Football/Cheer 2014

 

Jayden and Vivi are wrapping up their

football and cheer season for the Cougars.

We were blessed that Vivi was able to cheer for

Jayden's first year of football. 

I have lots of plans for these two.

I see years of Varsity football/cheer in their future. :)

 

The greatest thing about our organization is that our home games take place at the big fancy highschool stadium and we get Homecoming. My love tank was full this weekend.

 

 

 I decorated my very first parade float.

 

 

Mums and Garters are a BIG deal in Texas!

 

 

The boys escorted the girls across the field at halftime.

I set it up that our neighbor Junior and Jayden would escort Vivi.

 

 

We won the game. woohoo.

And I could not resist a little photo shoot of my Cuties on the stadium grounds afterwards.

 

 Good thing they are quite used to having their picture taken...
 

 

 

Here are some more random shots of our Cougar season.

Half Time Show.

 

 

 

 

 

Making The Team Work

 School has begun around here.

 Keishun did get accepted into the private school
for his Senior year!!

We could not be more thrilled.

This is a solid Christ-honoring school on the campus of our beloved church that I became a Christian through in college, met and married Billy, and we took our first kids to.
 

God is doing incredible things in this transition time for him. 
I was telling someone the other day that Keishun really likes the feeling of being chosen, set apart, wanted.
It is really important to him, especially because of his life's journey to get him to today.

He decided to join the football team for the first time since middle school and y'all...he is REALLY great at it. Really great. He has even begun to receive media recognition which is so fun for us!!

Can you pick our kid out of this line up?

Hmmmm....I wonder which one he is...

What a joy it has been to watch him on the field
scoring touch downs like a beast.

 

Of course I deck all the kids out in their spirit wear for every game.

 
I even have a DCA shirt and this necklace the kids gave me for my birthday.

Go big or go home, here in Texas.


Keishun is having the time of his life.

I could not be more proud of his performance and attitude and the changes he has begun with his character during this time. His coaches are incredible mentors to him and the school friends are seeking to live pure and holy lives.
So, his peer group got a whole lot cleaner.

He has commented often on how much he loves the positive atmosphere. These are happy days, friends.

 

 

But as is life...things are not all sunshine and roses.
We have people just stare at us in the football bleachers.
Some whisper as we walk by and when I make eye contact and smile, they look away.
I get it.
We do not exactly blend in around those parts.
And we are loud and have an attention seeking son.
We have come in on their playground and some are not receiving us with big open arms. It is okay.We understand.
We may find ourselves all alone in the stands by November...

Many more have embraced our family and cheered like fools along with us when our son is doing his thing on that field. One mom was so kind to bring him a lunch to school when he forgot it as the school is 45 minutes from our house. Others have housed him and fed him and entertained him!
The Lord has been so good to us.

As I posted before recently though, relationships are super hard and really messy.

 

On the day of orientation, we had a big, big blow up with Keishun. Maybe the worst we have ever seen. He said lots of hurtful things. He wounded me deeply.
 

We realized as the day unfolded...as we have many times before, that the devil's attacks only get stronger when you are doing the Lord's will. Putting our son in private school made our family profile go way up for the enemy. The battle for our child's soul rages on as this has been one of the most difficult summers to date.

 

However we are comforted that He that is in us is greater than he that is in the world. The enemy prowls just waiting to entrap us. I have had times of despair this summer where I just wanted to give up the fight. Thankfully I have dear friends who bring me back in with the very truth I have sent their way before...

"This is not about you."

"No one said this would be easy."

"Stay the course. Finish the race."
 

Oh the devil has met his match with this Mama.

Cause I keep taking the hits and I will not back down.

 

Our big blow up ended with the most beautiful reconciliation we have ever experienced yet. All was forgiven.
 

Even though our defenses went up and we all wanted to throw in the towel and give up on the messiness and pain of staying in relationship with one another.

God would not let any of us give up.

We believe the Bible tells us that the sanctification process was designed to happen in the context of relationships. And what better place for close relationships to form, then in the safety net of a Christ-centered family.

After all, families are meant to stay together for better and worse.

 

 

Once again as I did last year, I will be flying East this November to lead a workshop on Older Child Adoption at Joy for the Journey Retreats.

