It is Worth It

I gave a teaser on my Facebook Page that I would be writing this weekend about some hard things.

I just have not had the mind space to write.

 

Because somedays I feel like I am drowning.

 

And somedays I'm not clear headed enough to think, let alone bare my soul on this blog as you have come to know me to do.

 

Somedays I'm just not brave enough to face it.

 

But today I am.

So here goes...

 

This summer will be two years since we welcomed our teenager home. We all say it feels longer.

Like we've been together all of our lives.

 

But the truth is, we haven't.

And the growing pains that new relationships go through have been very hard. My thoughts of how I would raise a teenager have been challenged time and again, along with my authority.

 

Our son has settled in and at times it feels like he runs the house.

We hold him accountable to his grades, he gets mad.

We hold him accountable to his chores, he gets mad.

We hold him accountable to his attitude problem, he gets mad.

You get the idea?

 

The child actually has this shirt in his closet.

And with it comes a story that we laugh at now, but at the time was a very painful, scary place in our journey.

This shirt holds memories that started out bad and ended up good.

 

He never wears this shirt now.

But I hope he never gets rid of it either.

Because it is a tangible reminder of a time when all of our sin natures flared up...yet reconciliation awaited us.

 

I intentionally do not share the details of what it has been like to parent a child we didn't raise, because it is not my story to share. It is our son's story. And we never want him to be misunderstood here.

 

I cringe when I read the gritty details on blogs and fb forums of what people go through with their older adopted children. I'm sorry, I don't think it is helpful to lay out our children's dirty laundry for the world to see. Everyone's journey is their own. And I do not feel it gives older child adoption a good name for us mothers to constantly be whining and complaining about all that our children have "put us through."

 

When did this become about you anyway?

 

 

A dear friend who is also in the midst of raising her teenage (bio) son, encouraged me with this verse:

"Do not remember the rebellious sins of my youth. Remember me in the light of your unfailing love, for you are merciful, O LORD." Psalm 25:7

 

Precious words of comfort.

If God does not remember the sins of my youth, then why should I hold onto my child's?

 

Do not get me wrong,

I have cried buckets of tears, and in my darkest moments have lamented to Billy,

 "What have we done?"

 

But each day is a new one. And with it brings small victories won.

Homework gets turned in.

Dishwasher gets emptied.

School stories are shared.

Opinions are heard and validated.

Laundry is folded.

Laughter quickly washes away the pain of yesterday.

 

This week was one of those weeks.

My heart broke over my son's mean actions.

We confronted him via text. We spent about 2 days not communicating at all. And then the dam broke and the healing waters came pouring down in the form of a 3 and a half page letter our boy wrote to us.

 

It was filled with repentance.

He poured his heart out. Billy and I stayed up late with him one night and talked it all out. 

 

I told him these words:

We are not your first family that didn't fight for you.

We are not the caseworkers who stormed in and removed you from the only home you had ever known. We are not the foster families that broke your trust over the course of 2 years. Yet, we are the ones that get the brunt of all your hurt and anger and disrespect.

 

And that is okay.

 

Billy broke in, "We are your parents. We are supposed to do that."

 

I felt in that moment healing really began.

He told us that all the time in foster care made it so he couldn't trust anyone and he sealed his heart up. When he came home to us, and things got bad but then they went back to normal again so quickly...he knew he could trust us. And he has.

 

I have learned to speak this child's love language.

It is gifts and quality time.

 

When I want to express how much I love him, I will leave a bag of snickers on his pillow. Or I will do his laundry. Recently, we were in Florida for Spring Break and on Billy and I's date night out, we wandered into a shoe store where I gasped at a wall full of Nike Slides. My child  is a basketball player and he adores wearing slides. Right there in front...costing half of what they would have cost me in Texas (if I could even find them sold here) were

Nike Camo slides with a highlighter swoosh.

 

 

 

His absolute favorite color combination.

I about died.

 

I bought those shoes.

And I presented the bright orange Nike box to him under one condition...that he talk to me about a subject he had neglected to inform me of. It hurt me bad that he hadn't told me.

 

So I clung to that box and told him he hurt my feelings and I wanted him to share with me because I am his Mom. And that if he wanted to see what was in this mystery box, he would spill the goods.

