting and what that meant. She asked where she could get more information about that and I told her to check out Crown ministries.org. which is where we have gotten our tips and budget sheets from. 

She said, "So when the cash in your envelope is empty, then you stop spending for that month?" 
Yep. 
I told Billy the conversation reminded me of an SNL skit we saw years ago called Don't Buy Stuff You Can't Afford. It is hilarious...look it up!

For the past 6 years, through obedience to the Lord...we have been able to maintain our money diet and it has transformed our finances. Our story has become a beautiful testimony of how to trade in what doesn't really matter for the things that are eternal.

6 years ago we could not make ends meet.
We had three jobs between us but as new parents we allowed our spending habits to get out of control. We were broke. We were scared. In desperation we began to meet with a financial ministry member from church who told us many hard things and held us accountable to the first year of budgeting, by far the hardest year.

 Because of Jim's guidance in our life, Billy now budgets based on Crown's Income Allocation worksheet. Which says that certain percentages of your income should cover your expenses based on your family size and income. For example a family of 6 making $65,000 a year (it only goes up that high.lol!)  should spend only 32% of their income on housing. I love these percentages because when we were way deep in trouble financially back in 2008, we were able to see that we were spending WAY too much on housing expenses for our little family of 4 based on our income coming in. 

We made the heartbreaking decision (at the time) to sell our house and move into a tiny two bedroom apartment.

 At this time, we also cut up ALL of our credit cards.

Bye bye debt.....

Hello humble living.

That began for us a 5 year journey of paying off our credit card debt and leasing our housing NOT owning.

In that time period we were able to leave the little apartment and rent this house in what has now become our home town.

This four bedroom ranch style house became our beloved home for almost 4 years. I got part time jobs while we lived here. We didn't have to pay a dime for our new carpet, paint, closet doors, washer and dryer, A/C unit, dishwasher, and more. 

Because the landlord footed the bill. 

I have heard people call leasing a house "throwing your money away." Oh but this is just simply not true for everyone. 
Some people are in such financial contraints that they really have no business taking on a mortgage and home repairs.
For us, leasing an apartment and house for five years was one of the very BEST financial decisions we have made to this date.

This freed up our finances to pay down our debt and began what would be 6 years running now of paying for everything in cash.
That is six Christmases with cash only.
No credit cards.

This is the house where God really did some amazing work.
We paid off $40,000 in credit card debt and car loans in this house.
We added three new children to our family in this house.
We managed to get through three school years of outfitting kids with wardrobes and shoes and backpacks and supplies.
Countless Birthday parties and adoption parties were paid for living in this house.
God was glorified every step of the way.
No money was thrown away in this decision.

Faithfully every week my husband has gone to two jobs.
Faithfully every month he looks over our budget sheets and adjusts and readjusts as needed.
Faithfully every pay check he has filled my envelopes with his budgeted amount.

I fill up my wallet with just what I need to spend that week and carry on with our life.

We have had many, many hiccups on this journey.
We have spent our money on things we have regretted.
We have had steep medical bills because of my broken ovaries.
We had domestic infant adoption expenses to pay off.
We have paid thousands towards car repairs.
We had appliances to buy.

We had to outfit two entire bedrooms and wardrobes in just a few  week's time to bring home baby Jasmine in 2011 and teen, Keishun in 2012. 

Billy and I have fought over how to spend our money.
I have shed frustrated tears many times over.
He has overdrawn an account on occasion.
We have paid what Dave Ramsey calls "The Stupid Tax", and vowed to never do that again.
I have couponed and bargain shopped and lowered lots of my personal standards. 
We have communicated fully, apologized and bandaged our scrapes and dusted ourselves off to continue to press on towards our goal of financial freedom. 

What does that mean for us?

Living with no credit card debt and building up our savings account every single month.

We don't mind a mortgage payment
We don't mind a car payment or two.
Because we know those things can be sold in a pinch if need be.

Actually, I am always selling stuff on Craigslist and these handy little local Facebook online garage sales I have joined around the metroplex. Buying and selling off of these sites has saved us hundreds of dollars vs. purchasing new.

Let me introduce you to what has turned into our greatest tangible treasure of all in almost 11 years of marriage. 

Our cash box.

I love this little white box.
I actually got a little choked up typing that! Maybe I'm hormonal ;)

It houses our cash envelopes and gift cards.

It has allowed us to do virtually everything cash only for six years.

We have taken years worth of vacations fully funded by our discipline to this little white box.

Sometimes this box is not my friend.
I have gone to this box before and dug through every single raggedy envelope hoping for something to be in there to go out to eat with a friend or purchase a pair of shoes, to find that alas there is not one dollar remaining and Billy does not get paid for 4 more days. 

And I have to say No.
No to my wants and my desires.
No to a pack of gum.
No to the kids getting cafeteria lunches...it's peanut butter sandwiches in your lunch boxes today, folks!

No to that awesome end table on Craigslist that will surely be gone when that paycheck is deposited.
No to all the little things I would have just yanked my debit card or Visa out for in the past. 

Now, I am forced to say No.
And that has been a very, very good thing friends.

I believe delayed gratification and budgeting your income down to the dollar is the absolute key to financial freedom.
We have tasted it and it is sweet.

Since paying off our debt, we have opened one credit card that we use for all our car gasoline in Billy's name. This card takes a percentage off our mortgage principal for how much we put on it.  We also opened up one clothing store credit card in my name (you never know when a kid is going to need something), but we are careful to always pay them off every month.
This has allowed us to build up credit in both our names leading to a credit score that continues to surprise us and the ability to pay off our van and purchase two vehicles from Carmax in the past year.

Last summer, we made a sizable down payment on the first home we have owned since we rolled out of our college town all those years ago with only two kids and a trail of debt.






Five kids and a five bedroom house later...






You see friends when I see this picture, I know in my heart the sacrifices over the years...many that I don't even remember making...are all totally worth it. We traded in the stuff that will eventually turn up in a garage sale for the things that really matter.

In 2008, I would have never believed we would be the parents of five children aged 2-17. I would have never thought we would do that debt free. I would have never thought in doing that debt free we would have the money to afford a beautiful home and memorable vacations. But God did.

We are not wealthy according to U.S. standards.
And I can say with confidence we never will be.
Because money just doesn't matter to us that much.

Financial freedom for us does not mean we are now in the place to buy flashy cars and overpriced stuff.

What it means is that God's plan for us does not have to be on pause while we clean up the damage we have done. 

We are free to go and be all that He has designed us to be.
Proverbs 22:7 says "The rich rule over the poor,
    and the borrower is slave to the lender."

We refuse to be enslaved to our debtors. We would rather say "No, we can't do that right now," because we do not have the money NOT because we already owe too much.

You see, when we get extra cash in a bonus or on our tax return, we invest it.

Not in stocks or college and retirement funds.

We invest it back into the ministries and missionaries God has placed in our life.

We invest our money in raising well the children our Savior has blessed our family to know and love.

And we know with out a doubt He is not done with us yet. 
Our precious five children will leave this big house one day and there is no way these bedrooms will remain empty or cluttered in a dusty pile of what once was. 

No...He is not done with us yet.

In so many ways this feels like just the beginning...

For more information:
 All of the work we have done can be found on Crown Ministries website, here.

You can view a PDF printable of the income allocation worksheet here.