After this recent altercation, I sent a despairing message to my retreat planning friends in vulnerability that I just did not think I can do this talk.

 I cannot speak on older child adoption because I do not know what I am doing myself!!

But this thought came to me soon after sending them that message,
"Laurie, you ARE doing it. Every single moment of every single day. You are doing it. You will keep on doing it. Others will do it too whether you do or do not think they should. God does.
And they need you."

So friends I have a message tonight about this journey.
One in which Billy and I just came to today as we spoke once again about the rollercoaster of parenting our teenage son who in one moment is the joy of our hearts and in the next brings immense troubles.

The message is this:
Your child is not the enemy.

Even when they are raging and hurtful...even when they are rebellious and ungrateful. Even when it is all you can take to stand in the same room with them. They are not the enemy.

So let's stop talking and fussing as though they are.
I have seen the adoption support group dialogues...the parents who cry out about their own child's struggles. Sometimes reading those things I cringe. Not at the child's misbehavior but at the clear misbehavior of the parent who is supposed to be the adult. You won't hear me say silly things like "my child dysregulated today" or "if they don't like it here they can just go live somewhere else!"

No. You will hear me say, "My child is a sinner. And so am I."
"He may not like it here, but this is where he belongs. He needs us. And we need him."

Like many, these moms who read all the books and joined all the chat groups, have gotten lost somewhere along the way and made their older adopted children out to be their enemy.

I confess I have too in my own heart, many, many times.

Oh the enemy is real, do not doubt that.
But this child is not the enemy even when he feels like we are in direct opposition to each other.

When the waters get deep and our sin natures flare up we have to know this one truth:
We are on the SAME team.

Being on a team requires communication and sacrifice.
Passion and patience, acceptance of one's strengths and weaknesses.

We have to make this team work because 5 kids are counting on us to do just that.

And a fallen world is watching and waiting for us to fail.

Being on the same team means when we win and the bonds grow stronger,  it is a victory for us all.
We rejoice together in laughter and shared joy.

But when we lose, we go down together.
A break in communication or respect is a loss for everyone.

Being on the same team means when one man falls we have got to take a knee on that field and be there to pick him up. Together.

And together this family will finish this race, whatever that looks like in this lifetime.
Hobbling across? Maybe.
Injuries?  A few.
Sweat and tears? A lot.

But we will finish.
Together.

I am more sure of that truth today, than I have ever been.

 

 

Back To School '14-'15

The Victory Is Not Won The Day They Come Home

Below is what I wrote on my Adoption Creates Families Facebook page this past week in response to a news article about the teenage boy from Florida who went to church to ask for an adoptive family and received over 10,000 requests.

The hashtag for this post says adoption isn't a fairy tale. No it is not. This is the story of the teen boy raised in the foster system in Florida who made national attention when he stood up in church and asked for an adoptive family.

 He got what he prayed for and was moved to Ohio just a few months ago. Sadly, he got into an altercacation with one of the parents kids and they flew him back to FL and canceled the adoption.

Friends. Billy and I know all too well how this could happen. We too have had our altercations with our own teen boy. I have shed buckets of tears. We have asked God why us? Why this child? We have fought. We lose battles and we win some. This summer hasnt been so great because he was suspended the last day of school.

We are sometimes embarrassed. We are all the time exhausted. But we have done something this Ohio family didnt do. We made a covenant to God that the child He chose to bring home to us will forever remain ours.

I cast no judgement on this family's decision to call off the adoption. But more so I wonder what will become of this boy now? He is not a product to be traded. He is a human with deep pain. This article says he has anger issues. Well...of course he does. So does our boy. But as we have found, no therapy can do the deep healing work to a child's soul like a loving, firm, in tune Mom and Dad can do. A real Mom and Dad that wont ever leave you or forsake you.

Here is the news article which paints a very sad story. Davion went too far with his new family. And they returned him to Florida. Billy pointed out that this article is tainted because there is no interview of the adoptive parents. Sure we could say "They should have never taken a broken teen if they weren't equipped." Or "They should not have committed to him if they weren't serious about it!"

From the comfort of our living room couches, this is a really easy assumption to make.