 

It worked like a charm, my friends.

He laughed at my wily ways and told me all about it.

 

So I forked over the box.

He opened it and let loose.

He jumped up yelling and exclaiming no one at his entire school had these shoes and how all his friends will freak on Monday.

 

He ran off to find a beach tshirt we had bought him that day that matched perfectly and when he came back in, he attack hugged me... thanking me over and over.

Billy later said, "you knew no one at that school had those shoes didn't you? And that he would react that way."

 

Yes.

It is my job to know these things.

 

And it is my job to pray for him.

And to cry over his choices.

 

I will keep fighting the good fight my Lord has set before me, with my husband by my side fighting just as hard.

 

We will wage war on his culture that tells him to do everything that our value system tells him not to do.

 

We will stand strong against Satan who feeds us all lies and plants doubt in our head.

 

We will cling to a God who does not make mistakes.

But He does make us holy.

 

Thank you friends for reading this.

For following along with our journey.

 

I hold out hope that our family will come to the other side...maybe a little bruised up...but all in one piece.

 

 

Vivianna's 7th Birthday ~ Slumber Party Themed

Last night was Vivianna's birthday party!

 

Six girls came over.

 

 

We shipped the boys off for the night and my sweet friend Heather came over and helped. What a lifesafer she was, cause this party wore. me. out.

 

 After all of the screaming commensed....

OMG....Heidi is here! Ahhh!!!!

for every single girl that arrived,

we settled them down to decorate fabric bags.

 

After their bags were done, the girls went to the party favor bar.

 

 



 

The bar included all stuff I was able to find at Dollar Tree (Score!!)...

 Rainbow Looms and Ring Pops.

 Sleep masks and night owl stickers.

 Jelly bracelets and Reeses

 head bands and socks.

 

Then everyone put on their sleep masks...

 

And did blindfold makeovers!

 

 

 This was so hilarious and a big hit. They laughed and shrieked.

 

 After that we ate cookie cake and the girls drank Cherry 7-up out of the cutest plastic mason jars with lids and straws that I found at...

you guessed it, Dollar Tree!

 

We discovered that cake banners do not work in

 flat cookie cakes. Oops.

Every girl brought a doll or stuffed animal and I served them with little appetizer ware that I bought on clearance in Dec.

 

Then Vivi opened her gifts and we played freeze pillow fight, Twister, keep your balloons in the air and charades.

 

 A friend brought costumes from the movie Frozen which of course Vivi adored because that is what they watched!

 

 

 

While enjoying the popcorn and candy bars.

The girls all belted out the entire soundtrack late into the night.

 

Then when it was time to go to sleep, I gave them all glow bracelets and settled them in.

They talked FOREVER...no one got much sleep!

 

Morning came way too soon as I heard them all chattering well before the sun was up.

 

The girls were too happy to be with each other.

 

 

 I served up breakfast, they watched Barbie and made Rainbow loom bracelets and then headed home.

 

 

It was a success. There were no tears and no drama. 

Vivi had a blast and her friends declared it the best slumber party ever...

nevermind that it was all of their first!

 

I see many, many more of these in our future.

 

 

FB page

Hey Friends!

Did you all know I have a Facebook page for my blog?

Well, I do.

It all started when my address was stolen by a cyber squatter and I had to figure out a way to let my readers know that I had changed back to blogspot.

Glad we worked all that out.

It was stressful.

Lots of times I will post links, photos, and other things that are on my mind to that FB page that never make it to this blog. I have really been honored by the way the page has taken off lately....so last night, I asked my readers to leave a comment saying where they are reading from.

The comments have been awesome, thanks Y'all.

 I would love for everyone to join in the fun too!!

So please go leave a comment:

https://www.facebook.com/AdoptionCreatesFamilies

And as a small heads up...you long time readers know how I love to do a:

SPRING GIVEAWAY

Well...Spring is upon us very soon and the giveaway will be announced first on my FB page, so go hit "Like" and you will be the very first readers to receive notice of my annual giveaway, and will also be alerted when a new post is published on my blog.

Don't ya just LOVE Facebook. :)

Mediocrity in Motherhood

Are you wondering what is UP with the title of this post.

I thought I would ease you in gently, BUT...
this has needed to be said to my generation of wife and mothers for awhile now.
So as is my typical fashion, I'm just going to say it.

Moms ~ quit being mediocre.
And please lets stop encouraging our friends to do the same.
 

You know who you are. 

It seems to be the latest trend on social media sites, for mothers to post article upon article expounding upon the notion that we do not need to be perfect moms.

"Make life easy on yourselves!"

"Take some Me-Time!"

"Your kids don't care if you don't make them heart shaped pancakes."

"Just be YOU."

These moms post funny things like this on FB:

I don't know what this lady is holding. A giant plate of party food?

Not sure.
Or more importantly...why she is so threatened by the reindeer treat making moms.
She doesn't think she can make reindeers?
She has tried and they became a big sloppy mess:

LOL....Oooops.
 Sad.
 We have all been there.
Trust me.
And we have cried buckets over the mess we have made, and
 the wasted time we took to do it.

That is okay, Moms.

No one said you had to be perfect!!
But, look... when you chose to take on the role of being a wife and mother, was it really to stay in your pajamas all day? Was it really to have piles of laundry all over the place and dirty dishes in the sink?

Did you dream of growing up and being a mediocre wife and mother?

Have you convinced yourself your husband doesn't care?
That your kids don't care.
Cause I bet they do.

Have you told yourself:
"I'm not good at that stuff."

"I just can't do it. That's good for you, Laurie. But its just not me."

Why do we sell ourselves so short in life, ladies?
And why sell your family short too?

When I was a college single, the big trend then was that we all wanted to be "Proverbs 31 Women".
We poured over those verses and dreamed about the day we could make our husbands a dinner Martha Stewart would be proud of and host our kids birthday parties.

We very much believed our life's worth would be found in homemaking, to the glory of our Lord.
It was not something we were going to "settle for" or that society told us we "had to be".

We wanted it.
We prayed for it.
And our dreams came true the day we found it.

Yet, somewhere over the years of dirty diapers and sticky floors and busy schedules...aching backs, and cluttered kitchens....
we Christian women have deviated from our ideal to the path of least resistance.

And when we got lost, we thought others should come along with us.
To make us feel better about our sorry housekeeping skills.
Or secret spending habits.
Or lame celebrations.

And as we have gotten deeper into the pit of laziness (yeah, I said it)...we have gotten highly annoyed at the moms who didn't get sucked in too.
We started hiding from those moms who post pictures of their kids adorable homemade Halloween costumes and Back to School breakfasts.
They annoyed us.
They exhausted us.
They just plain ticked us off.

Have you ever wondered why?

Maybe because, dear friends....you have lost your way.

Lost in your cell phones and friendships and hobbies.
Lost in unfinished projects, and mundane chores, and children's books read a thousand times.
Your inspiration to BE and DO is gone.

I am not here to discourage you.
I am here to say:

Come alive!
Be renewed in your spirit.
You can do this.

I want to see us begin to encourage one another in Excellence.
In any job you have had, weren't you more satisfied when you pursued excellence?
Didn't it feel good to have someone say, "Job well done, friend!"

I'm not telling you what that will look like for you or your family.
That is certainly not my place.
BUT...I can encourage you with this:

Friends...if you know me, you know my passion is my family.
Making our house a home.
Making memories with my children that will last them a lifetime.
And I go to great lengths to do that.

Often times I fail miserably.
I burn stuff.
Like food...and my fingers with the glue gun, for example.

I drop things, I lose things, I break things.
I shed loads of frustrated and disappointed tears.
I have baskets of laundry too.
I forget to feed the dogs, my bathroom goes a tad too long without a cleaning.
I get it.

I really do.
It's tough being a Mom every. single. day.
With no end in sight.

But we do it.
So why not enjoy the fruits of our labor?

My kids can often be heard saying,
"Mom! What happened here?"
And we all laugh and they cough down my burnt creations and
 proclaim I've done better and beg me never to try that again.
 
Making memories, people.
For better and worse.

I wish I could say I handle these disasters with grace.
But not so much.
Ask my kids about the "Dinner Rice Incident of Fall 2013".
It was bad, guys.
Bad.

But I try.

I have dozens upon dozens of times I have nailed it.
And that feels good.