I had a lot of feedback on my FB page when I posted this. Friends sharing their own stories and struggles of adopting a teenager. Some of these stories are heartbreaking, the pain and intense fear these children have caused their families is overwhelming to read. Noone wants to give up on their kid. But sometimes saying goodbye becomes the only choice you are left with. I have all the compassion in the world for those parents who have moved mountains to make their family work. Likewise, my heart grieves with those whose families bust up.

My heart is also a little sad when I see pictures like this taken the month after our son came home to us:

There was so much hope in this. So much joy radiating as I stood with the love of my life at his parents anniversary party in Galveston, embracing the 5 beautiful children God had blessed me with. But just an hour after this photo was taken, Keishun stepped into the ocean for the first time in his life. And he took Isaac with him. Billy and I were on the shore fully clothed watching as our boys went out way too far. I began to panic that undertow would take them out and drown my children as I stood by helplessly.

So, I panicked and then Billy and I got into an argument about how it was too hot and too crowded to even be on that beach that day. We yelled and yelled for them to come back
but they could not hear us.

Panicked, I begged strangers to go retrieve my precious boys.
"Those black kids out there!!" I cried out through tears.
When they came back we angrily packed up and left.

 Keishun's first beach experience ruined.

That has been our life, friends. Beautiful moments tainted with the memories of a mom who sometimes clings way too tightly.

Fear.

The very fear that came to me the moment I realized I would never conceive. The fear that enveloped me when CPS took my first (foster) daughter away from us forever. The fear that has clung on the surface about all the what if's. What if I loose another child...to cancer, to an accident, to a predator.

Fear.

My heart and mind KNOW that God is bigger than all fear.
That the sacrifice Christ made on the cross conquered
death and fear forever.
That the victory is now ours to be won.

But I still struggle.
The fear now is, "Does my teenage son whom I did not birth and did not raise love me enough? Do I love him enough?"

Are we enough?

Enough for what?  You may wonder.

Enough to stop the tide of culture and history and habits that seem to engulf my son in anger and unpredictability.
Enough to be wanted and loved and missed when he leaves our  home to strike out on adulthood.

Enough to turn his life into a beautiful testimony.

And I know I am not enough.
I never could be.

This is a victory that is not ours to win.
God came before us in Keishun's life.
And He will follow behind long after my job is done.

You see, the summer our son came home began the most difficult journey Billy and I have ever undergone.

That day when he went into the ocean, he went too far.
And he has gone too far many times again with us.
He has gone too far with teachers, and coaches, and friends.
And I am helpless to bring him back.

I have cried to principles and teachers and coaches.
My son is an honor roll student. He has no juvenile record.
He does not do drugs or alchohol. He does not get into trouble with girls. Why, then do we struggle so much?

Relationships are so messy.

And he makes really foolish choices sometimes.
And it is really, really hard to be his mom.
He was suspended at the end of this school year for his actions. 
He spent the last day of school at home.

I was so sad. And so embarrassed.

Thankfully he is not a threat to us.

But maybe that is what happened with this teen boy, Davion.
Maybe he became a threat. And the fear of that was too great for this family to invest one more day into him. And I get that.

I also understand though, that if we don't stand in the gap with these troubled kids...then who will?
People have told us Keishun needs therapy and anger management classes. We just have not felt he would benefit from these things.

What we do KNOW is he needs a personal relationship
 with Jesus Christ.
There...and only there...will true healing begin.

We have the opportunity for him to go to Christian private school this coming school year, his Senior year.
We turned in our application today and have our interview on Wed.

This is an absolute answer to prayer.
He would be one of less than 30 in the Senior class.
He wants to play football, basketball, and run track.

He is incredibly excited about this and so are we.
We all want a fresh start for him.
Billy and I want him to learn some things before heading off to college in just a year and we know this school would be a gift to our entire family.

So we wait in hopeful anticipation.

Our heart aches for the kids who don't get these chances.
I think Davion needs a second chance to start over.
But how many second chances can a person get before runs out?

For our teenage boy, it is not too late.
And I hope it is not too late for this boy in Florida too.

 

 

 

The 4th of July

Happy Birthday USA!!

 

This day has always been a special one in our household. I love celebrating life.

So...in the spirit of all things red, white and blue lets take a little walk down memory lane, Y'all.

 

Presenting....Adoption Creates Families

Independence Days of Yor