Vivi paid me the ultimate compliment when she came home from school and the Valentine mantel was all done up in its red and pink glory.

So...my 6 year old daughter says,
"Wow, Mom. You always make the holidays special."
I teared up a little as I thanked her.

No pay check anywhere can buy how good that feels...

Does it make me a better mom than another because I strive to do better?
No.
It just makes me a purposeful mom.
Isn't that what we all want to be?

 Proverbs 31
( from Bible gateway)
says....

Epilogue: The Wife of Noble Character

^10 [b]A wife of noble character who can find?
    She is worth far more than rubies.
¹¹ Her husband has full confidence in her
    and lacks nothing of value.
¹² She brings him good, not harm,
    all the days of her life.
¹³ She selects wool and flax
    and works with eager hands.
¹⁴ She is like the merchant ships,
    bringing her food from afar.
¹⁵ She gets up while it is still night;
    she provides food for her family
    and portions for her female servants.
¹⁶ She considers a field and buys it;
    out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
¹⁷ She sets about her work vigorously;
    her arms are strong for her tasks.
¹⁸ She sees that her trading is profitable,
    and her lamp does not go out at night.
¹⁹ In her hand she holds the distaff
    and grasps the spindle with her fingers.
²⁰ She opens her arms to the poor
    and extends her hands to the needy.
²¹ When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
    for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
²² She makes coverings for her bed;
    she is clothed in fine linen and purple.
²³ Her husband is respected at the city gate,
    where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.
²⁴ She makes linen garments and sells them,
    and supplies the merchants with sashes.
²⁵ She is clothed with strength and dignity;
    she can laugh at the days to come.
²⁶ She speaks with wisdom,
    and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
²⁷ She watches over the affairs of her household
    and does not eat the bread of idleness.
²⁸ Her children arise and call her blessed;
    her husband also, and he praises her:
²⁹ “Many women do noble things,
    but you surpass them all.”
³⁰ Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
    but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
³¹ Honor her for all that her hands have done,
    and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

Do you see in these verses the virtues of wife and mother you want to be?

Hardworking, frugal, prepared, wise, joy filled, diligent, a sense of humor,
purposeful, creative, generous, savvy, servant hearted, and more.

What would our relationships look like if we were inspired by one another instead of discouraged.
I have several mom friends who inspire the socks off of me.
I don't want to be them.
I'm me.

But I am so encouraged by the care at which they go about keeping their home, teaching their children, loving and respecting their husbands.

And I am honored that I have friends who see me the same way.

I made these Valentines for Vivi and posted them to Facebook:

Several moms loved them and wanted to do them for their kids.
So I made up about a dozen more templates with their kids names on them and emailed them to all the friends who wanted it. They were thrilled.

They weren't threatened by our homemade Valentines.
They were inspired.

One Mom emailed back, "Thanks for making me look like a Rockstar Mom."
You are very welcome. 

I had another friend call today from across the country, and she told me that she was inspired by me to do up a wonderful spread for her kids on Valentines Day. She said they were surprised and delighted and that she even got a smile and cooperation for the whole day out of her teen son. Woohoo!

I told her she had filled up his love tank.
Maybe he couldn't articulate that, but he felt it.
It makes ALL the difference.

I had a similar experience with Keishun.
On the 13th I got mad at him for coming home late.
 But the next day he came home from school to see this:

Within 30 minutes he texted 
both Billy and I:
"Happy Valentine's Day Mom and Dad!! Love you!
Think of me while you are out eating and having fun tonight."

Billy texted back:
"Who's this?"

hahahaha...

It was a delightful moment.
Billy said to me, "you know its because of all that stuff you put in his bathroom, don't you."
I smiled.

Yeah...I know.

These things make a difference in the life of your family, friends.

Lets stop putting down Pinterest Moms.
Be secure in who YOU are.
It's okay if your Easter bunny rolls look evil.

 My boys would take one look at that and go,
"You made Pikachu rolls, thanks Mom."

Ha....sure guys.
That's what I was going for all along.

Let us inspire and encourage one another to Greatness.
Tap into what made you want to be a wife and mother in the first place.

Refocus what it is God has you to do on this earth.

I believe quite possibly it is sitting right in front of you at the breakfast table.